第四十九章 睡一张床
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“老大,你倒是说话啊!你盯着我干什么?难道,难道我的身上有什么问题吗?我被那鬼给睡了,我是不是会死啊老大?”
被我盯的有儿不明所以,武顺越想越害怕,说到最后之时,声音里面已经带了儿哭腔。龙腾小说ltxsba.com
而我这时却问出了一个让武顺有儿哭笑不得的问题。
我说;“顺子,你老实告诉我,你是不是处男?你有没有和女的那啥过?”
正常情况之下,男的都喜欢装逼,尤其是在男女之事上,很多人分明连女孩子的手都没有摸过,却总是喜欢装出一副经验很老道的样子。
至于这经验是那里来的,其实大家都很清楚,都是老师教的,而这老师呢就有很多了,而且大部分还都是来自日本的外教。
比方说那位赫赫有名的苍老师,已经故去的饭岛老师,还有什么武腾老师,小泽老师,松岛老师等等。
武顺这货就是一个这样的人,他经常跟我吹说他在这方面很有经验,而且还说他曾经一个晚上和几个女的大战了八百回合云云。
但我认为他就是在吹牛逼!今天我正好借这个机会来戳穿他!
本来武顺以为他的身上出了什么问题,结果我却问起了他有没有和女的那啥过,这就让武顺就有儿跟不上我的节奏了。
不过他还是在那里一如既往的装着逼,牛逼哄哄的说道;“老大我不是给你说过很多次了吗?早在几年前我就不是处男了!在秦楚楚没有转到咱们学校以前我可是有好几个女朋友呢!”
闻言后我长叹了一口气,故意皱着眉头道;“如果你不是处男那今天晚上就有儿麻烦了!我这边还好,因为我是处男,但你嘛!”
说到这里,我故意把声音拉的很长,如果武顺是处男他就会比较淡定,如果他不是,那恐怕他立马就会跳起来。
果然,武顺很淡定的问着我道;“如果我不是处男那我会怎样?”
我郑重其事的说道;“黑狗血能够辟邪驱鬼,其实人的血也可以,尤其是人的舌尖血,辟邪的效果比黑狗血还要好的多!如果是处男的舌尖血,那简直就是辟邪驱鬼的利器!”
顿了一顿之后,我刻意强调着道;“就算是再凶的厉鬼,只要被处男的舌尖血给喷到了,那也会受到很大的伤害!甚至被喷的魂飞魄散都不无可能!”
“照你所说咱这屋里的鬼应该是一个至少死了好几年的鬼,恐怕就算是我们能找到公鸡血和黑狗血对他来说也没多大的用处,只有处男的舌尖血,才能克制的了!”
“只可惜你已经不是处男了,如果你是处男的话,你根本就不用害怕那个鬼!”
听我把话说完,武顺这货长出了一口气,说还好我是处男,不然的话这次就糟了!
我说你不是有过好几个女朋友吗?你不是经验很丰富吗?你怎么又成处男了?
武顺被我问的满脸通红,就好像做了错事的小朋友一样,低着头嘟囔着说这事儿那能随便让人知道?都十八岁了还是处男,这多丢人啊!
这会儿我实在是憋不住了,就哈哈大笑了起来!
武顺这下反应了过来,说老大你这是在诈我?
我一边笑着,一边就给他做了一个解释。
其实我说的并没有错,人的舌尖血确实是辟邪驱鬼的利器,而且处男的舌尖血确实效果要好一,不过并没有我说的那么夸张,好像不是处男的舌尖血就没用了一样。
只要是我和武顺这样的年轻小伙子,无论是不是处男,用舌尖血来对付邪祟之物都很管用的。
听我解释完之后,武顺这才算是放下了心来,不过他还是担心一,那就是没有牛眼泪他看不见鬼,他总不能用舌尖血到处乱喷吧?
恐怕到时候鬼没被喷着,反而把他的血全给喷完了!
我告诉他让他放心,我说我不用牛眼泪都能看见鬼,晚上我们俩就睡一张床,到时候那鬼只要敢来,我朝着那里喷舌尖血他就跟着我一起喷就行了!
我这么一说武顺就彻底放心了,不过这货刚好了伤疤就忘了疼,他马上就一脸贱样的问着我,说我找了一个这么正大光明的理由跟他睡同一张床,我不会是真的对他有意思吧?
这下把我给气坏了,我说那好,那既然这样那晚上你还是自己一个人睡吧!
就算是被那个鬼把你给那啥了,我也绝不会管!
如果那个鬼是个女鬼,那过了今天晚上你就不是处男了!
如果那个鬼是个男鬼.......
说到这里我一脸坏坏的邪邪的笑容,而武顺已经被吓的脸都白了。
这要是被一个女鬼给那啥了,那勉强还能说的过去,那什么聊斋志异上面不是有很多人和女鬼那啥过吗?
可这要是被一个男鬼给那啥了,那就创下了吉尼斯世界记录,成了前无古人后无来者,上下五千年,古今中外从来都没有过的牛逼人物了!
和鬼搞基,这绝对是能上头条的新闻!
“老大,你可别啊!你千万可别啊!我向你保证,我以后再也不胡说八道了好吗?就算是秦楚楚,我也容许你跟我公平竞争好吗?”
最终在武顺这货跟我签订了无数个不平等条约,比方说什么以后洗衣服扫地打扫房间的事儿都归他干,买菜做饭喂养蛋蛋的事儿也归他干之类的条约后,我才算是很勉强的答应晚上和他睡一起。
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