第三节 谁能禁止我的爱
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经过公园，看见那张熟悉的铁椅子，有好多感慨。
以前我就住在公园对面，从窗户望出去，总看见一个五十多岁的男人，坐在椅子上跟邻居聊天。
问邻居他为什么那么闲，邻居说：“他病了，在家养病，太太上班，一个人寂寞，所以总出来找人聊天。”
果然见他愈来愈消瘦，连走路都变得吃力的样子，说话的声音也小了。但他还是出来，还是一坐就坐上几个钟头。
又隔一阵子，看到个女人扶着他，慢慢把他搀过马路，慢慢借给他一个肩膀，让他扶着坐下，坐在旁边摸着他的手，看着他的脸，还偶尔把他的帽子摘下来，摸摸他化疗之后光秃秃的头。
然后就许久不见他们了。据说死前他坚持回家，在家里“走的”。
又经过一年多，再见到那妇人，已经开车了，据说是儿女建议她学，既出入方便，又可以散散心。
大概每次学车完毕，由教练送回家，常看见她坐在公园的那张椅子上，跟汽车教练说话。
这之后，她就没再出现了，据说跟子女大吵一架，卖了房子，搬去了别的地方。
子女骂得很难听，邻居也说得很难听，说她跟比她小一大截的汽车教练谈了恋爱，居然连孩子都不认了。
只是，也听说她对孩子吼：“我照顾了你们老子几十年，又没日没夜一两年，我大半辈子白过了，剩下这日子，我要做我爱做的事，我死了，也不冤。”
到北京去，问朋友：“那位老教授还好吗？”
“不像以前那么好，一下子老多了。”
上次见他，是在个艺术家的集会上，老教授一头白发，但是两眼闪着一种森森的寒光，好像能把人看穿。
他的声音也亮，而且沉沉稳稳，不疾不徐，一开口便容不得别人插话，说的话又都能编成语录，每一句都是箴言。
据说老教授在“文革”吃了不少苦，但撑过来了。说是“教授”，他其实没什么学历，只是继承了家学，而有不少门生；在艺坛，老教授对谁竖了大拇指，那人的身价就能大涨。
“为什么不好了呢？”我问朋友，“上次看他还挺硬朗啊!”
朋友笑笑：“他爱上了个女学生，很漂亮的一个年轻女演员。把他那棺材本都捧给女学生了。”摇摇头：“女学生对他说得很明白，根本不爱他。”
“他怎么说？”我问。
“他说没关系，但是请求女学生别离开他。”长长叹了口气，“前些时，老先生追去了广州，打长途电话给我，一句话都没能说，就大声哭了，哭着哭着，又把电话挂了。”
想起川端康成，得诺贝尔文学奖的大师，据说晚年又爱上了一个花匠的女儿。
女孩子常给川端送花，送着送着，人比花娇，让川端已经沉寂的灵魂又被勾起了生机，竟然不能一天不见那二十几岁的小女生。
他求那小女生的父亲，常让她来。甚至听说他为那小女生买了房子。
但毕竟属于两个不同的世界，小女生还是走了。
川端口含着煤气管自杀，死前没有留下任何遗书，他的老友今东光说：“唯有毫无理由的自杀，才是真正的自杀。”
只是那“毫无理由”，会不会是“说不出的理由”？
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