第九十三章 神仙过家
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高翠兰走来看见高老，一把扯住，抱头大哭。
孙悟空道：“且莫哭！且莫哭！我问你，妖怪往哪里去了？”
高翠兰道：“不知往哪里走。这些时，天明就去，入夜方来，云云雾雾，往回不知何所。因是晓得父亲要祛退他，他也常常防备，故此昏来朝去。”
刘晨道：“不用说了，高老，你带令爱往前边宅里，让我与悟空在此等他，只要那妖精来了，定与你了结此事情。”
那老高欢欢喜喜的，把女儿带到前面去。
那孙悟空笑嘻嘻地对刘晨道：“师伯！俺老孙想了个法子，能好好戏弄那妖精一番。”
刘晨闻言笑道：“但说无妨！”
孙悟空道：“师伯您还是隐身，俺老孙变成那女子，然后……”
刘晨笑了笑，道：“好吧！依你所言！”
那孙悟空就弄神通，摇身一变，变得就如那女子一般，刘晨也用力六娃化光隐身之法，隐去身形。
不多时，一阵风来，真个是走石飞砂。好风：起初时微微荡荡，向后来渺渺茫茫。微微荡荡乾坤大，渺渺茫茫无阻碍。凋花折柳胜揌麻，倒树摧林如拔菜。翻江搅海鬼神愁，裂石崩山天地怪。
那风真是能：衔花糜鹿失来踪，摘果猿猴迷在外。七层铁塔侵佛头，八面幢幡伤宝盖。金梁玉柱起根摇，房上瓦飞如燕块。举棹梢公许愿心，开船忙把猪羊赛。当坊土地弃祠堂，四海龙王朝上拜。海边撞损夜叉船，长城刮倒半边塞。
那阵狂风过后，只见半空里来了一个妖精，果然生得丑陋，黑脸短毛，长喙大耳，穿一领青不青、蓝不蓝的梭布直裰，系一条花布手巾。
孙悟空暗笑道：“原来是这个买卖！”好个孙悟空，却不迎他，也不问他，且睡在床上推病，口里哼哼喷喷的不绝。
那怪不识真假，走进房，一把搂住，就要亲嘴。
孙悟空暗道：“真个要来弄俺老孙哩！”
即使个拿法，托着那怪的长嘴，扑的掼下床来。
那怪爬起来，扶着床边道：“姐姐，你怎么今日有些怪我？想是我来得迟了？”
孙悟空道：“不怪！不怪！”
猪八戒道：“既不怪我，怎么就丢我这一跌？”
孙悟空道：“你怎么就这等样小家子，就搂我亲嘴？我因今日有些不自在，若每常好时，便起来开门等你了，你可脱了衣服睡就是。”
那猪八戒真个就去脱衣。
孙悟空跳起来，坐在净桶上。
那猪八戒依旧复来床上摸一把，摸不着人，叫道：“姐姐，你往阿里去了？脱衣服睡罢。”
孙悟空道：“你先睡，等我出个恭来。”
那猪八戒就先上床。
孙悟空忽然叹口气，道声：“哎呀！”
那猪八戒道：“你怎么了？我得到了你家，虽是吃了些茶饭，却也不曾白吃你的：我也曾替你家扫地通沟，搬砖运瓦，筑土打墙，耕田耙地，种麦插秧，创家立业。如今你身上穿的锦，戴的金，四时有花果享用，八节有蔬菜烹煎，你还有那些儿不趁心处，这般短叹长吁，叹什么气？”
孙悟空道：“不是这等说，今日我的父母，隔着墙，丢砖料瓦的，甚是打我骂我哩。”
那怪道：“他骂你什么？”
孙悟空道：“骂我和你做了夫妻，你是他门下一个女婿，全没些儿礼体。这样个丑嘴脸的人，又会不得姨子，又见不得亲戚，又不知你云来雾去，端的是哪里人家，姓甚名谁，败坏他清德，玷辱他门风，故此这般打骂，所以烦恼。”
那猪八戒道：“我虽是有些儿丑陋，若要变俊，却也不难。我一来时，曾与他讲过，他愿意方才招我，今日怎么又说起这话！我家住在福陵山云栈洞。我以相貌为姓，故姓猪，官名叫做猪刚鬣。他若再来问你，你就以此话与他说便了。”
孙悟空暗喜道：“那怪却也老实，不用动刑，就供得这等明白。既有了地方姓名，就算跑了也能拿住他。”
孙悟空道：“他要请法师来拿你哩。”
猪八戒笑道：“睡着！睡着！莫睬他！我有天罡数的变化，九齿的钉钯，怕什么法师、和尚、道士？就是你老子有虔心，请下九天荡魔祖师下界，我也曾与他做过相识，他也不敢把我怎的。”
孙悟空道：“他说请一个五百年前大闹天宫姓孙的齐天大圣，要来拿你哩。”
猪八戒闻得这个名头，就有三分害怕道：“既是这等说，我去了罢，两口子做不成了。”
孙悟空道：“你怎么就去？”
猪八戒道：“你不知道，那闹天宫的弼马温，有些本事，只恐我弄他不过，低了名头，丢了面子。”
不着急套上衣服，开了门，往外就走，被孙悟空一把扯住，将自己脸上抹了一抹，现出原身，喝道：“好妖怪，哪里走！你抬头看看我是哪个？”
猪八戒转过眼来，看见孙悟空咨牙俫嘴，火眼金睛，磕头毛脸，就是个活雷公相似，慌得他手麻脚软，划剌的一声，挣破了衣服，化狂风脱身而去。
孙悟空急上前，掣铁棒，望风打了一下。
那猪八戒化万道火光，径转本山而去。
孙悟空驾云，随后赶来，叫声：“哪里走！你若上天，我就赶到斗牛宫！你若入地，我就追至枉死狱！”
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