第七章 道士观相
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随后，西门庆道：“先生，你相我面如何？”
吴守真端详了一下西门庆，道：“大官人头圆项短，定为享福之人；体健筋强，决是英豪之辈；天庭高耸，一生衣禄无忧；地阁方圆，晚岁荣华定取。这几椿是好的。但也有几椿不足之处，贫道不好说。”
西门庆道：“仙长但说无妨。”
吴守真先是让西门庆站了起来并走了几步，道：“大官人行如摆柳，必主伤妻；若无刑克，必损其身。只有刑克妻子之后，命数才会转好。”
想到前妻确是遭自己克死了，西门庆忙道：“已刑过了。”
随后又让西门庆伸出手来看。吴守真道：“智慧生于皮毛，苦乐观于手足。大官人细软丰润，必享福禄之人也。两目雌雄，必主富而多诈；眉生二尾，一生常自足欢娱；根有三纹，中岁必然多耗散；奸门红紫，一生广得妻财。但泪堂丰厚，亦主贪花。”
相毕，西门庆道：“请仙长相相房下众人。”
月娘是大娘，自是从月娘算起，但见其端详了一下月娘后，说：“娘子面如满月，家道兴隆；唇若红莲，衣食丰足，必得贵而生子；声响神清，必益夫而发福。”
随即又让月娘露出十指春葱，吴守真观后道：“干姜之手，女人必善持家，照人之鬓，坤道定须秀气。这几椿是好处。还有一些不足之处，泪堂黑痣，若无宿疾，必刑夫；眼下皴纹，亦主六亲若冰炭。”
接着是二娘李娇儿，吴守真观看良久：“此位娘子，额尖鼻小，非侧室，必三嫁其夫；肉重身肥，广有衣食而荣华安享；肩耸声泣，不贱则孤；鼻梁若低，非贫即夭。额尖露背并蛇行，早年必定落风尘。假饶不是娼门女，也是屏风后立人。”
看到孟三娘时，吴守真道：“这位娘子，三停平等，一生衣禄无亏；六府丰隆，晚岁荣华定取。平生少疾，到老无灾。口如四字神清澈，温厚堪同掌上珠。威命兼全财禄有，终主刑夫两有余。”
轮到潘金莲时，潘金莲嘻笑着站了起来。吴守真抬头观看这个妇人，沉吟半日，方才说道：“此位娘子，发浓髩重，眼光斜视，媚荡成性，面长黑痣，必主刑夫。”
观看李瓶儿时，吴守真道：“皮肤香细，乃富室之女娘；容貌端庄，乃素门之德妇。卧蚕明润而紫色，必产贵儿；体白肩圆，必受夫之宠爱。频遇喜祥，盖谓福星明润。但山根青黑，三九前后应慎之慎之！”
李瓶儿闻后心里咯噔了一下，脸色微变，暗道：“三九前后，岂不是明年前后？”
“这位娘子，体矮声高，额尖鼻小，虽然出谷迁乔，但一生冷笑无情，作事机深内重。燕体蜂腰是卑贱，眼如流水不廉真。常时斜倚门儿立，不为婢妾必风尘。”当看到孙雪娥时，吴守真道。
月娘转头看到春梅，也叫她上来教老仙长相相。春梅缠手缠脚地走了出来，朝吴守真道了万福。吴守真一看，但见那丫头春梅年约二九，头戴银丝云髻儿，白线挑衫儿，桃红裙子，蓝纱比甲儿。观看良久，吴守真道：“此位小姐五官端正，骨格清奇。发细眉浓，禀性要强；神急眼圆，为人急燥。山根不断，必得贵夫而生子；两额朝拱，主早年必戴珠冠。行步若飞仙，声响神清，必益夫而得禄，三九定然封赠。但吃了这左眼过大的亏，早年克父；右眼过小，周岁克娘。右腮一黑痣，一生受夫敬爱。天庭端正五官平，口若涂砂行步轻。仓库丰盈财禄厚，一生常得贵人怜。”
“老神仙，两位犬子也在当前，还请老神仙仔细相一相。”待算毕众妇，西门庆站起朝吴守真长腰作揖，肃声道。除了关心自己的命外，西门庆最关心的还是自己这两个儿子的命运。他对一众妇人的命如何倒是一笑置之，因为他觉得她们的命完全掌握在自己的手上。
这西门庆还真是有些偏心，亦可见他对李瓶儿的疼爱骄纵，看来在他心里，官哥儿才是他的骄傲，孝哥儿是个傻子，上不得前台。但见西门庆令一个丫头将官哥儿抱了上来，让老仙长好好观相。
可不曾想，那吴守真看了一眼官哥儿，即匆匆移开目光，沉吟许久许久，才转身向西门庆意味深长地看了一眼，道，“此子命格极差，不敢说。”西门庆心里有些不舒服，凝声道：“先生但说无妨，不是有生死由命，富贵在天一说吗?”
吴守真心想，此人一言不合，厉色隐现，果然是不得善终的反复小人。于是沉凝了片刻，道：“大官人，请借一步说话。”随即转身负手走到一旁，西门庆无奈，只好跟了上去。吴守真对西门庆一人低语道：“此子桃花面色，面皮绷急，两耳低小，面短身长，下巴尖窄，两目短促而无光，瞻视无力。按《麻衣相法》中的《神异赋》上说：神短无光，早赴幽冥之客。尚且，筋骨柔弱，肉重无骨者早夭。”
西门庆听后骇然作色，手指着吴守真，愤懑异常，张口结舌，一脸冷狠，像是恨不得立时生吃活剥了面前此人。良久，西门庆才像一个泄气的皮球一般，脸色苍白，双股颤颤，无力地退回坐在位置，哪里还有心思再让吴守真给那个傻儿子孝哥儿相面，脑海里只有两个冷冰冰的字：“早夭”。
这时，月娘见还有自己的儿子孝哥儿没有相到，相公好像也把这个西门家的嫡子忘却了一般。月娘心里有些不平，于是开声道：“老仙长，我儿孝哥儿才是西门家的嫡子，还请老神仙也替我儿好好相一相。”
孝哥儿来自二十一世纪的无神论时代，那是一个人定胜天，人有多大胆，前途就有多广阔的时代，哪会相信这些骗钱道士乌七八糟的说法，自进来后，孝哥儿就坐在一旁冷眼旁观。这时，见娘亲叫到自己，没办法，母命难违，于是百无聊赖地站了起来，脸带揶揄和调侃的神情，吊儿郎当地走到吴守真面前，由他观相。
“咦……”没想到那老神仙抬眼朝孝哥儿上下一看，脸现惊讶，胡子抖动不已，快步趋前，一双颤抖的双手竟在孝哥儿乱捏了一番，然后朝西门庆稽首作揖道：“西门大官人，可喜可贺，此子命格奇特，龙虎之姿啊！”
“一个傻子，怎么个奇特法？好你个牛鼻子臭道士，莫非我西门庆与你有仇，这般讥嘲本千户、本提刑！”西门庆愤然大怒，拍案而起，震得几上的茶壶离几而起。
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