第十八章 矛盾的心情
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待我将茶杯放下，她又将一条热腾腾的毛巾递了过来，“公子，擦把脸吧。”
她自己也擦了一下脸，然后便毕恭毕敬地站在我身边侍候我用茶，看来这半年她已经被培训出来了，我看了她一眼，对她道：“你也坐吧。”
“谢公子。”她说完才将一半屁股轻轻地落在我旁边的墩子上。
“你怎么还没睡？”我随口问道。
“奴婢是来侍候公子的，公子在外巡夜，奴婢怎么可以一个人偷睡？”
我真想狠狠地扇她一个耳光！恨她当初为什么要失节！她现在表现得如此柔情不是要让老子为难吗！现在是让我恨她呢还是让我可怜她呢？！我心里实在矛盾！说心里话，我不想原谅她，可是我又很贪恋她的柔情。
我没有再和她说话，我一杯接一杯地喝，她一杯接一杯地给我倒，直到把我灌个水饱，我才终于忍不住，对她道：“你去睡吧，今夜我不会再回来了。”
“外边天冷风大，公子巡完夜还是回来吧，要吃要喝，奴婢侍候公子，奴婢不困，奴婢要等到天亮侍候公子一起睡。”
她实在让我受不了，爱咋咋地吧！我没有回复她，站起身走出房门。外边是天寒风大，可是对我没有一影响，我没有再回到房中，却偷偷地回去看了几次，她果然没有睡，强打精神坐在床头，依旧在偷偷地落泪，我猜大概那是因为我的冷漠让她感到了不安。‘心比天高，命比纸薄’，这句话用在她身上再贴切不过。
晨时三刻，我才将令牌交还李忠，他简单地询问了我几句之后便让我回去休息。我回到房中，林玉蓉已经将早餐备好，她依然站在旁边侍候我用餐，待我吃到一半的时候才让她坐下和我一起用。饭后，她麻利地将餐具收拾干净，然后将房门插好，柔声对我道：“公子，奴婢侍候您就寝吧。”
夜里在外巡逻的时候，我已经设计好如何拒绝她上我的床和我一起睡，可是现在竟然说不出口，因为欲望突然和我的感情激烈地战斗起来，我突然很想回味她曾经的柔情。我没有说话，她翩翩地走到我面前，解开我的腰带开始为我宽衣。
我想将她推开，可两只手竟然不听使唤，只好看着她将我的衣服一件件脱去，当只剩下内衣的时候，她抿着双唇看了我一眼，我这才将她轻轻推开，转身上床抖开被子盖在身上，然后情不自禁地扭头看着她。
她慢慢地拿去头上的饰物，将一头秀发飘酒下来，然后坐在床边脱去鞋子，慢慢地拆解两条长长的裹脚布。她慢慢地脱着身上的衣服，象从前一样，将它们一件件地折好放在旁边的墩子上，她的速度真够慢，快半柱香的功夫，才脱到只剩下肚兜和底裤。她看了我一眼，然后背转身慢慢地解去这两样东西，将一个白白胖胖的美臀呈现在的我眼前。妈的，想当初我第一次要上她的时候，她要死要活地拿了条白绫来威胁我，后来还是我给了她一个名份，她才装做还不是很情愿地脱光衣服上了床。可现在，我冷冷淡淡地对她，她竟然主动宽衣解带，脱得一丝不挂够着够着地要上我的床！
她打了一个冷颤，然后迅速地掀开盖子钻了进来，轻轻地往我身上挤了挤，紧紧地依偎在我的身边，轻轻地道：“公子，奴婢来了。”
而此刻，欲望和感情还在我心里激烈地斗争着，见我半天没有反应，她轻轻地拉着我的手放到她光滑的大腿上，柔声问道：“公子，你不想要奴婢吗？”
我依然没有做声，她轻抚着我的手臂，忽然哽咽道：“公子，求求你就要了奴婢吧，虽然奴婢是残花败柳，可是奴婢会好好侍候公子的。”
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