第145页
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揉了揉太阳穴，搁下手中帐册，慢步走出暖阁。更多小说ltxsba.com九月的北京，天空如水洗过般的明澈清透，看着格外舒心。我嘴角含着丝笑，依靠在廊柱上，静静凝视着天空深处。
听到身后脚步匆匆，一个太监跑到暖阁外，探头对里面当值的宫女太监叫道：“皇上就要到了，今日都留着神。”我依旧缩在廊柱后，心里却是诧异，看这个架式难道又有什么事情让胤禛心情不好？
心下琢磨了会，却无任何头绪，如今我对朝堂之事也就知道那么几件大事，别的我既懒得关心，也无从得知。正在暗自琢磨，胤禛已经回来，身后跟着十三。我从廊柱后转了出来，俯身请安。胤禛脸色清冷如常，看不出有什么不悦之处，十三也是神色淡然，凝视了我一瞬，移开了视线。
两人一先一后进了大殿，我缓缓走出养心殿。找了个能看到进出养心殿的角落坐下，发起呆来。
“十三爷！”十三应声回头，见是我，笑说：“我有些事情急着出宫，有什么话回头再说。”说着就提步而行。我赶在他身前挡住，盯着他问：“发生何事？”
十三蹙眉看了会我道：“知道的越多越烦，不如索性什么都不知道。”我固执地定定看着他。半晌后，他轻叹口气，垂目凝视着地面道：“皇兄今日责骂了八哥。”
我茫然地想，不是雍正四年允禩才被拘禁去世的吗？我一直逃避，不愿意去想的事情，今日终于在脑海中浮出。
十三等了半晌，看我只是呆呆站着，轻叹道：“若曦，不要想了，这些事情你无能为力的。”我道：“为什么责骂八爷？”十三道：“今日皇兄奉皇阿玛神牌升附太庙，在端门前设置的更衣帐房歇息时，因屋内一切都是新制，所以有些油气薰蒸。此事筹备是由工部负责，八哥恰好管工部事务，皇兄一时激怒，就训斥了八哥。”
我默了半晌问：“只是训斥吗？”十三犹豫下道：“还下旨命八哥及工部侍郎、郎中等跪太庙前一昼夜。”我转身向养心殿行去，十三一把抓住我道：“你想做什么？去求情？我能求的情都已求过，能说的话也全都说了。”
我问：“难道只能眼看着吗？”十三叹道：“今日求情的大臣都遭到训斥，我后来私下和皇兄说情，皇兄只是静听，我说了半晌，皇兄淡淡一句‘旨意已下，断无出尔反尔的道理’，接着就再不愿谈及此事。你去求情难道就能比我更管用？”
我道：“总要试一试呀！”十三道：“我有话和你说。”说着举步而行，行到无人处，他低头沉吟了半晌道：“若曦，皇兄虽没册封你，只以宫女的名义留你在养心殿，可明眼人心中都明白你已是皇兄的人。当年我还担心过你不能全心全意对皇兄，可如今就我看，你对皇兄的情意绝不会比皇兄对你的少。既然如此，你就彻底放下八哥吧！”
我问：“若你我易地而处，同样的事情，你能做到视为陌路，不闻不问吗？你自己都做不到的事情，怎么能要求我？”
十三道：“我知道这很难，可如今形势在那里。以前还有层关系，八哥是你姐夫，可如今你们之间根本没有任何关系，你若还心中老是记挂着八哥，一旦被皇兄知道你和八哥之间的事情，你这是在害他。”
我凄苦一笑道：“当年你还劝我可以直接将此事告知皇上，说什么‘你也把四哥想得太小气了！佐鹰能包容敏敏，四哥就不能包容你？’”十三一时怔怔，半晌后道：“这是多少年前的话？你居然还记得！已经隔了十一年时间，期间发生了多少事情？我们都不是当时的我们,如今是皇兄，而非四哥！”
我喃喃问：“胤祥，我该怎么办？”十三长叹道：“你若真为八哥好，就是放下。否则被皇兄察觉出蛛丝马迹，动了疑心，那皇兄迟早会知道的，到时皇兄只怕更恨八哥。”
我弯身蹲在地上，双手捧着脸，为什么会这样？十三默然相陪，很久后幽幽道：“人生一世，不过短短数十年，却悲苦多，欢乐少！无可奈何事竟十有八九！”我缓缓站起，和十三木然相视半晌，转身离去，只闻身后一声长长叹息。
我跪在佛像前，凝视着微微而笑的佛，你究竟懂什么？那些读去有理，却完全做不到偈语吗？
“怎么今日突然拜起佛了？往日可从不烧香拜佛的。”胤禛在身后问，我头未回，垂目看着地面。胤禛上前添了三柱香，“听太监说你在这里已经跪了两个多时辰，晚膳也没用。你膝盖可经不起这样，快起来吧！”
他静静等了会，看我依旧低头跪着，没有任何反应，一面伸手拖我，一面道：“心诚不在这些事情上，起来吧！”我挣脱他的手，跪着未动。
他静立了会问：“你都知道了？谁告诉你此事的？”过了会，他又道：“养心殿知道此事的人绝没有敢在你跟前传话的，想来只有十三弟拗不过你，告诉的你了。”
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