第一章 坑爹的认祖归宗
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长孙老妈是国文教授，自然知道长孙姓氏的宗祠在哪里！
“就你？你从小在孤儿院长大，哪来的宗祠啊，真是笑话！”长孙老妈优雅地端着茶杯，袅袅的热气带着浓浓地茶香。
“不是有人说，王侯将相，宁有种乎！我长孙无忌凭什么就不能是历史牛人长孙无忌的子孙。”长孙无忌整日在妻子和岳父的熏陶之下，不是没有进步，连“王侯将相，宁有种乎？”都知道了。
长孙老妈讶然，笑着说道：“那按你这么说，姓李的全部是你李世民的后代了？说你文盲，你还不服，我们在华东，长孙姓氏的的宗祠是在陕西，一东一西，八竿子打不着了，你就别硬往人家长孙后人靠啊，也不嫌丢人。”
长孙老爸暴怒，一巴掌拍在桌上，说道：“成龙在香港都能跑到安徽认祖归宗，我怎么就不能去陇西去认祖归宗？哥伦比亚还能绕圈了地球好几圈到了北美洲呢，我们长孙家只不过迁徙了一两千公里，算得了什么。不信，你看！”
长孙老妈见老公难得一次说出这么有深度的话，给个面子，拿起一封类似于请柬的东西，打开来一看，上面写着第四十八代传人长孙无忌，四十九代传人长孙冲。
这下换成长孙老妈惊呆了，问道：“你不会是几块钱买来的呀？还有啊，你们这重了祖宗的名，难道不算忌讳？”
“我闲得蛋疼买这玩意儿，走，收拾一下，我们去认祖归宗!管他重名不重名的，人家国外人命，不是要加上爸爸的名字，爷爷的名字，甚至是不知道多少代祖父的名字，我这只是重名，算不得什么，顶多说成长孙无忌二世，长孙冲二世！”长孙老爸雄赳赳，气昂昂，非常神气，门面功夫还是很有作用的。
三日后，到了陕西长孙宗祠，不仅长孙家的族老出来迎接，甚至当地的市委书记也来了，长孙老妈很吃惊，后来才知道，长孙老爸认祖归宗这一出，是捐了两亿用于长孙宗祠建设仿李唐时期建筑的旅游城。
长孙冲也不得不承认，长孙老爸比他还会败家，两个亿就买了把一家三口的名字写在了长孙家的族谱上。
长孙老妈在拧了长孙老爸耳朵好几圈之后，意识到钱已经要不回来了，为了不名利双失，只好继续进行认祖归宗。
长孙冲进了祠堂，无数的排位像是多米诺骨牌一样，一个挨着一个，整整齐齐地排列着，严阵肃穆。拜完祖宗之后，长孙冲不小心被人挤了一下，撞到了拜访在前面的牌位，只见这些牌位一个接一个倒了。
长孙冲还没弄清楚怎么回事儿呢，倒了无数牌位之后，终于老天有眼，在一个比较花哨一点的牌位面前停住了，原来是长孙冲的牌位。
举头三尺有神明，祖宗都在头上看着他们的，所有长孙后人，纷纷跪在地上，给祖先磕头。
长孙冲虽然是个无神论者，但他爸都老实跪下了，他这个做儿子，难道还能站着，接受他爸爸的跪拜啊！
就在长孙冲跪在地上，虔诚地磕头，心里祈求这些祖先们，保佑他们家平安健康，生意兴隆的时候，从长孙冲的牌位上面涌出一道光芒，笼罩在长孙冲的身上。
众人对祖宗尊重，但看到这样的景象，还以为是拍电影呢，直到长孙冲在光圈的笼罩之下，身影逐渐变得透明，消失不见。
长孙老爸看儿子变得透明，和长孙老妈赶紧去抓儿子，哭喊道：“儿子，儿子······”
众人愕然，原来是真的啊，刚刚站起来的人们，又再次跪下，无比虔诚地磕头。
长孙老爸和长孙老妈接受不了儿子当众变不见的事实，报警搜查，闹得天翻地覆，也没有找到长孙冲。
长孙冲在众人面前，离奇失踪，让很多人费解。长孙老爸，长孙老妈找了无数权威人士，帮忙找寻，大仍然一无所获！
长孙老妈整日以泪洗面，长孙老爸懊悔不已，花了两个亿，认了已经死了一千多年的没见面的祖宗，失去了儿子，真的是太坑爹了！
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