第五十八章 自己的事业
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带着复杂和沉重的心情我踏上归程，夭夭的自责声仍不停地环绕在我耳旁，每一个字都象一根针，让我的心刺痛难忍。这一刻我终于明白了，夭夭在我的心中竟是占据着如此重要的位置。如果说同游时的一场虚惊，让我悲伤难过到流泪，那么刚才的一刻，我竟是无泪可流。当面对夭夭自责时，我心内那种痛苦到一片黑暗，压抑到不能呼吸的感觉，我才懂得了夭夭的幸福对我生命的重要意义。
我很清楚自己对小雨的迷恋已到了何种程度，没有她我的生命将失去意义，甚至会让我生不如死。可夭夭呢？夭夭对我何尝不是如此？这个年轻倔强的女孩已经把自己所有的希望和幸福寄托在了我的身上。如果有一天她发现自己深爱的男人一直在偷偷地背叛她，她会怎么样呢？我简直不敢想？
失去小雨，我会生不如死！失去夭夭，我会痛苦到死！天哪，两个人都是我一辈子也离不开的，我到底该怎么办呢？难道爱情的承诺仅仅是为了让一个人痛苦吗？难道真要这样偷偷摸摸、提心吊胆的过一辈子吗？
昨夜和小雨初欢所带来的幸福，丝毫不能缓解我内心沉沉的痛楚。我怀着沉重的心情来到了公司，燃了一根烟，阖上双眼，颓败地倒在椅子上，希望这种肺细胞的消费能让我得到暂时的安宁。
有人来了，我知道是小雨。
我忙睁开眼，掐灭香烟，强打精神起来迎了上去，因为我不想让我内心的痛苦影响她初为女人的幸福。小雨关好门，侧身坐在沙发上看着我，脸上是融融的笑意。我坐在小雨身旁，看着小雨红润僚人的面容，心里的痛苦不觉减轻了几分。
我们微笑对视着，我温柔地道：“小雨，你……还痛吗？”
小雨把双肘支在我腿上，双手托着下额笑看着我，轻轻摇了摇头。我伸出手轻抚着她的头发，也默默地看着她，我们都没有说话。自从和小雨交往以来，我们之间似乎已经形成一种默契，相对于语言，我们更多地愿意用眼神的沟通来达到彼此心灵的相通。每当这样的时候，我们会感觉到相互间那份柔柔的情意，在两颗心之间如清水般的流，也如流水般的清。
我们就这样共对着，默默地享受着这份柔情蜜意。良久后，我咳了一声，打破了两人间脉脉的温柔状态，笑道：“小雨，你好象十钟要到局里开会吧？”
小雨听后，白了我一眼，无奈地坐直了身体，看着我无精打采地道：“程东，我真的不想去开会了？我现在就想和你在一起！怎么办啊？”
我笑道：“不会吧，我有那么大魅力吗？刚一晚上，你就从工作狂变成小鸟依人了？”
小雨看着我，眼珠骨碌一转，笑嘻嘻地道：“好东东，乖，能不能替……”
不等她说完，我马上打断道：“小雨，我不会替你去开会的。你想都别想，早死了这条心，无论你使用什么样的手段我都不会答应你的！”
小雨小嘴扁扁，故做委曲的样子，赌气道：“是啊，某人昨晚刚刚把人家占有了，腰板开始就硬了，连头上司的话也不听了！”
我气道：“小雨，你还有脸说，从香港回来后，我还本想你这个情人上司能罩着我儿呢？可你倒好！现在我一天到晚的都没有个闲的时候，我干了多少活？以前老齐在时，自己就常偷懒，可也没象你这样把屎盆子尿罐子什么的全扣我脑袋上啊？你当我是铁人啊？你知不知道，现在公司里的人都怎么看我？不说别人，就说方小雅，一见我面就埋怨，说什么我对你献殷勤，把她都连累了！”
小雨听我发完牢骚后，“扑哧”一笑，坐过来一步想拉着我的胳膊。我心里有气，一把甩开了。她再拉，我甩了一下没甩开，就只好任她拉着了。
小雨见又一次战胜了我，开心地笑了笑，旋又正色道：“程东，你知道我这些日子为什么安排你做这么多工作吗？实话告诉你，我是想看看你的工作能力到底怎么样？”
我歪头看了她一眼，奇道：“我在你手下工作说长不短，也有三个多月了，我工作能力怎么样你应该很清楚了，还需要象这些天这样发疯似的再考察一遍吗？”
“那不一样，以前我们是上下级，咳……也是朋友，但我总不能让你做职责范围以外的工作。但现在不同了，我不仅要了解你的工作能力，更重要的是我还需要知道你的潜力有多大？而且我已经是你的女人了，我总应该对自己的男人了解得全面深刻一吧？”
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