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番外:降魔二十二

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五指山下,夕阳正好,悟空捞了一个榴莲,懒洋洋的钻出洞窟,在洞口那块石头上坐下,靠着那株莲花,把榴莲摆在前面,然后嘿的一声,用手劈开了榴莲,然后一边摸榴莲吃,一边眯缝着眼睛晒太阳。最新地址ltxsba.info

一身猴毛因为太久没有打理,已经打结了。

悟空随手寻摸着,它的毛爪子仿佛恢复了花果山时的本事,灵敏的很,在身上捋一下,就捉到个虱子,用手捏死了,摊在右手上受着,一边抓还一边数道:“一、二、三……十”

现在它不像齐天大圣,而像乡间不知名的野猴。

“呦!齐天大圣还给自己捉虱子呢?”虎形拳不知什么时候摸到了悟空跟前,讥笑道。

玄奘来到了五指山,仿佛什么也没有改变,但事实上,他造成的影响早已经不知不觉中发酵了。原先没有人能找到孙悟空,所以这个妖魔之王的名号,没有给驱魔人的世界带来什么,但现在,妖魔之王孙悟空现世的消息,不知惊动了多少驱魔人。

“这只野猴子就是齐天大圣?”一个黑粗大汉粗声粗气的,在悟空面前看了半天,冷笑道:“他还能杀得了天残脚?虎形拳,你不是在骗我们兄弟吧!”

另一个白面书生也凝神端详了一会,咂舌道:“不像,不像!一点霸气也没有……杀了它,谁会相信啊?”

“俺找人问过了,这里就是五指山,它也就是孙悟空。别看它现在没精打采的,杀天残脚的时候,那叫个威风!”虎形拳急忙解释道:“杀了他,我们就是第一驱魔人。别客气啊!”

“喂!”黑粗大汉不客气道:“你就是孙悟空?”

悟空懒洋洋的,翻了身道:“不才,在下就是齐天大圣——孙悟空!”

“你这样子,说是乡下来的野猴子也有人信,说是妖魔之王孙悟空,谁信啊?”黑粗大汉不耐烦的回头道:“要不要给它梳洗打扮一下,免得别人说我们随随便便抓了一只猴子就说是妖魔之王,遭天下人耻笑啊!”

悟空无奈的指了指周围:“别说齐天大圣了。你叫如来佛祖在这里住上五百年,也是一个印度阿三啦!做人不能光看表面……”

“这样吧!”虎形拳忽然从旁边抖落出一席披挂来,那金灿灿的黄金锁子甲,并长安新品藕丝步云靴,还有两只高高翘起的野鸡翎的紫金冠,正是流传已久的,齐天大圣那副披挂。

虎形拳道:“还好我早有准备,你就穿上这身来和我们打吧!”

悟空回头撇了一眼,忽然上手摸了摸那料子,瘪瘪嘴道:“这锁子黄金甲,黄金重量不对不说,编织打造的也很粗糙,一看就知道是乡下铁匠的作品,鎏金都鎏不好,失败!藕丝步云靴造型太丑,居然还是劣质丝绸的料子,你摸摸这经纬松散,这料子一扯就烂了……失败!”

“靠!”

“凤翅紫金冠,凤翅用鸡翎也就算了,上面的鸡屎还在呢!”悟空指着翎羽上面可以的黄褐色斑点凑到虎形拳眼前道:“紫金呢?你拿紫铜是想骗谁呢?”

虎形拳羞愧的低下头去,悟空指着他鼻子鄙视道:“俺老孙的原版,那是凑齐了四海龙王的宝贝,四海龙王富可敌国,才拿得出来那一套。你拿这长安仿的劣质盗版货骗谁呢?这黄金甲暴发户一般的贼光刺眼,野鸡冠翎居然还歪了,藕丝步云履一穿就破。比起来,俺这幅打扮都称得上是质朴低调有内涵!”

“还有这金箍棒!”悟空顺手就抢过虎形拳提着的金箍棒,摔到地上,指着它道:“你叫它一声,它敢答应吗?”

“破铁做的一个死玩意儿!你骗的了谁呢?”悟空质问道。

来的三位驱魔人都羞愧的地下了头,悟空感慨道:“你们的诚意呢?来到俺这里,先是一通鄙视,俺老孙抓虱子怎么了?俺老孙就不能有点爱好吗?猴子抓虱子不正常吗?我虽然是一个齐天大圣,但我从来不以为自己很特殊,我从群众中来,到群众中去。”

“我抓虱子那叫——和光同尘,深入群众!”

“太上老君,老子大德,厉不厉害?三清之尊,圣人降世,我为他老人家抓虱子的时候,你们爷爷的爷爷还在娘胎里呢!”

“我在这里那么低调有内涵,轮得到你们来鄙视我吗?”悟空指着自己,凑到三人眼前:“拿着这些破玩意给谁看呢?是的,我的毛是打结了!我的身上也是在掉渣子,浑身是土对吧!但齐天大圣它浑身是土,跟你们能一样吗?”

“那叫范儿!”悟空对自己竖了一个大拇指道。

一席话,说的三个驱魔人都快跪下来了。三人表情僵硬,面孔呆滞,排成一排,跪坐在悟空跟前。悟空问道:“你们给太上老君,老子抓过虱子吗?”

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