第八章 心如死灰
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沈澜僵直地站在那儿似乎肩上扛着山一样明明脊背挺直却好像疲惫之极好半天也不动。直到他听到景鸾的声音才大步走出浴房跟谁也没说一句话。
到这个时候景鸾也不担心二爷的行为会触怒君王了因为他们是亲兄弟。
不是皇家出身共同经历了太多生与死所以这血浓于水的感情是无论如何也不会被破坏的。就算为了心爱的人也不会反目。只是这兄弟二人之中终有一人会伤心的。
他景叹着望向站在那儿挣扎不已的方初晴却见她双手紧握咬着唇显然也很为难。可这为难不过持续了两秒她就箭一样冲出去流心院不大不过是个两进的院子所以方初晴很快就追到了沈澜叫他站住。
“你。。。你不要太伤心。”她本想说：你不要不喜欢我因为我喜欢你。可话到嘴边却变成了那样。
沈澜停下脚步背负着双手望向已经变得昏暗的天空苦涩地道“我不伤心因为我爹也不会为我伤心吧？我是他预料之外的儿子特别是因为我与我亲娘的存在使他和太太的感情遭到了破坏不管他是不是被迫我总是那个替罪的人。从前他从没正眼看过我为此我很恨我亲娘因为是她不省事亲自吵上门来硬赖到府上得了个姨娘的名分。我一直恨她因为她令我蒙羞四处遭人白眼还因为她举止粗俗地位低贱伤害了那么善良的太太妄图得到沈家的家产。可到今天我才明白当年她才是真正爱我的人她所做的一切不过是为了我的将来我渴望的人鄙视我我轻视的人却是真正爱我的你说可不可笑？”
他说到这儿突然笑了一下却比这世上最痛苦的哭泣还要痛苦一万倍“所以不管老爷有没有死是怎么死的我都不会伤心。因为。。。他生我出来却憎恨我让我从小孤单孤单寂寞好像我是他一生中最大的污点。而且他还亲手杀了那个真正爱我的亲娘。你说我为什么要伤心？”
“沈澜你不要这样。我。。。我。。。”方初晴伸出双手抓紧沈澜的衣袖因为用力过度手指关节都白了。
“你先前说太太要为我说亲。可是我不要她们。就算是太太给我安排的我也不要。我知道你爱过我大哥现在或许还爱可不管最后你选谁我除了你谁也不要。”他一字一句的话声音平淡介一家子句中蕴含的无悔深情还有那份执着的坚持却分外动人比誓言还像誓言。
我也只要你！我也只要你！再也不会让你孤孤单单的一个人了！再也不会让你连伤心也没有资格！再也不会让你一个人面对这个空荡荡的世界！
她想这么说她心里这样喊可张了几次嘴喉咙却不出半点声音似乎有人掐住了她的脖子。她拼了命还是不行。直到沈澜寂寞的身影寥落的消失在流心院的门口她才“哇”的一声哭了出来心痛如绞跪坐在地上望阒空空如也的天空。
“你想我让明白。我全明白了！那生不如死那心如死灰我都明白了。(http：／／）。现在请你把我还给我！”她哭得上气不接下气从没这么伤心过。因为沈澜一定误会她了。怎么办？要怎么解释给他听？要哪一天才能摆脱图玛的控制让她做回自己面对自己的心！
沈沅站在角落看着方初晴心下凉凉的。
他不明白青儿说的话是什么意思？是谁想让她明白？什么又叫把“我”还给“我”？可是他懂得另一件事他的青儿爱上了他的二弟。他早就知道了不是吗？他不怪她那是她在失去记忆时生的事。二弟如此优秀女人爱上他太容易了。青儿之前对他是真心现在对澜二也是真心倘若他们要兄弟相争青儿会很为难痛苦就像现在一样。
他舍不得。
可是他更舍不得的是。。。当二次机会摆在他面前他却再次失去她！
“去扶她起来地上凉然后弄点好吃的给她晚上七点多再过来广武院。”他头也没回地对跟过来的景鸾说叹息了声。
唉如果有解决不了的事情还是先放一放的好。先顾着大事吧毕竟有命才有机会谈情说爱。冷一冷也许很多难题就变成顺其自然的事情了。
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