第四十五章 轩亲王的惨叫
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按照族谱，关卓凡是“卓”字辈，下一代，并非“天”字辈。不过，关卓凡根本没把本时空的“关卓凡”的祖宗当成自己的祖宗，所以，也根本不打算按本时空的“族谱”给自己的孩子起名字。
“还有，”慈禧一面放缓了语速，一面加重了语气，“最紧要的，小官儿……得姓‘关’！”
“啊？哦，这是自然的啊……”
“自然？”慈禧一声冷笑，“最好是‘自然’！不然的话”
顿了一顿，咬着细白的牙齿，声音从牙齿缝中挤了出来，“你如果敢叫小官儿没名没分、不明不白的……关卓凡，看我能饶得了你！”
“臣不敢……不敢！”
“不敢？”
顿了顿，“哼”了一声，“好吧，那你来说说，你打算，拿小官儿怎么办啊？”
“呃……‘怎么办’？”
“他姓关，名字从‘日’，是‘天’字辈儿的这样一个儿子，你怎么跟外头交代？他的娘亲，是哪一个啊？”
“呃……呃……”
关卓凡额上的汗，又出来了。
老子今天，“呃”了多少个“呃”了？
“你过来。”
慈禧的声音，十分平静。
过来？什么意思？
“没听见？”
“是，是！”
关卓凡站起身来，走上一步。
“再过来点儿。”
关卓凡又走前了一步。
您这是……要干什么呀？
慈禧伸出左手，捏住了关卓凡的右手，轻轻一笑。
关卓凡一震。
接着，慈禧的右手，也伸了过来，盖在了关卓凡的手上。
关卓凡的心，怦怦的跳了起来，姐姐，您该不会？……
咳咳，我可只有一只手啊……
当然不会。
慈禧掐住了关卓凡的手背，下死劲儿，一拧。
出其不意，关卓凡一声惨叫，但他立即忍住了，手却不敢往回夺，“太后手下留情，这个，疼，疼！……”
“奇了怪了”慈禧咬着牙，“你这个没心没肺、没脸没皮的……也会晓得疼？”
“哎哟，哎哟，真的疼啊……”
“我就知道，你原没把小官儿放在心上！这些事儿，难道不是之前就该都打算好了吗？现在才跟我来‘呃呃’！你……你是在打嗝呢？”
“臣该死，臣该死！不过，还是请太后……先放开手，好不好？实在是……疼啊！”
“我这儿……”慈禧一边儿咬牙切齿，一边儿红了眼圈儿，“你是不是……快活过了，提上裤子，我们娘儿俩，就不管不顾了？”
“啊？怎么会？臣……不敢，万万不敢！哎哟，哎哟，臣可就剩这一只手了，太后……千万手下留情啊！这留下了幌子，人前人后，臣也……不好交代啊！”
“交代，交代……你倒是先想一想，怎么跟我和小官儿交代！”
“是，是！臣正拼了命的想呢！可是，太后这么掐着……哎哟，臣……臣的脑子，不好使啊！”
“哼！”
慈禧最后加了一把力。
“哎哟”
关卓凡实在忍不住，又低低的惨叫了一声。
圣母皇太后终于放开了手。
关卓凡倒吸一口冷气，下意识的后退了两步，偷觑了自己的手背一眼我靠，淤紫了好一块儿！
看着关卓凡龇牙咧嘴的模样，慈禧心中浮起一股莫名的快感，笑容又回到了脸上。
“怎么？果然痛的厉害么？咱们的轩亲王，不像这般没用呀？过来，让我瞅一瞅总不会出血了吧？”
关卓凡哪里肯再过来？连忙说道：“没什么紧要的，再不敢叫太后费心了！”
慈禧嫣然一笑，说道：“那得看你‘交代’的怎么样了不如意的话，我还是得‘费心’的。”
笑容如花之绽，关卓凡看在眼中，心中先是一漾，继之一紧。
“是，是！”他依旧微微的咧着嘴，轻轻的抽着冷气，“臣殚精竭虑，一定给太后一个‘如意’的‘交代’！不过，呃，这个，总要请太后宽限些日子，待臣筹划出万全之计了，再向太后细细回禀。”
“哼……也罢了。”
顿了顿，慈禧收起了脸上的笑容，“不过，你可听清楚了，我不是在讲笑我绝不许小官儿没名没分、不清不楚的过一辈子！他一般的要封公封王，一般的要出将入相！一般的……要做人上之人！他不许……不许比不过他的两个哥哥！关卓凡，你听清楚了没有？”
“呃……是，是！臣……谨遵懿旨，谨遵懿旨！”
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