新西游记(09)
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上回说到三藏来到了五行山下，离着远远地就听到有人高声呼喊：“师傅！师傅！你可来了！”三藏寻声望去，却什么都看不到！以为自己听错了！还是继续前行。
“师傅！你怎么不答应俺老孙呢？我在这里！在山底下压着呢！”
三藏这回可听清楚了，急忙靠近山脚，果然看见一个像是猴子的东西被压在山下，可奇怪的是，这个猴子是仰面被压，山离地还有两尺的距离，再仔细地一看，可不得了了，只见这个猴子浑身裸的，两手两脚被寒铁链固定在地上，全凭借一根长枪在下腹部支棱着，顶在山的正中心，山才没有砸在他的身上！这是什么妖术？看罢此景，唬得三藏掉头就要跑！
“师傅，不必害怕！俺老孙是齐天大圣，因为大闹天宫，所以被如来佛祖压在此山之下已经有五百年了！前几日，观音菩萨经过，告诉俺老孙，说师傅你要到西天求取真精，深怕一路之上妖魔鬼怪伤害了你，所以度化俺老孙保你上西天去觐见如来！”原来，这正是齐天大圣孙悟空！
“可你怎么会是这样受罚？”三藏听罢，稍减恐惧，好奇心却促使他发问。
“唉！”悟空叹了一口气说道，“想俺老孙五百年前大闹天宫的时候，全凭了跨下和掌中的如意金箍棒，搅得天庭是人仰马翻！哪知道，被二郎神的啸天犬咬了一下，俺下面这根枪就一直支棱着，影响了俺的行动，被太上老君一乾坤圈打在头上，被俘遭擒！什么刀砍斧劈火烧，都奈何不了俺！于是太上老君那个老儿，将俺投进他那八卦炉内淬炼了七七四十九日，本以为能够将俺老孙炼化，哪曾想，俺老孙不但没有受到丝毫伤害，反而炼成了火眼金睛，而且下面的这根枪也淬炼得伸缩自如，如意万变！对了，师傅，可不可以先将俺老孙放了出来，俺再详细地向您老人家汇报工作？”
“噢……阿弥陀佛！贫僧听得入神竟把此事给忘了！可要如何解救与你呢？贫僧手中无有斧凿，怎样才能把你放出来呢？”三藏犯难了！
“师傅！不必担心，你凑近前来观看！”
三藏闻言急忙上前观看。
“师傅，你看在俺的长枪根部，佛祖贴了一道敕文在，使俺的家伙，不能软倒！支撑着这座大山！您把它揭了下去，俺就可以脱困了！”
“不行不行！贫僧一将它揭下，那山还不压死你啊！”
悟空闻听内心感激，确认三藏的心地良善：“不怕，师傅！你一揭下符咒，俺老孙手脚上的铁链就会失去作用，俺老孙自然有法子不损分毫地出去！您不必担心！”
三藏听说，心想本也无法，只好姑且一试了＃旱话间，三藏对着悟空的鸡巴跪了下去，嘴里还念念有词！吓了悟空一跳！再一听三藏嘴里说出的话，悟空不禁差一点笑出声音！
“阿弥陀佛！佛祖慈悲，如果您确实想让悟空成为我的弟子，就让我能够揭起这个符咒！佛祖啊！贫僧手无缚鸡之力，确实需要一个本领高强的徒弟，您老人家最好答应，否则的话，贫僧诅咒你永世不举！阿弥陀佛，善哉善哉！”
悟空心道，还善哉呢！师傅你可够狠的！哈哈！如果佛祖不举，那会是什么样子？嘿嘿！这个时候，佛祖在西天打了一个喷嚏，心中恼恨，心想这是谁在骂我！急忙掐指一算，原来是三藏！佛祖哭笑不得，要知道，那个时候诅咒是管用的！佛祖被人诅咒也一样要应誓！佛祖见三藏发此毒誓，心中惴惴，急忙派遣八大金刚前往五行山，揭掉符咒（看来是男人就怕不举啊，哈哈！）！
这边三藏刚拜完，刚要上前揭下符咒，一阵清风吹过，只见符咒飞上了半天空！天空中若隐若现的出现几位神人，只听：“我等受佛祖法谕，揭此符咒！命悟空保三藏西天取经！”
三藏闻言急忙往空叩拜！众神驾云返回交旨不提！
“师傅！您往后走得越远越好！俺老孙就要出来了！”
三藏慌慌张张地朝后退去，直走出有五里地，才听悟空说够远了！只听“咔啦！”一声大响，只见前面的大山已经一分为二！砂石尘土漫天飞舞，三藏重又上前，半空中一声唿哨，只见悟空赤条条地从天而降，跪倒在三藏面前！
“多谢师傅！弟子孙悟空前来报到！”
“快快起来！”三藏急忙搀起悟空。
“师傅！”悟空捂着下体说道，“弟子不雅，赤身露体！怎么办？”
“没关系！贫僧的包裹里还有几件替换的衣物，你去看看是否合体！”
悟空急忙叩谢，欢天喜地地打开包袱，见里面有几件洗得发白的衣服，随便挑了一件穿在身上，虽然略显宽大，但也总算免去了的尴尬！
穿好衣服，师徒二人找了个干净的地方坐下，悟空继续给三藏讲述他闹翻天宫的经历。
“师傅！俺老孙跳出太上老君的八卦炉之后，撤出金箍棒，杀得天兵天将抱头鼠窜，连玉帝老儿都吓得钻进了王母娘娘的裤裆里，俺老孙见那王母的裤裆鼓出一大块，也没有细想，让那玉帝老儿逃过了此劫！可是，老孙的下体经过那八卦炉的历练，搞得坚硬如铁，就想发泄，正想扒了王母的衣服搞她几个回合，哪里知道，一边的宫女奋不顾身地脱衣上前接战，这才保住了王母的清白！”
三藏听到此，直念：“阿弥陀佛！罪过！罪过！”可还是忍不住要继续听下去！
“后来，俺老孙挺动俺的肉棒，就在那天宫正殿之上，将那几个宫女干了个死去活来，您也知道，神仙是不许干那种事的，那几个宫女在被俺老孙干过后，本来玉帝要嘉奖她们奋不顾身护主，要给她们颁发十字勋章的！可是怎么也找不到她们了！原来，她们几个被俺老孙干得尝到了滋味儿，偷偷下界去了，您说好笑不好笑！”
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