第五百六十八章 “平静”的早晨
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回到地球的几天一切风平‘浪’静，各方都没有新消息传来。郝仁一方面满足于最近几天的清静，一方面则‘抽’时间继续研究辉耀教派和回归教派的资料以及审查官的各项知识，偶有空闲则致力于逗逗猫逗逗鱼逗逗狗，生活倒是‘挺’怡然自得。他现在已经适应了作为一个审查官应有的生活节奏，那就是事儿来的时候忙成狗，没事儿的时候懒成猫，以此调节自己紧绷着的神经——好消息是这两种生物他身边都有，随时可以观摩学习其习‘性’。
跟过去几天一样，当清晨第一缕阳光透过窗子照进屋里的时候，郝仁准时被‘门’外的抓挠声和一大堆‘乱’七八糟的声音吵醒。先是莉莉睡醒之后发神经的“嗷呜”一声，紧接着就是薇薇安的蝙蝠群噼里啪啦从各个敞开的窗户飞进客厅——它们带回了清晨刚摘回来的带着‘露’珠的野菜和可以做‘药’膳的草‘药’，随后傻猫韵味悠长的干嚎从‘门’口传来：“大大猫！大大猫！饭咧！该给我拌饭啦！你开‘门’啊，我知道你在里面，你怎么不开‘门’啊！你最近为什么要锁‘门’啦！让我进去‘舔’你，我要进去‘舔’你啦，你为喵锁‘门’啊！”
这‘乱’七八糟的声音最终把豆豆吵醒，于是郝仁屋里的小桌子上哗啦哗啦‘乱’响起来：这是豆豆在锅里做伸展运动，她半套早‘操’能把水泼出去一半还多。
郝仁就听着这萦绕耳边的猫叫狗吠蝙蝠聒噪以及鱼宝宝扑腾水‘花’的声音慢腾腾穿衣服起来。感觉自己每天一睁眼都跟在动物园里睡了一宿似的，再这么发展下去动物频道都可以直接来他家取景了——只要导演跟观众能接受，就他家里这生态环境至少够拍二十集动物专题纪录片的！
豆豆在水里扑腾够之后就冲着郝仁鱼跃过来。郝仁轻车熟路地接住小家伙随后拉开房‘门’，就看到傻猫正蹲在‘门’口仰着头用水汪汪的大眼睛跟自己对视：“你为喵锁‘门’啊？”
“就为这个！”郝仁额头青筋直冒地指指‘门’前地板，那上面掉了一层木屑，好好的房‘门’让傻猫挠的跟梯田似的层次分明，“你啥时候能记着早起别拿爪子挠我了啥时候让你进屋！”
豆豆一看地上的木屑立刻高兴地蹦下去开始大快朵颐，那动静听着“咔擦咔擦”就跟啮齿动物磨牙似的，一地木屑迅速被小家伙消灭下去。这几天一直是这样：傻猫早起来挠‘门’。豆豆顺便吃早饭兼收拾地板，这就省了一次喂鱼的功夫。但平心而论郝仁真心不希望用这种方式来喂鱼：他这扇‘门’眼瞅着就快被挠透了！
但傻猫的世界观哪能理解这些。她还振振有词呢：“我以前都这么叫你起‘床’的啊，你最近变得真奇怪。所以你快给我小鱼干。”
豆豆抱着两块木屑抬头看了“滚”一眼，傻猫立刻耳朵一抖往后退出去半米：“小饼干也行……”
“你就这出息吧，”郝仁顺手把已经吃完木屑开始‘舔’地板的豆豆抄起来。然后着猫姑娘的脑‘门’，“我再最后教育你一次：不-准-挠-‘门’！！你指头不疼是怎么着？！你是非‘逼’着我把防盗‘门’安在里屋吧？”
猫姑娘想了想，举起爪子：“防盗‘门’也可以挠，而且很好听！”
郝仁脑海里顿时浮现出猫妖用指甲猛挠钢板时发出的声音，浑身的‘鸡’皮疙瘩层出不穷，他绝望地发现自己竟然完全对付不了这只猫了——当然好消息就是他以前也对付不了这货，某种意义上情况也没变得更糟。
薇薇安正在客厅里拾掇一大堆野菜和草‘药’，几只小蝙蝠在她旁边飞来飞去地帮忙，有负责叼走烂菜叶的。有负责摘拣草‘棒’的，还有负责把菜根咬下来丢掉的，看上去效率奇高而且煞是有趣。她现在养成的习惯就是晚上睡觉之前放一群蝙蝠出去。只留一神念指挥，然后第二天就能收获足够全家人吃的野菜：这过惯苦日子的姑娘总能找到办法让郝仁省钱，虽然这种节省并无太大必要。
不过不管怎么说，她用野菜做出来的菜肴在家里深受好评，郝仁也就随她去了。
莉莉在不远处沙发上蹲着看书，今天早晨她又是狼人形态。郝仁顺便跟她打招呼：“莉莉。看啥呢？”
结果这姑娘一动静都没有，郝仁好奇地凑上去看了一眼。赫然发现两条细细的耳机线正从她那‘毛’茸茸的尖耳朵里延伸出来——至于耳机本身则已经彻底塞进那两撮绒‘毛’里看不着了。
这时候莉莉突然‘抽’‘抽’鼻子，看来是闻到了郝仁的气味。她笑嘻嘻地扭头打招呼，一边从尖耳朵和头发下面拽出四个耳塞头来：“房东你醒了啊？”
郝仁目瞪口呆：“……四声道？！”
莉莉愣了一下才反应过来，撩起头发得意洋洋地炫耀：“超赞立体声！房东我跟你讲，每一个音符都敲在人脑仁上啊——这个耳机是伊丽莎白帮忙做的，效果好着呢，你试试？”
郝仁一脸冷汗地摇头后退：“我身上没这设备……你这变成狼人形态之后不感觉声音太闹得慌么？”
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