第五百二十三章 御沟宰相
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唐富贵说道：“二哥果然好算计，我明日也像哥买个举人进士做，好盛鼎甲，状而元之，将来大约也和那什么司徒差不多了。”
邬斯文不满的道：“贤弟之言谬矣哉！举人进士乃博学而成名者，岂能沽之哉所得也？”
唐富贵大笑道：“二哥，我的好兄弟，你还瞒我？你那年中举，多少人不满举贤才而不科举，打到了贡院又打到了吏部。当时我凑热闹也跟了去，吏部的大人们恼了叫拿人，我因穿着一双红鞋，被当做秀才捉了去。
亏了有人认得我，说这是童百万，一个大字也不认得的大白丁，你们拿他做什么？这才放了我跑回家里。你知道我为何记得这么清楚么？是我吓慌了丢了一只鞋，我家奶奶疑我在外边做了坏事，被人撵急了才掉的鞋，要拿棒槌打断我的双腿，是我再三哀求才分辨清楚，就这样还被骂了好几日呢。
所以是我亲眼看见的事，二哥你当日买举人也费了几个钱。等科举年要有卖的，您是老行家，价钱便宜的话也替我买一个成不成？兄弟我体面起来，也替二位哥哥脸上争些光彩。”
姚远说道：“唐老爷怕是误会了，那年朝廷命天下举荐贤才，故此有人举荐的邬老爷。而以邬老爷之大才，取状元如拾芥，何况举人进士？”
邬斯文得意的道：“有是哉，童之迂也。即有如杞梁之妻善哭其夫之哭，非因我也，为二三子也。”
杨稷说道：“大家不要争了，真也是进士，假也是进士，咱们闲话休提。古时不是有一句话说得好，“无红裙，俗了人”，咱们这酒席间须得有个名妓玩笑玩笑，才可以醒脾。不然咱们四个爷们拿着酒，像灌老鼠洞似的一味胡饮，没有一点乐趣。”
唐富贵和邬斯文立时心痒痒了，其实他们有钱能缺少逛青楼？奈何一个怕老婆要死，一个斯文名声在外，又都担心被人骗了钱去，名妓的价钱又不菲，越有钱越抠门，是以并没有多少欢场上的经验。
其实杨稷也是个怕老婆的，但他心性狠毒荒唐，妻子也拦不住，说道：“上个月认识了‘肉夹剪’夏锦儿还不错，可我摸她的身上，有几个杨梅豆，故此不敢惹她。”
唐富贵好奇问道：“哥，什么叫做‘肉夹剪’？”
杨稷笑道：“她那件东西据说紧的有趣，自小练了收锁功，所以人给她起了这个混名。”
唐富贵颇感兴趣的道：“我老唐也没见识过什么妇人，但我觉得妇人下面松松的像个皮口袋一般，怎么会有这样的紧东西？就算有，不怕被夹成两截子么？”
杨稷笑道：“哪里就这么厉害了，是个比方而已。你遇见哪个妇人的家伙像皮口袋一般？”
唐富贵生平只见过他尊夫人的，自然不想说出来，嬉笑道：“我就随口一问，不要管她。”
大家以为是他的相好，大概不外乎家里上了岁数的奶娘婆子一类，唐富贵饥不择食，因此心照不宣的都笑了。
姚远问道：“江西来的严姓妇人生得也好，少爷只去了一次，怎么就不再去了？”
唐富贵和邬斯文立时好生羡慕，就听杨稷说道：“那老婆的根基大着呢，是洪武早年三公老严家的嫡孙女，家道败落才出来接客，在家乡怕被人笑话，所以进京来了。
要说好是好，可有个血崩的病症，时常发作，血淋漓的我有些嫌她，故此就撂开了。最近名妓云集，有没什么才艺双绝的婊子？”
有家人说道：“听说雍翠楼有一个冠绝金陵的绝色，可惜这几日人不见了，大概是被赎买走了。”
“可惜可惜。”杨稷跺足叹息。
还有个家人说道：“所谓名妓云集，接的客人也多，三教九流贩夫走卒什么人没有？岂能入了三位老爷的眼？小的倒是知道有一个瞎姑名叫莲花，生得十分标致，又有才学，这几日刚刚开门迎客，但她从来不肯出门。或者老爷们到她家里玩玩，家中也算干净。”
邬斯文恰好也听说过瞎姑的名字，说道：“然有是言也，吾尝闻其语矣，未见其人耳。”
姚远却说道：“这莲花晚生也知道，确实是有才学又美貌，算得上一代名妓，可以陪得三位老爷。”
杨稷喜道：“既然好，我们几时接来玩玩。虽然说她从不出门，但听到是咱们去请，她不敢不来。要是敢跟我拿捏架子，教司坊倒驴不倒架，吩咐了差人去拿毛绳索套了她来。”
唐富贵叫道：“那还等什么，咱们移驾去大哥家，然后叫莲花过来。”
杨稷忙说道：“先别忙！有一件不瞒二位贤弟说，你嫂子贤惠是不假，就是性子厉害了些，我不敢轻易惹她。想我这样顶天立地的好汉岂是惧内的人？但万事抬不过一个理字，她事事都合情合理，我也不能不听。所以就怕冒失的接了人来，一旦你嫂子怒了，如何了得？等我先慢慢同她商量明白了，咱们再请不迟。”
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