第三十四章 姊妹花
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“对了，”慈禧抓住了这个话头，开始契入正事，“关卓凡，你说电报这个东西，究竟是怎么一个道理呢？比方上海到苏州，两百里地，为什么铜线一架，就可以转瞬即至？”
这可怎么解释？不要说慈禧不明白，就是关卓凡自己，也是知其然而不知其所以然，慈禧问他，庶几等于是问道于盲了。
但若是答不上来，“洋务专家”的形象，岂非要大打折扣？想来想去，急中生智之下，居然给他想到了一个说法。
“这就好比是悬丝诊脉，尺寸关三脉上的动静，能从丝线上传过来。”关卓凡自作聪明地说道，“电报也是一样，这头有点什么动静，那一头就听见了，因此等于转瞬即至。”
这个解释明了易懂，两位太后都很满意。
“悬丝诊脉，那得是名医才行。”慈安太后说道，“听电报的，也得是专门的人才吧？”
“是，太后圣明，培养一个电报员，殊为不易。”
由此开始谈起电报的种种，等说到收费的时候，关卓凡报出来是每一个字，要收三两银子。慈禧和慈安，还没觉得怎样，旁边的一名太监，本来已经听入了神，现在听说要三两银子才能传一个字，惊讶地“啊”了一声。
这一声出口，立时惊觉，知道自己闯祸了。果然，慈禧的目光立刻转为严厉，扫了过来，那名太监吓得脸色刷白，站也不是，跪也不是，连手都抖了起来。
关卓凡见他这样，倒觉于心不忍，抢在慈禧发作以前，先开了口。
“正因为电报昂贵，所以发报的时候，大家都格外斟酌字数，”关卓凡笑道，“香港有一个‘报馆’，专门印新闻纸的，为了惜字如金的缘故，还闹出过一桩笑话。”
慈禧太后的注意力，果然被他引了回来，好奇地问：“新闻纸，又是什么？”
“就是把每天的新鲜事，印在一张大纸上，拿到街上去卖。买到的人，不论喝茶吃饭的时候，都可以用来打发时间。”
“那倒是跟看古记儿差不多了，”慈禧和慈安都是恍然大悟，“不过香港那个小地方，哪有那许多新鲜事呢？”
“也不尽是香港本地的事，”关卓凡解释道，“报馆都有‘新闻员’，派在各地，把搜集来的消息，拿电报发给报馆——”
他说的这件事，是一家“成记”报馆。有一回，南洋的渔民，抓到了一只特大的海龟，身长达七尺之多，一时轰动。当时各家报馆，都在南洋派有记者，纷纷把消息发了回来。第二天报纸出街，别人家印的，都是“抓到一只玳瑁”，也就是海龟的意思，偏偏成记报馆印出来，是“抓到一只乌龟”。
“那闹笑话了，”慈禧太后失声笑道，“这可不是一回事儿。”
“太后说得极是。”关卓凡笑着说，“成记报馆的主编，自然大怒，亲自跑到电报局去，发一条电报，责问自家的那个新闻员。因为要省字数，所以一共只写了十个字，一时在香港传为笑谈。”
“哦？他是怎么写的呢？”
“人皆玳瑁，我独乌龟，何也？！”
慈安太后先没忍住，噗嗤一口茶喷在案子上，慈禧也是把腰弯下去，笑得喘不过气来。四围的人，只有醇王敢于哈哈大笑，其他的太监宫女，还有那十二个坐着的侍卫，一齐憋红了脸，倾尽全力不让自己笑出声来，奇形怪状的样子，滑稽极了，两宫太后看见，愈发止不住笑意。只有小皇帝和敦柔格格，不知道这些人，到底是怎么了，让这个关卓凡一句话都逗成这样。
“哎哟，肚子都笑疼了！”慈安太后一边擦拭着笑出来的眼泪，一边由宫女替她在身上揉着，“好久没有这么痛痛快快地笑上一场了。”
关卓凡看着笑得花枝乱颤的慈安，心里一动：一直惊艳于“懿贵妃”的丽色，现在才觉得，原来这位二十五岁的东宫太后，生得可也挺俊啊。
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