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16.买鱼送刀

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利明道:“应笑,该笑,我们的确很可笑!”

鱼姑娘竭力想笑得自然些:“你们是武林中赫赫有名的豪杰,成日拿刀动枪的,难免有些个什么样的损伤,虽伤了额面。

却添了雄武,增了战绩,还多了些男子汉过人魅力哪——有什么好笑的!”

利明道:“我说我们可笑,那是因为,我们的模样闹成这个样子,落到这般田地,却不是因为江湖械斗,争强好胜,比武交战中得来的。”

鱼姑娘现在说什么也笑不出来了:“那是怎么发生的?”

利明独目中闪闪发光;

狠光。

“你问我?”

“是呀。”

“你想知道?”

“对啊。”

利明目中发出寒芒。

厉芒。

“好,我告诉你吧,鱼姑娘,”利明说,“我们之所以会变成了入不像人、鬼不似鬼的怪物,完全是拜你之赐:因你之故!”

他一字一句地道:“那一次,我们就是听了你的推介,买了你的东西,才落得如此下场!”

这时,许多食客,茶客,都惊动了,凑了上来,好奇的都在打听,窃窃私语:

“但是怎么回事呀?”

“到底发生了什么事!?”

“鱼姑娘葫芦里究竟卖的是什么药,把人闹得这副惨状!”

来探问的还包括了两三名衙役、捕快打扮的人,还有两三名大概是刀笔吏、都监之类的人物,其中一个打扮高雅,举止文雅的中年人关切的问:“好秋姑娘,你对这些爷们做了什么事,让他们这般恼火!”

鱼姑娘眼儿滴溜溜,一转一转面向四人笑道:“听四位所说,大爷的尊容会如比这般;都是因我所害了?”

利明只答一个字:“是。”

鱼姑娘说:“但我从来都没有出手加害过四位——四位老爷落得如此田地,想必是因为买了我推销的东西之故了?”

这次利明也只答了两个字:“当然。”

鱼姑娘柔声和颜悦色温容问:“那你们买了小女子我啥东西?怎会把你们弄成这个样子?”

“明月钦”利明开口启齿,忽又脸含怒气,强抑下来,欲言又止。

“太阳钻”钟午不听犹可,一听就稀哩哗啦的骂了出来:

“你还敢说!你妈子的!你还好意思说!那次,我们家的主人要我们买一些‘正牌如鱼得水,长夜不休丸’回去,你,你却趁机介绍我们咱兄弟一些私货:一个试用‘金牌偷香窃玉烟’,一个推荐‘新戾鸡呜狗盗五麻散’,一个则介绍了种他娘的什么玩意‘老招牌为所欲为从心所欲玉琼浆’,还有一个,就是我们的利老四,你硬是免费奉送了一包,老字号口含咀喷一泄千里、一针见血、一招了黄蜂尾后钉,……结果,操你妹子的,就把我们搞成这个样子了!”

鱼姑娘居然还笑嘻嘻的道:“别操我妈子,妹子的,小女子我就在这里,大爷们要是极不满意,要操,就操小女子好了!”

那怪面人“白热枪”吴夜怒火火的道:“好,好婊子,操你!

就操你!待会儿包准把你操得个死去活来,死去了还活不过来!”他一怒,说话居然就快利许多。

鱼姑娘似见惯了这种场面,听惯了这种说话,只说:“你只说厉害,我咀里佩服。只不过,我卖的东西给你们的时候还是好好的,又怎会把你们四位尊客变成……这个样儿呢!”

那个蒙面人(现在当然也不蒙面了)黄昏七锰八憎怨天尤人含含混混,又恼又恨地道:“嘿,你还好张扬!什么‘金牌偷香窃玉烟’嘛,我拿在咀边往窗里一吹,拍的一声,却在我口里爆炸了……满咀是血,牙掉光了,几乎连舌根也不留……还好没给人现场抓住活活打死。”

“太阳钻”钟午也气虎虎地道:“买下你推介得煞有其事的东西,咱四兄弟各去试了试……我才把‘新厌鸡鸣狗盗五麻散’往对方一撒,呼地一声,明明没风,屁也没一个,却往回我这儿一罩,我的脸便变成了这样子……!我还不算啥,你给老三的什么‘老字号含血喷人一触即发一针血什么钉’?又长又烦,我也背不全了#蝴往敌人一喷,结果,倒射在自己眼上,差没穿脑而出,还好避了另一只……不过,一只眼睛算是废了——你好狠啊你!”

他一说完,又到“白热枪”吴夜抢了说:“你这妖妇!还好我们先行试用,没先交到八爷那儿去,要不然,伤了他,咱们还有人头在!?死婊子,臭婊子!你都害惨我们了!什么‘老招牌为所欲为从心所欲玉琼浆’,我混进酒里去,凑过去看,那小婊子不倒,却哗的一声张口一喷,全喷到我脸上来了——哪,我就变成这一张脸了!我们四师兄弟后来往一块儿凑,才知道都吃了你这骚婊子的亏,今几上来算总帐,再买件正货。”

三人如此杂七杂八的说了过来,听的人终于也明白了大半,有的略表同情,大部分的人暗自幸灾乐祸,有的还有忍俊不住。

鱼姑娘却抿着嘴儿,好暇以整的问了一句:“爷们今儿还要买小女子的好货儿么!”

“买!”那独眼人“明月钹”利明这才发话:“我买鱼!”

鱼姑娘嫣然一笑:“那买鱼的得要送刀了——”

她居然仍笑吟吟地道:“你要买的是小女子的命吧!”——

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