第二十章 生命是场赌博
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“不热。”许乐的声音越发沙哑。
怀草诗终于忍不住蹙着眉摇了摇头，说道：“何必忍着？”
说完这句话，她转身离开了病房。
就在病房门关闭的同时，许乐的精神顿时松懈，虽说已经瘫疾的全身无法显现什么，但浓密黑发间涌出的汗水猛地增多，眉头皱的极紧，脸上再也没有什么笑意，嘴唇痛苦的咧开，露出满口白牙，牙根处不停渗着血水，看上去无比凄惨。
自濒死昏迷中醒来，他一直在承受着巨大的痛楚，身体无法动弹，内部的感觉却反而变得更加敏锐。崩裂的力量通道妾成了无数锋利的碎片，肆无忌惮地四处割伐，神经系统受损严重的他，偏生很想哀地能清楚感受到这种小刀割肉的痛楚。
还有那些终于冲破障碍的神奇灼热力量，虽然不再受怀草诗那一指之力的压制，却也再无法受到控制，在体内上上下下乱窜，化身成为千万条微小的滚烫细鞭，抽打着他每一颗细胞，最细微的感受。
不是凌迟，胜似凌迟，许乐痛苦的无以复加，纵然将白牙咬碎，也无法撑更长的时间，如果先前怀草诗还不离开，他或许会忍不住发出痛苦的呻吟。
要有尊严的死去，首先要保证自己的尊严，他这样坚持，所以微笑着嘲弄着对话，而不肯让脸颊上的肌肉被无尽痛楚带动一丝抽搐。
汗水如河从他身上淌下，湿了枕头。湿了被褥，湿了一夜，直至天京星陌生的晨光从窗外渗来时，脸色苍白虚弱至极的他，才发现原来自己又和那种痛苦战斗了整毒一夜。
这个世界里能够忍受这种痛苦的人有几个？
能够忍受一般人忍受不了的事情，自然不是一般人，这种人大抵只要不意外横死于爬升生涯之中。最后总会成就一番大事，因为他们有太过强烈的毅力和意愿，支撑着他们与不堪忍做殊死的抵抗。
许乐能忍，是因为他不甘。
还没有穿着将军回到昏暗乏味的东林矿区去看一眼当年的咖啡馆酒馆图书馆各大疗养中心当年的长腿女警和那个叫鹅龙涛的警官;
还没有看着！上的那些男男女女完成他们的故事，郜之源还没有结婚，白姑娘怎么收场？部郁抱着流火会站在那幢楼下等着归人？
还没有亲手抚摸过简水儿的黑发，还没有再次用商秋的伟大温暖自己孤单的右手，还没有回一声那个秀丽女孩儿的好意，还没有找出大叔死亡的真相。
还没有开着涡轮增压，去林半山当年的公路上和那帮议员的蠢货儿子们进行疯狂的赛车，还没有隐姓埋名去某地疯狂的歌舞欢爱一把。
还没有强迫白玉兰把他额头前飘着的那丝令人厌烦的发丝剪掉，还没有带着熊临泉扛着达林枪炮帮达文西把十三楼的妹妹抢回家，还没有还没有和施清海把那首二十七杯酒唱腻。
还没有来得及告诉所有人，自己是许乐，是东林孤儿许乐，不是蹲坑兵许乐。
怎甘心？
自杀是一场战斗，也是一场全新的，在没有任何东西可以输的情况下，他只有用自己的生命去赌这最后一把。
艰难扭头望着窗外第一抹柳树白晨光，许乐急促而疲乏地呼吸着，苍白的脸上出现了一抹不正常的红晕。
在帝国，这抹晨光应该叫鱼腹白。只有死鱼才会将自己难看的白腹翻给渔夫或游客看。
他还没有死。
他闭上了双眼，以常人难以想像的毅力抵抗着痛苦，平缓着呼吸。病床上的瘦削身体一动不动。那十个自幼修练的姿式，则开始在脑海中依次重现。
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