2003-11-16 无辜
最新网址：m.ltxsdz.com
多么不平静的几天，自从我也进不去自己的主页。二三十万只手按着鼠标，击《遗情书》，二三十万个把可怜的它埋了。
呵，谁也别想进来了。我面对着“我的控制面板”，像在地下咕咕地呼吸。反倒好了，出奇地清静。清静如我刚刚开始写博客的日子。那个在新浪被全国人民咒骂的著名女人，此刻与我没有关系。
虽然此刻之前，我狂躁地打了几通电话。我跟T说：我宁愿不出书了，我不签合同了！我跟L说：你让新浪都撤下来，我不爽！我觉得我在被用，被卖！然后我又跟最有盟友的A诉苦，我问他我究竟是什么人，为什么无数人不了解事实，不了解我就在谩骂、就在评论……A说媒体就是这么变态，它们觉得你是一块大肥肉……是的，他们从试图采访我，到不需要对我负任何责任地乱写，他们已经得意地控制了话语权。那么，都给他们算了。我在自己的日记里悄悄活着。
村上春树曾说“男生”三大条件，最后一条是：“不事事申辩。”村上也常常认为自己不能完全做到这一条。人毕竟不是完全孤绝的。当某天，我被太多眼睛盯着，我被太多口水淹着，我就开始了某些申辩，这种申辩让我的日记失去了原始的无邪与可爱。
今天，看了看最初的日记，才知道自己走远了。自己没有对自己“隐私”是不对。我不需要为某种形象、某种意义坚持，本来我就不是为什么“颠覆道德”存在的。继续自由地呼吸吧。我不能丢了我的小女孩。
我是怎么生活的，我就怎么记录，哪怕被干扰、被破坏，哪怕男人们谈“木”色变。假如这场见证中国人劣性的风波导致没有一个男人敢跟我上床。只能说明他们顽固不化。呵呵，如此，似乎应该告大众传媒侵犯了我的“性生活”。但是，小木，你一定要相信自己是对的，做爱时是对，不做爱时也是对的。
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