番外:降魔四
最新网址:m.ltxsdz.com
“你知不知道,当年我为什么被称为齐天大圣?”
悟空指着他鼻子问道,陈玄奘摇了摇头。
“不知道你还敢随便乱说?当年我在花果山自由自在,分外逍遥。后来天庭派人下来,说我是小产权,花果山要拆迁,建一处新的神仙洞府,连拆迁补偿都没有,还派了李靖的强拆大队来……我能忍吗?”
“不能啊!”
“于是我邀便五湖四海的朋友,还有一众拆迁户,在花果山抗击强拆,抗击了七天七夜,多少天庭神仙过来都被我打败了!所以道上的兄弟才尊我一声——齐天大圣!”
“后来天庭无耻啊!他见我不屈不挠,就去请灵山第一高级法院的如来佛祖过来调解,我当时傻乎乎的信了。如来佛祖跟我说,你签了吧!我给你一套灵山地产的安置房先住着,还有一系列补偿。”
“后来我就签了。补偿到了这套号称三千亩果园四时不断,临海千里沙滩尊贵独享。崭新黄金海岸,展望长安繁盛气象。三十万原始森林天然氧吧,五千平方公里居住面积自由自在的五指山豪华洞府。”
“后来我才知道,原来天庭强拆花果山,就是把地皮卖给了灵山地产开发集团。”
“现在开发商承诺的配套设施呢?我的私人海滩呢?我的五千亩果园呢?我的五千平方公里居住面积……哦!这个倒是落实了!但都他么是鸟不拉屎的地方啊!还有这个豪华洞府。”悟空摊开手示意那徒有四壁的洞窟,质问道:“就是这种破地方。”
“孙先生……”陈玄奘不知该说些什么好。
“我帮你把猪妖收服之后,不用别的,你就把那些承诺过的配套设施给落实了吧!”悟空摆手道。
“孙先生这个我办不到……”陈玄奘为难道。
“那你去找能办到的,去找如来佛祖去……好歹你也是灵山体制内的,帮我申诉一下总可以吧!先把海景弄出来,把大海淹到五指山,当年若不是说是套海景洞府,我傲来国住惯的会搬到这里来?”悟空指着五指山道。
“孙先生,你这里是大唐腹地啊!要海景,需要淹没大半个南瞻部洲,会死很多人的!”
“我不管,要么把花果山给我还回来!”悟空翘着二郎腿道。
“孙先生你这样让我很为难。”陈玄奘连降服猪妖的办法都不想问了——我要找的到如来佛祖,我还这里问你?
“你要找如来佛祖也简单,一你可以问降服猪妖的办法,二呢!顺便帮我催一催五指山的配套设施问题。”悟空回答道:“当年佛祖找我调解的时候,给了我一张名片,上面有它的联系方式……”
“那孙先生为什么不自己去催呢?”陈玄奘反问道。
悟空叹息一声:“都是迦叶尊者接听,佛祖不是在法会,就是在法会的路上……你是体制内的,或许能问道吧!”
陈玄奘双手合十道:“那就把佛祖的联系方式给我吧!”
悟空质疑道:“你可不能忘了!”
“我绝对不会忘得,孙先生。”
“说的好像你没忘过一样。”悟空嘟囔道,他往六字大光明咒石碑那里一指:“那就是佛祖的名片了。你拿到上面,对着月光,念出那六个字,等到月光旁边的乌云散去,就说明有人接了你的呼叫,就能联系到佛祖了。”
陈玄奘仔细端详了半天,忽然道:“孙先生,这个是不是佛祖镇压你的封印啊?”
悟空脸色变幻莫测,龇牙咧嘴道:“叫你拿去,你就拿去,你不肯拿去,还无缘无故怀疑我,我好心指点你,你居然怀疑我。你既然怀疑我,就不要过来求我指点你啊!这名片又不是什么大不了的东西,我以前嫌弃上面的字太丑,还重新刻了一遍呢。”
“你既然怀疑我,那你就把上面的咒语背下来,不用拿着石碑就好了。反正这就是一张名片,记住号码…咒语也能用。咒语总不会是我骗你的吧!”
陈玄奘还是怀疑道:“会不会我一念那个咒语,封印就失效了呢?”
“六字大光明咒流传很广的!”悟空摇头道:“你也是佛家弟子,不会认不出来吧!”
“但是不排除……”陈玄奘还想解释。
悟空打断他道:“够了!你怎么就唧唧歪歪个没完没了了还!如果佛祖想要封印我,怎么会设置一个随随便便就能被解开的封印,他这是在耍我还是在耍你呢?我知道我是个人才,但人才和用人单位之间,是要双向选择的对不对。”
“总不能你叫我去取经,我就去取经。”
“你说什么,孙先生。”陈玄奘疑惑道。
“我说什么你不用在意!快上去解开封印……啊不!是联系佛祖,刚刚口误了!你去联系佛祖,询问解决猪妖的办法,顺便帮我落实一下拆迁补偿的问题就好。”
“你刚刚说解开封印了!”陈玄奘认真道
“我不是!我没有!别瞎说!”悟空摇头。
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