第三章 东门 （五 下）
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看着同僚们眼中射出来的，或是畏缩或是幸灾乐祸的目光。更多小说ltxsba.com程小九感觉到自己的脊背渐渐凉，他心中又涌上了那股天黑时行路被野兽盯上了的感觉，脖颈上长满小疙瘩，手掌也紧紧地握成了一团。
掌心处是佩刀的木柄，那是唯一能让他感觉到安全和值得信赖的东西，比起眼前的上司和同事的笑容来，刀柄反而更温暖些。
林县令的目光仍然在游移不定，小九知道他下不了决心。这个耳朵比蚯蚓还软的懦弱家伙，自己居然一直将他视作的可以信赖的长辈！想与张金称谋皮么？谁出的主意谁去当使！既然尔等将守卫馆陶看做程某一个人的责任，程某有什么理由替尔等去送死！
这样想着，程小九慢慢地将头低下去。学着其他人的模样眼观鼻，鼻观心，如老僧入定般静坐不动。他听见窗外的啾啾鸟鸣，听见风徐徐地拂过林梢，听见同僚们紧张的呼吸和肚子里边咕咕的鸣叫……惊吓中渡过了一整夜，大伙谁都没机会吃早。最早抗不住饿的人也许会第一个站起来主动请缨去当使，而程小九饥一顿饱一顿早已习惯了，一整天不吃东西也不会觉得头晕。
窗外又响起了悠长的角声，已经快正午了。一声号角代表着迄今为止城头上一切平安。可怜那些坚守在城头上的乡勇，如果他们知道背后的上司就是这样无耻的一群，他们还有没有士气拿起长枪？
但这些家伙从来不觉得自己形容丑陋，他们聪明地寻找着借口，将林县令看过来的目光一一“推”开。平时不肯让商贩们拖欠一个肉好的市署主事突然变成了不精于计算的蠢驴，平素耀武扬威的弓手蒋烨昨夜突然吐血，并且有很多人作证。贾捕头与杜疤瘌父女有仇，郭捕头的腿脚不便。董主簿是朝廷钦的命官，进入敌营后会辱没天子的颜面……
没人适合去做使。虽然在议论出使的目的和细节时，大伙一个比一个聪明，一个比一个热切。“非卑职无勇，而是卑职怕耽误了阖县老小的性命！”借口一个比一个善良，一个比一个合情合理。唯一找不到借口的，只有呆坐于桌案旁的程小九。
少年人感觉到无数目光集中过来，殷切地落到自己的头上。他是唯一的，也是最适合的使。仿佛在进入军营的那一天起，上天已经安排好了这一切。所以，他不应该拒绝，如果拒绝就是不懂得感激林县令的知遇之恩，不服从冥冥中的天命！
如果出使之人将城中的底细全交代给张金称，馆陶城恐怕半个时辰就会被流寇们攻破。那样，所有人都会死，无论其地位是高贵还是轻贱。就像王二毛先前所说，一把大火，烧个干干净净。这把大火中，还有自己在驴屎胡同那东倒西歪的茅草屋。程小九忍不住苦笑了一下，泪水慢慢涌上了眼眶。
“程兵曹！”林县令的声音恰恰在此时传来，让少年人心冷如冰。他吸了吸鼻子，笑着站起身，“大人有事尽管吩咐，程某唯您马是瞻！”
“你初为兵曹，便屡屡立下大功，这，这些本县上下有目共睹！”林县令被程小九的目光看得心里虚，咽了口吐沫，艰难地迂回。“本县，本县所见过的少年英杰中，无人，无人能出你之右。若，若……”
“呵呵！”一声憨厚的大笑打断了他的话。程小九一边笑，一边连连摇头，“大人不要夸我了。程某当不起英杰二字。但大人也不必为难，这出使之事，程某愿意担当！“
“程兵曹——”林县令拖长了声音感慨，脸色难得地红了一次。“本县，如果你能完成使命，本县绝不会忘了你的功劳！”
“大人言重了！”程小九继续笑着摇头，目光在瞬间变得古井无波，“既为本县兵曹，杀贼退敌乃程某的分内之事。只希望大人能答应程某几个要求，也好让程某去得安心！”
“讲，只要本县能做到，肯定会答应你！”听对方提出要求来，林县令心中的愧疚立刻减轻了几分，抖擞着精神回答道。
“程某饿了一整夜，想先吃顿饱饭！”程小九拱了拱手，淡然说道。
“那是当然，那是当然。本县刚才忧心过度，竟把大伙的早饭给忘记了。孙主事，你马上去处安排一下，到逍遥楼要一桌最好的酒菜来。本县要亲自把盏给程兵曹壮行！”
“为了不被贼人看破城内底细，请大人再给程某准备身合适的衣装！”程小九笑了笑，继续道。
“那是自然，那是自然。你既为使，怎能穿着这身血淋淋的衣服去出使。刘主事，你马上派人去市上看一下，有合适的衣裳和靴子多给程兵曹取一些来。要干净利落，莫让贼人看了本县的笑话！”仿佛唯恐程小九反悔般，林县令没口子答应。“还有什么要求，你尽管说，本县一一安排人去办！”
“若是程某回不来，请大人一份俸禄给程某的老娘。”程小九的头慢慢低了下去，牙齿紧紧地咬住了下唇。他不想流泪，至少不再这些人面前暴露出自己的软弱。软弱在这里换不来任何同情，只能让、促使别人踏上更重的一脚。从今天起，他是馆陶县兵曹程名振，不再是驴屎胡同的半大小子程小九。他必须仰挺胸地走出城去，不让任何人看笑话。
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