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第一零三七萌、悟剑的御姐

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御姐见李岩一头大汗的样子,哼哼:“不用这么吃惊,我一看你就知道你是天才,只要你好好练一练,到四十岁时候就会理解什么叫心中有剑了。”

李岩的脸抽搐了一下:“你多少岁?”

御姐嘻嘻笑道:“本小姐今年二十八。”

“你不是说天才也要四十岁才能心中有剑?丫的你才二十八!”

御姐笑道:“因为我不是天才,我是超级天才呀。我在十岁那一年,用一柄利剑与河朔群雄争锋。十五岁时爱用软剑,刚柔并济,可惜误伤义士不详,弃之深谷。二十岁前持重剑横行天下,二十五岁用木剑,摘叶飞花,皆可伤人。现在二十八岁,连木剑都不用了,摘叶飞花都不必了,只要动一动念头,心中之剑已足可伤人。”

李岩呆了一呆:“我知道了,你是剑魔,独孤求败。”

“我的确是剑魔,但我叫独孤丽,不叫独孤求败呀。”她说到这里,突然喜道:“我觉得独孤求败这名字也挺不错的,以后就改名叫求败吧,哇哈哈哈哈。”

李岩以手捂脸,伤不起,在路边吃个也能吃出剑魔独孤求败,这还要不要人活了?不过就算是剑魔也不能吹牛逼啊,什么心中有剑,就是扯蛋,李岩大叫道:“不要扯了,不就是把内力凝结成剑气射出体外伤人吗?什么心中有剑,骗人呢。这招我也会……”李岩又捡了个木桩过来,挥手使出六脉神剑,六道剑气射出去,那木桩也咔嚓咔嚓变成了一堆木条。

独孤御姐楞了楞,脸蛋微红:“什么嘛,你早说你会无形剑气,我就不装逼了,真没劲,人家在山里悟剑好孤独哦,好不容易碰见个可以装逼的对象,你一句就把人家揭穿了,太不好玩了。”

李岩扁嘴道:“少扯,你不是有一只大雕做玩伴吗?那只大雕呢?”

独孤御姐笑道:“前些天我在山上玩,见一群猎人放猎犬抓兔子,我就放出了大雕去抓猎犬,然后它就自己玩去了,暂时没回来。”

李岩以手捂脸:我的个天,别人放猎犬抓兔子,你是放猎鹰去抓猎犬,是谁把你教得这么别扭的?不行,我得离这女人远,不然说不定就被带进沟里去了。

“小帅哥,我看你就觉得你很有钱的样子。”独孤御姐伸手道:“让姐姐打劫钱买件衣服吧,你看我现在这造型,快不能见人了。”

“没钱你可以找工作呀,一天到晚窝在山里做啥?”李岩表示不满。

“悟剑呀!”

“你不是已经达到大成,心中有剑了?还悟个菜篮子啊。”

“哦,这么说来倒也是。”独孤御姐仔细地想了半天,还是伸手道:“那我不悟了,离开深山去城里混混,但是我身上这套衣服在山里还能混,到城里就完全不能混了吧,你还是让我打劫钱买套新衣服吧。”

李岩四十度仰面朝天,拿出一张银票道:“拿去买药吃!”

“我是要买衣服,不买药。”独孤御姐严重抗议。

李岩摊手道:“买药吃就是让你随便用的意思,不要深究,你在山里太久,对外面的流行用语不清楚,我不怪你。我来教你,现在外面的世界最流行的歌叫《小苹果》,流行的舞叫《骑马舞》,流行的小说是《太监眼中的女人》,注行的词语更是多,比如坑爹、挖掘机、三十二个赞,你肯定都不知道吧?你已经是土鳖了,剑法再高也是土鳖,没得治了,你还是回山里继续悟剑吧。”

独孤御姐满脸惊色:“外面的世界变化如此之快?话说,现在的天下还是大宋的吗?”

李岩头:“是大宋。”

“那现在的皇帝是谁?”

李岩指了指自己的鼻子:“是我。”

独孤御姐“噗”地一声笑了出来:“你这小帅哥真爱说笑,你是皇帝?我还是皇后呢!”

李岩苦着脸道:“我真是皇帝,骗你做啥?”

独孤御姐哼哼道:“不和你瞎扯蛋了,我现在对外面的世界十分陌生,你带我去江湖上走走吧,给我介绍一下天下究竟如何了,我是前辈高人,不能一幅呆傻笨的样子走江湖,被人看到要是被笑话的,先借你作为掩护摸清楚形式再说。”

李岩摊手:“可是我不能走江湖,我得先去海外的一个岛上吃腊八粥。”

独孤御姐笑道:“那我陪你先去吃了腊八粥再回来一起走江湖,这事情就这么定了……”

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