16．买鱼送刀
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利明道：“应笑，该笑，我们的确很可笑！”
鱼姑娘竭力想笑得自然些：“你们是武林中赫赫有名的豪杰，成日拿刀动枪的，难免有些个什么样的损伤，虽伤了额面。
却添了雄武，增了战绩，还多了些男子汉过人魅力哪——有什么好笑的！”
利明道：“我说我们可笑，那是因为，我们的模样闹成这个样子，落到这般田地，却不是因为江湖械斗，争强好胜，比武交战中得来的。”
鱼姑娘现在说什么也笑不出来了：“那是怎么发生的？”
利明独目中闪闪发光；
狠光。
“你问我？”
“是呀。”
“你想知道？”
“对啊。”
利明目中发出寒芒。
厉芒。
“好，我告诉你吧，鱼姑娘，”利明说，“我们之所以会变成了入不像人、鬼不似鬼的怪物，完全是拜你之赐：因你之故！”
他一字一句地道：“那一次，我们就是听了你的推介，买了你的东西，才落得如此下场！”
这时，许多食客，茶客，都惊动了，凑了上来，好奇的都在打听，窃窃私语：
“但是怎么回事呀？”
“到底发生了什么事！？”
“鱼姑娘葫芦里究竟卖的是什么药，把人闹得这副惨状！”
来探问的还包括了两三名衙役、捕快打扮的人，还有两三名大概是刀笔吏、都监之类的人物，其中一个打扮高雅，举止文雅的中年人关切的问：“好秋姑娘，你对这些爷们做了什么事，让他们这般恼火！”
鱼姑娘眼儿滴溜溜，一转一转面向四人笑道：“听四位所说，大爷的尊容会如比这般；都是因我所害了？”
利明只答一个字：“是。”
鱼姑娘说：“但我从来都没有出手加害过四位——四位老爷落得如此田地，想必是因为买了我推销的东西之故了？”
这次利明也只答了两个字：“当然。”
鱼姑娘柔声和颜悦色温容问：“那你们买了小女子我啥东西？怎会把你们弄成这个样子？”
“明月钦”利明开口启齿，忽又脸含怒气，强抑下来，欲言又止。
“太阳钻”钟午不听犹可，一听就稀哩哗啦的骂了出来：
“你还敢说！你妈子的！你还好意思说！那次，我们家的主人要我们买一些‘正牌如鱼得水，长夜不休丸’回去，你，你却趁机介绍我们咱兄弟一些私货：一个试用‘金牌偷香窃玉烟’，一个推荐‘新戾鸡呜狗盗五麻散’，一个则介绍了种他娘的什么玩意‘老招牌为所欲为从心所欲玉琼浆’，还有一个，就是我们的利老四，你硬是免费奉送了一包，老字号口含咀喷一泄千里、一针见血、一招了黄蜂尾后钉，……结果，操你妹子的，就把我们搞成这个样子了！”
鱼姑娘居然还笑嘻嘻的道：“别操我妈子，妹子的，小女子我就在这里，大爷们要是极不满意，要操，就操小女子好了！”
那怪面人“白热枪”吴夜怒火火的道：“好，好婊子，操你！
就操你！待会儿包准把你操得个死去活来，死去了还活不过来！”他一怒，说话居然就快利许多。
鱼姑娘似见惯了这种场面，听惯了这种说话，只说：“你只说厉害，我咀里佩服。只不过，我卖的东西给你们的时候还是好好的，又怎会把你们四位尊客变成……这个样儿呢！”
那个蒙面人（现在当然也不蒙面了）黄昏七锰八憎怨天尤人含含混混，又恼又恨地道：“嘿，你还好张扬！什么‘金牌偷香窃玉烟’嘛，我拿在咀边往窗里一吹，拍的一声，却在我口里爆炸了……满咀是血，牙掉光了，几乎连舌根也不留……还好没给人现场抓住活活打死。”
“太阳钻”钟午也气虎虎地道：“买下你推介得煞有其事的东西，咱四兄弟各去试了试……我才把‘新厌鸡鸣狗盗五麻散’往对方一撒，呼地一声，明明没风，屁也没一个，却往回我这儿一罩，我的脸便变成了这样子……！我还不算啥，你给老三的什么‘老字号含血喷人一触即发一针血什么钉’？又长又烦，我也背不全了＃蝴往敌人一喷，结果，倒射在自己眼上，差没穿脑而出，还好避了另一只……不过，一只眼睛算是废了——你好狠啊你！”
他一说完，又到“白热枪”吴夜抢了说：“你这妖妇！还好我们先行试用，没先交到八爷那儿去，要不然，伤了他，咱们还有人头在！？死婊子，臭婊子！你都害惨我们了！什么‘老招牌为所欲为从心所欲玉琼浆’，我混进酒里去，凑过去看，那小婊子不倒，却哗的一声张口一喷，全喷到我脸上来了——哪，我就变成这一张脸了！我们四师兄弟后来往一块儿凑，才知道都吃了你这骚婊子的亏，今几上来算总帐，再买件正货。”
三人如此杂七杂八的说了过来，听的人终于也明白了大半，有的略表同情，大部分的人暗自幸灾乐祸，有的还有忍俊不住。
鱼姑娘却抿着嘴儿，好暇以整的问了一句：“爷们今儿还要买小女子的好货儿么！”
“买！”那独眼人“明月钹”利明这才发话：“我买鱼！”
鱼姑娘嫣然一笑：“那买鱼的得要送刀了——”
她居然仍笑吟吟地道：“你要买的是小女子的命吧！”——
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