第九十三章 天晓得
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江山社稷，万斤重担。若只有自己一人，如何挑得起来？
到时候。自己要么“撤帘”，要么，在黄幔之后做牵线木偶。
再往前想，若没有了“她”
辛酉年，自己一人，如何斗得过肃顺那班顾命大臣？孤儿寡妇，必定是被他们摆弄于鼓掌之上的！时间长了，以肃顺那个脾性，谁能保证，他不会起什么悖逆的心思？
蔡寿祺弹劾恭王，恭王不但没有一丝惭悔戒惧之意，反而恼羞成怒，竟御前咆哮，要严办蔡寿祺这副形容，较之肃顺，又好到哪里去了？如果没有“她”，自己又能拿恭王怎么样呢？
嗯，还有“他”。
对付肃顺也好，对付恭王也罢，若没有“他”，又会如何？
也不说目下的国政，里里外外，哪一处少得了“他”？
还有……轩军。
处置不当，激起兵变，那个沸反盈天的局面，谁有本事收拾？
国家才安定下来几天？可不敢……在自己手上给弄乱了！
不然，自己不成了大清的罪人？百年之后，怎么好去见列祖列宗的面？
还有，“她”固然对不起先帝，不过，就算……呃，生下个孩子，也不能就说“混乱皇祀”今上的妃嫔出轨、生子，才叫“混乱皇祀”，先帝崩逝，已五、六年了，“她”目下生子，和“皇祀”，呃，扯不上任何关系的呀。
人家说，臭汉、脏唐、宋埋汰、元烂污、明邋遢、清鼻涕，这个，呃，不过就是一顶绿帽子，也没什么……太大不了的吧？先帝，呃，也能够体谅的……
慈安拼命给自己找理由，已经有些“慌不择路”了。
不过，最重要的那部分，她终于想清楚了：“东边儿”、“西边儿”，本是一体，一荣俱荣，一损俱损“她”可以单打独斗，自己可是不成！为了“她”出轨、生子，就想着拿“她”怎样、怎样，这个想头，太笨了！简直就是自个儿同自个儿过不去！
同样的道理，若为了这个事儿，就拿“他”怎样、怎样，一般是愚不可及！
唉，还是那句话，“回来”……就好了。
可是，怎么才能够“回来”呢？
装傻？当不知道这回事儿？
这个……难啊。
慈安晓得，自己不是一个善于作伪的人，她实在没有信心，心里已经扎下了这么大一根刺，自己还可以在“她”和“他”面前，长时间“一如其旧”。
“她”和“他”，都是最聪明、最敏锐的人，时间略长，必然察觉到“东边儿”有异，可是，又不明白状况出在哪里，如此一来，难免要生猜忌之心，久而久之，不出状况也是要出状况的！
再说，这么憋着，自己也实在受不了啊！
更重要的是，即便自己可以装傻，跷跷板那头，“他”和“她”，还是呆在一块儿，“他”，还是没有“回来”呀。
那么，狠狠心，待“他”从天津回来，就跟“他”挑明了，晓之以情，动之以理，叫“他”不要再沉溺下去，斩断和“她”的这段……孽缘？
今后，“他”做“他”的轩亲王，“她”做“她”的圣母皇太后，再没有别的什么藕断丝连，那个孩子，就瞒了身份，留在民间，给个一辈子衣食无忧，不是……很好吗？
慈安又一次苦笑了：自己这么想，算不算异想天开？自己笨嘴拙舌的，能说得动“他”么？如果说不动“他”，这个秘密，却已是捅破了这种事儿，不捅破，日子还可以暂时相安无事地过下去；捅破了，天晓得最后怎么收场？
唉！
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