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第479章【《我是学问家》!】

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姚建才嘿呦喂道:“你怎么那么恶心啊就得那么说”

张烨无奈道:“好吧,就这么说,反正姚老师很厉害,拍过广告,拍过电视剧,还拍过电影。”

姚建才头,“这倒是拍过。”

张烨掰着手指头道:“姚老师第一部戏,那个电影叫叫对,叫《寡妇》”

姚建才疑惑道:“寡妇?我演寡妇?”

张烨:“不是,你演寡妇的丈夫。”

姚建才:“死了啊?”

张烨:“这部戏就是讲述一个寡妇,在丈夫死后怎么怎么奋斗,怎么怎么励志,很正能量的一个戏”

姚建才瞪大眼珠儿:“里面没我啊”

张烨:“有你啊,没你人家怎么成的寡妇?开局第一个镜头就是你的,上坟。”他比划道:“上坟,上面有个你的照片。”

姚建才:“……”

观众毫不保留地给出了笑声

张烨看着观众们,“这就是姚老师的第一个戏,嗯,第二个戏就厉害了,姚老师的男一号”

姚建才高兴道:“男一号?”

张烨道:“对,这部戏叫《磨》,讲述的是主人公拉着磨周游世界”

姚建才傻眼道:“拉磨?我演驴啊那周游什么世界啊就跟那儿转圈了”

观众都喷了,“哎呦哈哈哈哈”

张烨:“姚老师真正出名的是第三部电影,张二狗野蛮成性杀害父亲十万火急恩仇惨案记》”

姚建才嘿道:“嚯,这名字够长的。”

张烨:“得俩电影大屏才能把这名字拼全,张二狗是个坏孩子,杀了他父亲,把他父亲剁碎了放火烧了,后来公安机关查案,姚老师的第一场戏就是打开棺材盖子。”

姚建才道:“我还是演死的?这回还都碎了?”

张烨:“还行,看脚,要是熟人能认出你来。”

女评委捂着脸笑个不停。

一个男评委也忍不住露出笑容,不过很快又收了回去。

张烨:“第四部电影可是大制作了,香港那边有个电影叫《饺子》,恐怖悬疑片,邀请姚老师出演。”

姚建才开心道:“可算来个大制作了。”

张烨一边比划一边道:“这部戏讲的就是杀人之后把人剁了包成饺子,姚老师在里面演饣。”

姚建才表情一张,“好嘛这回连脚都碎了”

张烨竖大拇指,“了不起。”

姚建才:“有什么了不起啊我都肉末儿了”

有一些观众,脸上都已经笑酸了,腮帮子开始疼了都

张烨:“向您学习,向您致敬,您就是我们的榜样,老话儿说得好,山外青山楼外青楼”

姚建才拦住,“不是不是啊你这老说错话,山外青山楼外楼”

张烨眨巴着眼看看他,“楼外有青楼?”

姚建才:“你怎么老跟青楼于上了,你常去啊是怎么着?就是楼外楼。”

张烨头,“山外青山楼外楼,能人背后有人恁eg四声)”

恁——这是京城话,或者是北方部分地区的词儿,跟“弄”一个意思。

姚建才打断道:“有能人”

“恁”张烨接上了。

负责拍摄的摄像师都镜头一抖,笑喷了

姚建才:“你恁谁啊你就是有能人就你这还文学家学问家呢?你什么学问家啊,每天就研究这个?”

张烨:“我也研究别的啊,比如相声这门艺术。”

姚建才嗯道:“研究这个好。”

张烨:“相声是最简单的艺术形式,同时也是最复杂的,简单是因为有嘴就能说,但说好不容易,比如一些虚字儿,垫字儿,都是有讲究的,都是要研究的,比如我举个例子,你来啦?快坐吧,喝水呀,再见喽,,后面老有一个垫字儿,有这个你会觉得很亲切,要是没有这个就不像话了。”他突然声嘶力竭地喊道:“你来坐下喝水再见”

姚建才嚯了一嗓子,“你再把人吓死”

张烨:“比如有些女同志爱把虚字儿放在前面,比如出门街上看见熟人打招呼,大妈您于嘛去啊,,这要放后面也不行。”

姚建才:“您给学一学?”

张烨模仿女人说话道:“大妈您于嘛去……啊哟”最后一声跟吼出来的似的

姚建才翻白眼:“好家伙,你这踩了脚了?”

张烨指着地上道:“大妈掉沟里了。”

“哈哈哈”

“哈哈哈哈”

满场都是笑声

评委、观众、甚至连栏目组的工作人员和摄像师都乐得不行了,观众里有几个小姑娘,眼泪都笑出来了

唐大章脸色一般

他旁边的三个师兄弟也都一直没吭声,因为,他们已经不知道该说什么了

这个作品,已经超乎了所有人的想象

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