ISSUE 18 有爱的冰山
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往后几天我写演讲稿写得昏天黑地，别看匡恒说得容易，真正动笔差没难死我。原来我荒废了那么多业务知识，居然连公司最近的主打产品是什么都不清楚，更别提产品的性能和用途，认真追究起来，我估计还不如一个老用户对公司的产品熟悉，汗颜啊汗颜。
虽然匡恒要我扬长避短，尽量别去碰与技术相关的东西，可是除了演讲还有答辩，万一主考官丢出个技术问题，我岂不傻眼？因此为了搞清所有的产品，下了班便往技术部跑，死记硬背那些艰涩的专业术语，脑细胞几欲耗干。
演讲稿眼看接近完成，刚想找冰山大爷给把把关，不料他紧急赶往大连出差。小蓝告诉我，混到他那个级别，没事就天下太平，翘腿喝茶等发薪；出事就代表麻烦大，颠沛流离等要饭。
我挠头，不懂。
小蓝扬起暧昧不明的笑，“不懂，就让你家恒哥教到你懂咯。”
“……”
周五晚上，我正在修第N次稿，屏幕下的小企鹅欢蹦乱跳起来，我开看。
口吕品：我回来了。
打字打到十指麻痹的我，选择痛快的直拨手机，“你回来啦。”
他在那头浅笑，“嗯，刚到家。”
“怎么那么矜持呢？早通知一声我好去机场接你呀。”说完我吐舌头，大牙酸倒了。
匡恒排除干扰，问我，“演讲稿写得怎么样？”
“哎……别提了，我考虑回小学重修作文。”
“那么没有信心？”
“你想我有信心么？”我抛出诱饵。
“我相信你一定会有的。”猎物不上当。
我干脆挑明了说：“明天周末，你没事儿吧，上我家来指导指导我。”
“……”沉默片刻，“明天我们有球赛。”
我瞄蹲在脚边的二宝，扶额，“我能围观不？”
他爽快答：“我去接你。”
OK，勾搭成奸。
隔天，冰山大爷车至楼下，他透过铁门看到我，刚要开车门下来迎接，结果二宝快我一步蹦出，他立马缩腿神速关门，隔着车窗玻璃郁郁寡欢。
“二宝没人看，这几天它不怎么舒服，闹脾气，我得陪着它。”我如是解释。
他眉头抽了抽，“送去宠物店。”
我爱怜的抚摸二宝头上新剪的利落毛发，“不要，我舍不得它。”
我感觉他牙快崩碎了，梗着脖子死盯前方，我耐心静候佳音，二宝吭哧吭哧喘气，探出小爪子挠玻璃，眼神幽亮无辜，仿佛在说：爷，要我吧，我很乖的！
过了大概几分钟，某人终于妥协，他示意我开后门坐后面，上车前我留意到前座上放了个心形的粉色靠垫。
匡恒紧紧抠着方向盘，一边开车一边严正警告：“既然你硬要带狗，别怪我丑话说在前头，你把它牵住了，如果出什么事儿，我不会手下留情。”
闻言我低头，一脸认真的对二宝说：“听清楚了没有，不管出什么事儿，你都要管严实自己这口牙，顺便爪下留情！”
立竿见影的车身晃了晃，轮胎蹭得路面吱嘎响，我倾向前拍拍他的肩，“同志，淡定，淡定。”
“余雅雅！”冰山爆青筋了。
我识相的鸣金收兵，抱着二宝舒服的窝在位子上，不一会儿二宝就呼噜呼噜的睡着了，狗体欠安，它需要静养。
“……它，真的病了？”二宝的状况冰山都看出来。
我可怜兮兮的吸吸鼻子，“好像感冒了。”
“狗也会感冒？！”
我气愤他歧视二宝，张嘴嚷嚷：“狗还会打嗝放屁，你会的它样样都会。”
“……”
就在我以为成功将他收服之际，他冷不防说：“我不咬人。”
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