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第三部分(7)

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最新网址:m.ltxsdz.com

在大挑那几天,他不是惟一丧失信心的人。龙腾小说网ltxs520.com我认识一个拉比,来自波兰的一座小城。他上了年纪,曲背驼腰,嘴唇经常颤抖。他总是祈祷,在楼里,在干活时,在队列里。他整页整页地背诵《塔木德经》,没完没了地提问,自问自答,自论自辩。

有一天他对我说:

“完了!上帝离开我们了。”

他好像后悔讲了这样冷漠、这样干涩的话,结结巴巴补充道:“我知道,谁都没有权力说这样的话。我心里清楚,人很渺小,无足轻重,无法理解上帝的奥秘。但像我这样的人能做什么呢?我既不是智者,也不是明察秋毫的法官,更不是圣人,只是血肉和骨头构成的简单生命。我的灵魂和肉体都在遭受地狱之苦。我有眼睛,亲眼目睹了这里发生的事情。上帝的怜悯之心何在?上帝何在?我怎能相信上帝的悲怜之心,谁能相信呢?”

可怜的阿吉巴·杜马,只要他依然坚信上帝,只要他把这场大苦大难看作一场神圣的考验,就不会被大挑席卷而去。但是,信念刚刚出现裂缝,他就失去了全部的战斗勇气,打开了死亡之门。

在大挑时,他注定在劫难逃,他主动把脖子伸给了行刑者。他只求我们:“三天内我就会离去……为我念哀悼祈祷辞吧。”

我们答应了:三天内,只要看见烟囱里冒出黑烟,我们就会想起他。我们会找十个人举行一场专门的仪式,所有都会为他念祈祷文。

后来,他走了,朝医院走去。他几乎迈着坚定的步伐,头也不回地走了。一辆救护车停在那儿等着,准备送他去伯肯诺。

接下来的几天非常可怕。我们挨了很多打,但食物很少,工作能把人累死。他离去三天后,我们忘了为他念诵祈祷文。

冬天来了。白天很短,夜晚则叫人难以忍受。深更半夜,刺骨的寒风像鞭子似地抽在我们身上。我们发了冬装:带条纹的衬衫,只是稍厚一点而已。老资格的囚徒门趁机自嘲道:“现在你们才真正尝到集中营的滋味。”

我们照样出去干活,全身都冻僵了。石头冰凉,摸一下都扎手,浸透骨髓似的。但我们很快就习惯了。

圣诞节和新年期间,我们不出去干活,汤也不像往常那么清透。一月中旬,我的右脚因为寒冷而肿胀。我不能用右脚站立,只好去诊疗所。医生是一个名医,和我们一样,也是囚徒,他直截了当地说:“必须做手术!要是熬下去,就得切去脚趾,甚至截掉整条腿。”

我竟然得做这种手术!但我别无选择。医生决定做手术,容不得讨价还价。其实,我倒是满高兴,因为决定是他做出的。

他们让我躺在一条铺着白被单的床上。我忘了人们睡觉时盖的就是这种被单。

其实,诊疗所里日子不算赖:我们可以吃到好面包,喝到浓汤,没有铃声,不点名,不干活。每隔一段时间我都能给父亲送去一块面包。

我旁边躺着一个匈牙利籍犹太人,他得了痢疾,瘦得皮包骨头,长着一双死人眼。我只能勉强听到他的话音,那声音表明他还活着。他怎么还有力气说话?

“别高兴得太早,孩子。这里也有大挑,比外面还频繁,德国人不需要病怏怏的犹太人。德国人不需要我,下一批人来后,你会有新邻居。因此,听我说,下次大挑前,一定要离开诊疗所!”

这些话就像出自坟墓,出自一个没有面孔的鬼影,我不由得毛骨悚然。诊疗所的确很小,要是再来病人,就得腾地方。

但是,这个没有面孔的邻居可能害怕别人把他挤走,他也许想把我打发走,腾出床位来,让他有活下去的机会……也许,他只不过想吓唬我。但是,要是他讲的是实话呢?我决定等着瞧。

医生走过来告诉我明天做手术。

“别害怕,”他说,“一切都会好的。”

上午十点钟,我被送进手术室。医生在场,我放心了,我觉得,只要他在场,就不会有什么大问题。他的每句话都有疗效,每个眼神都能给人希望。“稍微有点儿疼,”他说,“但很快就会过去,勇敢点儿。”

[记住网址龙腾小说ltxs520.com]

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