第七十三章 如雪的智慧
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“是不是很惊奇呢?”如雪笑了,一如既往的美,语气却很轻松,仿佛那些痛苦根本不是发生她身上,她握着我的手,不让我说话,而是自顾自的继续说到:“承一,其实我们从某些方面很像,知道自己会情根深陷,所以,在很多情况下,生硬甚至冰冷,抗拒别人的靠近,我比你更甚。我忽然发现好想对你说很多话,就比如小时候经历的父母离别的痛,我比如月内向,她想开了,活泼开心的活着,我却闷在了心里,一直就成长到了现在。我发现我说话好乱,可是你能听懂,是吗?”
“我能听懂。”我反握住如雪的手,紧紧的,我怎么不能理解,从悲伤不解到习惯,从习惯到麻木,最后再从麻木到抗拒,我在一次次的漂泊中不就是如此吗?
“是啊,你能听懂,我们总是有着太多的默契,可是我们都错了,错在我们也看不透爱情,总是刻意的让爱情停留在最美的样子,就如我吧,一直都维持着这样的形象,清清淡淡,让你心动的如雪,但事实上呢,你心中的如雪,可有过几夜不睡疯婆子的样子?你心中的如雪可有过竭斯底里独自到偏僻的地方大喊大叫甚至发疯的样子?更别提靠近生活以后,我们的爱情就从天上落到了凡尘里,那是爱情还是最美的样子吗?其实,我们爱对方,但真的不见得了解对方,有默契不见得是了解的。”如雪望着我,竟然是笑着说到。
“如雪,你别说,你知道你无论什么样子,我都是”我急切的说到。
“不,承一,就如最厉害的命卜二脉,也算不尽一生琐碎,就如最厉害的相字脉也看不透风水百年后会怎样的变迁,你怎么能说你看死了你自己的爱情?那才是真正需要时间的沉淀,日日夜夜碰碰撞撞的相处吧,那么这样之后,你还能说,我爱你,一如初见吗?承一,我很谢谢你,让我的爱情停留在了最美的样子,那还有什么遗憾呢?”如雪望着我说到。
“你是在告诉我答案吗?你是在说你以后不会再见我,你不出来了吗?到底是怎么样?你告诉我,好不好?”我无力了,我以为老张的话,我领悟的很深,但终究敌不过此刻的心痛,抓着如雪的手,贴在脸上,眼眶红了。
“我是在告诉你答案啊,曾经我为蛊女,最渴望的不过是自由,就如我的姑婆那样渴望,因为她只有有了自由,才能够和姜爷厮守,哪怕得到自由的时候,婚嫁已经不再重要。我也悄悄问过姑婆,那为什么不去争取自由?姑婆告诉我,自由和自私两个词看似不相干,但很有可能,一念之间,就让它们融合在一起,因为这两个词,前面都是自字,强调的是自我,那就是以自我的心为中心的词!后来,姑婆常说的话,就是那一句,人总是要有着责任的,谁也不能孤立于这个世界,就像姜爷也常和你说的一句话,人是要有点底线的,是一样的。我们的爱情再美,它敌不过的事情太多,就如承一你,数着你最重要的人,就有你的父母,你忍心见着他们担心着你,直到闭眼的那一刻吗?你能吗?你觉得你守望着和我的爱情,你父母就算不介意后代的事情,但想着唯一的儿子就这么冷冷清清的过一生,甚至孤独终老,他们会走的安心吗?而我,离开寨子不顾一切的和你在一起,就算寨子里的人不指责我,我又能安心吗?我不负你,我负了寨子,你不负我,你就负了父母,我们陷入人生的选择题,已经纠缠了太久,如今不是很好吗?命运帮我们做出了答案。”如雪一字一句的对我说到。
“是啊,命运帮我们做出了答案,可是在以后的以后,如果我有了自己的家,甚至自己的孩子,想着这个你不心疼吗?我自己想着会心疼的,真的,会心疼的。”我眼眶红着,很认真的说到。
“我一点儿也不怀疑你此刻说这句话的真心,但就如老张说的,那时候的心疼已经抵不过那时候现实的琐事,交给时间,一切也就淡了。而老张没说出来的另外一句话是,那时候的心疼已经抵不过那时候的责任,父母的,孩子的,妻子的都说童子命感情不顺,你的不顺应在了我的身上,可是我终究是女人,却很感谢这个不顺,让我的爱情停留在了最美的时候,到最后,你依然爱着我,到以后,你的心里也真的会为我保留一个位置,就像老张,听他那样说,会想起他那个喜欢的女人,我就已经满足了,那一刻我就彻底释然了!是不是,我也还是有女人的自私和心机呢?”如雪用手指在我胸口轻轻的绕着。
在此刻,如果说我还不清楚如雪的意思,那么我就真的是傻瓜了,事情是真的不可挽回了,如雪没说以后不再见我,可是她已经在说另外一句话——从今夜以后,那就是彻底的放下,我明白如雪的心意已决。
“不自私,很好的,也谢谢你那么爱过我。”我声音哽咽,可是我没有流泪。
放下,也是一种智慧,如雪比我更有这个智慧,是的,她很好。
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