第十四萌、我带你去丽春院玩
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一群少年都转过头来看李岩,只见李岩神sè平静地穿好了太监衣服,还从旁边拿起一个奇怪的头套在脑袋上一套,这个头套前面半截是秃的,后面拖着一条长辫子,戴在头上就盖住了他本来的发型,让他看起来很像一个清朝人了。龙腾小说ltxsba.com
另外十一名少年的脸上都露出了不爽的神sè,独孤源忍不住开口讥讽道:“差生就是差生,成绩差不说,连尊严都没有,不光把自己打扮成太监,还把发型也弄成了清狗的光额头大辫子造型,你丢人不丢人?”
“就是!”旁边那三个被李岩打过的男生也道:“大好男儿,把自己弄成一条清狗,哼!难怪你会为乔峰那厮出头,你简直是汉人中的败类。”
李岩忍不住冷笑道:“一群二傻!咱们这次任务的目的是刺杀鳌拜,而达成这个目的的手段就是伪装成满清小皇帝手下的摔跤太监,既然如此,打扮成这样又怎么了?我这个叫做懂得变通……你们则叫做食古不化。”
“辣块妈妈的#旱得好!”韦小宝刷地一下跳到了李岩的身边,伸手在李岩的肩头上用力拍了几下:“学弟,你说得太对了……为达目的,就要懂得不择手段,那些食古不化的懂个屁。老娘当年为了帮一个叫茅十八的傻子打架,向敌人扔了一把石灰,帮着茅十八把那人杀了,没想到茅十八反而说老娘不对……说什么撒石灰是下三滥的举动,呸!老娘要是不够下三滥,早就被人给杀了,哪能活到今天?”
李岩看过《鹿鼎记》,依稀记得这个情节,便笑道:“换了我在那种情况下,也是要撒石灰的,韦学姐做得对。”
韦小宝难得听到一个人认同撒石灰这种手段,顿时开心起来:“辣块妈妈的学弟,你不错,学姐看好你,等这次任务结束,学姐带你去丽chūn院玩……”她摇头晃脑地拍着李岩的肩膀,脑袋左右晃动,一条麻花大辫子左甩右甩,倒是满好看的。李岩忍不住想道:对着一个名叫韦小宝的妹子,压力好大,以后还是称他为麻花辫妹子算了。不过转念又想到她说带自己去丽chūn院玩,一张脸顿时飞红,吓得连退了几步。
麻花辫妹子看他脸嫩,觉得满好玩的,又道:“我妈韦chūn花就在丽chūn院接客,你要不要我带你去piáo我妈?”
李岩大吃一惊,差吓得飞起来。天啊,这……这也太超过了,你说话能不能有节cāo?居然介绍我去piáo你妈,这也太匪夷所思了,接受不能啊。
其实麻花辫妹子也没真的打算带人去piáo自己的妈,只不过她从小在青楼里长大,学成了一幅口无遮拦的个xìng,碰上李岩这种脸嫩的就忍不住想要说些怪话来调戏他几句,好在现在处于任务中,就强行按捺了下来,转头对另外十一个少年道:“还不赶紧化妆?你们这些一年级生敢不听话?老娘弄死你们!”
那十一名少年被韦小宝威胁,在“三年级”的yín威下,只好不情不愿地换衣服。
麻花辫妹子自己也没闲着,她闪身到了一面屏风后面,刷刷刷地也换了一套衣服,当她从屏风后面转出来时,俨然也变成了一名小太监。她又走到李岩等人前面,帮那些化妆得不够完美的少年调整了一下扮相,最后才满意地了头道:“辣块妈妈的!现在老娘来来给你们讲解任务的细节,一会儿小皇帝会在上书房传召鳌拜,和鳌拜说几句话之后,就会传召你们进上书房,你们两人一对互相摔跤扑击表演,先让鳌拜松懈,只等小皇帝手上的杯盏落地,你们就一起扑上去抱住鳌拜的手脚,让他施展不出武功,然后老娘就出手将鳌拜那激ān贼杀掉……”
李岩听了之后,努力地回想了一下这个计划,感觉和《鹿鼎记》的情节挺相似的,也就没有异议。
麻花辫妹子带着李岩、张君侧、独孤源等人走出了屋子,李岩这才发现,他们已经来到了皇宫大内,刚才那个屋子就是韦小宝的住处,旁边都是树林,颇为幽静。李岩知道这个屋子其实是海公公的,因为海公公身份超然,才能得到一个如此幽静的住处,后来海公公被杀,这个屋子才成为了韦小宝的住处。
麻花辫妹子带着他们走向上书房,沿路碰上了无数太监、宫女、侍卫,这些人见到韦小宝都十分尊敬,肃立在道旁让她先走,口称“桂公公”,可见韦小宝在宫中的地位已经很高了。
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