1083 失怙余孽
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他父亲转任荆江，在任上自然也多收揽力用，这一部分人才不会为乡情渗透。
转眼又过一天，突然家中有人来传信，言是太傅召他归家相见。王允之本来不疑有他，正待要整装归家，那家人突然又说了一句：“四郎若是庶务繁忙，倒也不必急归。”
王允之若有所思的返回内室换衣，突然神色一凝，继而额头上便有冷汗涌现出来。就连诸葛恢都能一眼看破他的劣迹，近在乡中的太傅即便缠绵病榻，又怎么可能不知道！
那家人的阴晦提醒，王允之倒也并不感到意外，太傅老病垂危，王氏亲长已经渐无所存，在家人们看来，王允之最起码在庶务上能力是要超过一众少进族人，已经跟王家家业存续休戚相关，心里自然难免有所偏向。
太傅召他，难道只是简单训斥几句？而摆在他面前的问题是，回还是不回？
最终，王允之还是咬牙披上了氅衣，神色如常的行出登上车驾。最起码到目前为止，王导只需要一句话便能够完全抹杀他此前所有的努力与筹措！
王氏大宅一切如常，王导所居暖阁药香浓郁，家人出入其间，看起来与寻常并无两样。可是在王允之看来，他一旦踏入，可就是真的要生死两论了。
“深猷来了？入席吧。”
王导怀拥衾被侧卧榻上，脸色是一种病态的潮红，眼神也有些混浊不清，待到王允之于近畔落座，才又斟酌问道：“我听说深猷你近来多徜徉于外，不知在忙些什么？”
王允之垂首无语，过了好一会儿才抬起头来，眼眶已是湿红，泪水更是滚滚落下，悲声泣道：“太傅你深卧病榻，尚要为不肖子弟劳心……我、我真是不知，若有一日太傅祥归，满庭生口该要如何依存？世道冰洁，凛冬酷寒，顷刻雪崩祸世，到时又有何人能为家人遮蔽风雪，使我庭门久存……”
“你、你……”
王导本就精力欠佳，即便召见王允之也是强打起精神，眼见王允之答非所问，且音容悲戚至极，一时间难免恍惚，又过了好一会儿，他才沙哑着声音说道：“贤声久传，非止一世，我家、我家……不至于啊，深猷！”
“太傅荣养庭中，难免怯言祸事。诸夏害于胡乱，蛮夷压倒正声，大臣自戕任上，这都是莫测之祸患啊！”
王允之讲到这里，语调更显悲怆：“我这个失怙余孽，若不厉望人间，实在不知该要如何自安……”
“处明啊……”
王导闻言后，脸色略显惨白，稍作默然而后涩声道：“当年我不救你父，深猷你该是久来对我怀怨深重吧？”
“父命岂敢无念，但长久自伤，纵然有什么怨念又岂能久执不放。旧年为恶，埋祸及后，若我久不释怀，三兄也要长笑望我。”
王允之又低头说道，满脸的无奈与自伤。
王导听到这里，脸色更加惨淡，王允之所言三兄便是大将军王敦的嗣子王应，早年事败与其亲父王含投奔荆州，被王舒沉杀江底。王允之这么说，就等于是在承认他父亲的死是报应。
王允之低头抹泪之际，眼角余光瞥向榻上的王导，见王导已经闭上了眼，鼻息渐趋沉重，似乎已经入眠，但他仍然不敢轻动，只是恭坐在席，默然啜泣。
又过了好一会儿，一直侍立在榻侧的老家人才上前一步，凑到王允之耳边低声道：“太傅已经睡下，四郎且先退出吧。”
听到这话，王允之才从席上站起来，悄无声息的步出暖阁，垂首行出好一段距离，然后才长长的吐出一口浊气，一阵冷风吹来，吹得他蓦地打了一个寒战，遍体汗水渐渐风干。
“太傅，四郎已经走了。”
目送王允之离开暖阁后，老家人才又缓步行入进来，恭声对王导说道。
王导缓缓睁开眼，眸中充满了茫然和疲惫，望着阁内某一处出神良久，才叹息道：“散了吧，由之由之……长幼愧对，家声衰败，此等门户，还有什么可夸……”
他终究是老了，已经很难再说出“不可复使羌人东行”这种话了。
半梦半醒间，王导拉住那老家人的手，似梦呓般吩咐道：“信告阿奴，老父安泰，不必念家反顾，国事为先……并告逸少、修龄，安守所任……”
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