第九章 血与水 （四）
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“我要见她一面，告诉她我不是那种言而无信之辈。我没有辜负他们常家，我只要活着就肯定会回来！”
“我要见她一面，告诉她如果万一我回不来，她就不必再等！”
“我哪有资格让她等？我只是跟她道个别而已！”
“我得见她，告诉她我一直挂念着她，从山中第一次见到她那天开始！”
“我，我何必告诉她这些。万一真的回不来，岂不耽误了她！”
“我干脆见她一次，随便说几句话就走。”
“我，什么都不用说，远远地看上她一眼便好！”
“看上一眼便好！”
……
一路上，千百种念头，反复在少年人心里纠缠，剪不断，理还乱。
有些话，心中明白就好，却是没有必要说的，说了，反而显得生分。
有些话，却是不能说。
自打去年从昏迷中醒来，宁子明几乎每一天，都在努力让自己活下去，努力挣扎求生。然而现在，他却想的不只是活着。
他开始去想另外一个人，想如何让另一个人活得更好，更开心。哪怕那个人，今后心里头再也没有自己半点儿影子。
这种想法，有时候令他显得形神萧索，有时候，却令他整个人显得魁伟异常。他知道了思念的滋味，他知道了什么叫做患得患失，他同时也知道了，自己身为一个男儿，应该担当一些什么，而不是像当初刚醒来时那样懵懵懂懂，随波逐流。
“也许，不见更好！”当马蹄接近城门的刹那，他忽然心中有了一丝明悟。果断带住了坐骑，掉头便走。
不见，常婉莹知道自己“逃走”的消息，会失望，会生气，却不会痛苦一生。
而自己见了一面之后，却从此渺无音讯，恐怕会耽误她整整一辈子。
那便不见也罢！
如果不能保证未来，又何必不现在就放手！
不管周围怪异的目光，宁子明笑了笑，努力在马背上将身体挺了个笔直。逆着入城的人流，缓缓往外挪动，挪动。
人潮由拥挤渐渐变为宽松。
周围的声音由喧嚣变为宁静。
一道暗金色的阳光，从云彩缝隙里照下来，照亮少年人的身影，还有背后那座巍峨的城池。
有股薄薄的雾气，逆着日光缓缓而上，渐渐将少年人和城池隔离开来。渐渐让城池和人的轮廓都变得模糊。
有股莫名的滋味，渐行渐远。
渐远渐生。
注1：定州，现在保定一带。后汉时，过了此地，便是辽国。
酒徒注：此段，适合听卢冠廷的《一生所爱》
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