第二十节 山上实习
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两个星期以后，我当然在山上实习。
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我和阿维两个人一小组，早上三半起床，把冰冷的山水灌进水壶里，然后钻进一条山沟，开始观察各式各样的鸟儿如何辛勤地求偶筑巢孵卵觅食抚育后代，一直看到晚上七，鸟儿们全都乖乖回家看新闻联播为止，我们才能回营地。
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“咱们怎么混到这个地步了？”晚上坐在营地门口，阿维和我扯，“今天卖水果的大妈跟我说，当地老乡用两句话来形容咱们，你想知道是什么吗？”
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“什么？”
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“远看像逃难的，近看像要饭的。”
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听完，我撇撇嘴，仔细看了看阿维灰头土脸的模样，忽然问了这么一句：“我说，这是咱们预想的传说中的野外实习吗？”
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阿维听了我的问题，若有所思地望着满是阴云的天空，摇头。
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“不是。”那厮说。
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于是第二天，我们背上了许多额外的小大包袱，形如返乡民工一样，进山。
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把雨衣铺在地上，用被子把全身裹住，然后躺倒在雨衣上，边嚼着阿维专门带上山来的麦乳精颗粒，边听着随身听里淡淡的歌，我总算感觉到了阳光的温度。
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“你知道什么叫幸福了吗？”阿维满嘴都是麦乳精的棕色，边舔着嘴唇边问我。
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“可是，我还是觉得那些鸟儿比较幸福，”我裹在被子里，歪头看着我们要观察的鸟，回答，“因为它们，总能轻易地把异性骗进窝里去，哈哈。”
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“幸福吗？费劲吧啦地筑巢，还得找吃的，还得喂幼鸟，唉，唉！”阿维叹了口气，然后感慨着，“不过也难怪，难怪你会觉得鸟儿幸福，因为它们跟你没有本质区别啊。”
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“你，什么意思？”
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“你看它们，骗不到姑娘的时候，也是两腿着地、站在树上、大声疾呼‘春——’的——你不觉得跟你很像吗？”
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“喂，我什么时候站在树上了？”
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“好吧，至少，你们骗不到姑娘的时候，都会闲得唱歌的。”
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碍于全身裹着一层被子不方便，我放弃了打阿维两拳的念头，只是用一双眼睛狠狠地瞪了瞪那厮，然后装死不再理会他的犯二，专心地听我的随身听去了。
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“哈哈，不过，咱们好吃好喝暖暖和和的，可是违法乱纪啊。”阿维不管我听没听，继续傻笑着说，“不许把营地的被褥带到野外，嗯，不许在观察期间听随身听打牌聊天，也不许在外面乱吃零食，你不觉得如果咱们被发现了的话，‘胖头’会把咱们扒了皮天灯吗？”
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然而就在当天晚上，正当我们小心翼翼地抱着被子准备回营地的宿舍，“胖头”一脸黑火药的模样，把我和阿维堵在了宿舍门口。
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“你们俩，怎么回事？”“胖头”一句话切入正题，“特地说了不许把被褥拿出去，你们没听见是不是？啊？你，还挂着个随身听，还嫌耳朵眼儿不够大啊？”
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“老师，他、他想练练英语，就——”阿维指着我，向“胖头”辩解。
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“没问你！先照照镜子，把你的嘴给我擦干净了，吃什么了吃的，满嘴都是，还好意思替别人说话！”
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“老师，您知道吧，这个，在山沟里，实在太冷啊，这冷了就饿，没办法……”阿维还在继续解释着。
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“我不知道冷啊？你以为我不知道啊？”“胖头”的火气越来越大起来，“人家都一样冷一样饿，你看看人家卢可，哪像你们，就知道天天出妖蛾子！人家卢可把课题做得好着呢，也没见人家背着几床被子啊！”
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“这个，我估计他背不动被子。”阿维小声地嘀咕着，偷偷抬眼看“胖头”。
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“还废话？你说说你们！要不是卢可告诉我，我还真想不到，我三令五申的，你们还敢把被子背上山去！”
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“唉，我现在彻底觉得，上生物系是个错误。”和阿维一起编写着检查，我咬着牙说，“还想着实习有多好多好，结果，累一也就得了，‘胖头’还挑三捡四的，最可恶的——”
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“还是卢可！”阿维跟我同时喊了出来。
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“你说，他跟‘胖头’汇报，能有什么好处？我估计他准是屁眼儿堵得难受了！”
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“也难说啊！”阿维叼着笔，回应我，“也许，说不定，屁眼儿这东西之于卢可，是无所谓有、无所谓无的。”
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说完，我陪着阿维大笑起来。
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“写检查还这么高兴？”闯进来的獾子的声音出现在我们身后。
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“我就高兴不可以吗？”我转过身来，冲獾子嚷，“我高兴，我要庆祝我的感天动地惊世骇俗的本世纪最新科研调查结果问世——卢可这种动物、没屁眼儿！”
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“成天受压迫的可怜人啊，你还是别郁闷了。”獾子凑到我旁边，神秘兮兮地说，“让你不再郁闷的人，就要出现了！”
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99
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“你说什么？”我问獾子。
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“让你不再郁闷的人，就要出现了啊！”獾子那厮冲着阿维挤眉弄眼，手指门外。
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