八十五、我也不愿
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冬莲“哼”了一声，带了赌气道：“你不想知道我偏要说。”
晓妍怔了怔，竟是第一次听冬莲这般孩子气的语气，细想她也不过才十七岁，放在现代，可不还是个未成年的孩子，心里一软，停下了步子。
“人都说我心大，麻雀儿想拣高枝。可你看我，姿色、针线可比这满院的谁差几分？偏从八岁就在这里熬了这许多年，来来往往的丫鬟婆子换了几批，我还在这里熬着，糖浆儿都能熬糊了。”冬莲语气中带了几分怨恨：
“都怪那姓田的老虔婆，因我娘在府里当差时得罪了她，自己在夫人面前得了脸，竟一直将我家打压至今，将我爹遣去偏远庄子，我娘早早的撵出了府不说，还一直压着我上不去。如今，我爹领不了几个钱，我娘病了好几年，两个弟弟也身子虚弱谋不了好差，竟长年药罐子吊着，一个月几百钱刚过手还没捂热就填了满不了的限，一家子的指望都依在我身上，偏我又这样……”
“我知道你们都厌我，不错，我也讨厌你们，特别是恨你这种一进府就有主子依靠的小丫头，明明什么都不如我，为什么偏比我幸运？连小丫头们都远着我喜欢近你，为什么老天不公？”
晓妍突然觉得凄凉，慢慢靠近她，在她身边坐下，山石上落了霜，入骨的冰寒浸入身子，让她浑身一僵，苦笑一声，老天不公吗？或许吧。
可是……“若你用心待别人，别人也会用心待你的。或许你会对我说的话不屑，但我一直这么认为、这么坚持的。生活也一样，现在或许艰难，就像在寒冬，但只有你肯用心地、用力地活，春天——总会来的。”
她不只是说给冬莲听的。也是说给自己听。
冬莲怔了怔，冷笑道：“站着说话不腰疼。”
晓妍暗暗苦笑，也未搭话，两人隔了一尺的距离，并排坐着，静静地望着不远处泛青的薄雪，一时都未动。
一会后，冬莲立起身，换了一副冷然的面容道：“今晚的事儿，谁也不许说。”行了几步，回身看着她，眼光微闪：“我妒忌你，也羡慕你，明明讨厌你，我却敢对你说出这番话，不管我愿不愿承认，你确能让人心安。”
晓妍一愣，默默地看着她离去的单薄身影。
她能向晓妍说出这番话，也是向自己的过去告别吧，她明天要迎接的，是另一个战场，围绕一个男人的战争，却无关乎爱和情感。
捧了浓浓热热的红糖姜汤给香桃喝下，捂上两层被子，出了一身汗，香桃昏昏沉沉地睡去，晓妍和小翠都松了口气，看着对方一脸的疲色，相视苦笑。
守了大半夜，相互换着眯了一会便起身了，回了高大娘传了大夫过来，晓妍才彻底地放下心来。
小翠也熬了大半夜，却依然精神抖擞的，见香桃喝了药安稳睡着，忙拉了晓妍过来，按着坐在椅子上，要给晓妍梳妆打扮，晓妍疲惫地任她折腾着，直到她开了各色胭脂盒，要往自己脸上抹粉时，才拦住她的手笑道：“这是为何？”
小翠收了往日活泼好玩的神情，板着小脸道：“你今天可是第一次往四公子院里伺候呢，偏熬了这半夜，若不打扮打扮，去了院里怎能将其他丫鬟压下？”
晓妍看着她满脸的严肃认真，不由得好笑：“为什么要将其他人压下？我不过是去做丫鬟的。”
小翠跳了跳脚，着她的头恼道：“你怎地就这般不解人心？四公子可是亲自求了你去的，试问园里哪个有这个脸面？他待你如何，你还看不出吗？日后自然是要随了他身边的，若他待你好，做了姨娘又何妨？”
晓妍正将头上那大绢花拿下，换上一枝简单的小绒花，听了这话，手一顿，看着模糊的铜镜里小翠一脸的恨铁不成钢，叹了口气，回转身看住她道：“小翠，你不愿做公子哥的姨娘，我也一样。”
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