第四回 思疗妒鸧鶊置膳 欲除奸印信关防
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成珪应声谢恩，立起身，向外便走，急了些，一个昏花，直从板壁边擦去，不料一个小小钉头，把裙子钩住。成珪只道又是妻子拽住，回身不迭，连忙低头跪下道：“院君，一应条律，拙夫已许下俱依，为何又拽转来？还有甚么分付？”说完，不见答应，抬头一看，方知院君已是进去，回头见板壁上钩着半条裙幅，方知被钉取笑，于是立起身，口中呸几呸，唾几个唾沫，走出外去。
都氏要寻个法儿奈何夫主，一时思索不出，暗自想道：“我待只不容他出门，又恐旁人议论；若是着个小使踪迹，又恐监守不严，反能卖法；若竟将他下身小衣，早晨尽行缝住，认着针线手迹，又教他这一日怎生大小便得？”东思西算，只是不妥。忽然间悟出一个主意道：“妙得紧！妙得紧！成茂哪里？快与我唤个刻图书印的先生来！”
成茂领命，也不知叫他何用，一口气径奔到鼓楼前，接着那专刻印儿的徐铁笔到家，报知都氏。都氏请进相见毕，问道：“老身闻得先生大名，特请见教。不审先生专刻那一家的图章？”徐铁笔道：“小子祖传镌刻，所习不止一家。莫论周、秦、汉晋、唐、宋、齐、梁，四夷八蛮文字，处处晓得，但不知院君要刻何等字号？”都氏道：“据先生所说，历朝印谱，老身一字也用他不着，惟独老身这篇印谱，想是先生倒也未经看过。如今总不必拟古，只随时刻些甚么花、草、鱼、虫之类罢了。”徐铁笔道：“院君的印谱，小子虽是不曾看过，若说施于何所，小子定须有个刻法，如不说明，恐失款识，难为识者比。请院君从实见谕，以便计议。”都氏道：“不过暗记而已，不拘式样，只不要有字。”徐铁笔只得提起刀，飕飕的刻成一方印，与都氏一瞧，十分称意。怎见得？
长短无过一寸，方圆只可三分。不镌玉篆与金文，赛过降魔法印。上刻并头两朵，荷花出水亭亭。不施图画并关津，与那假请客用的没认。
都氏将钱送与徐铁笔去了。次日清早，便对成珪道：“今朝好日，我老娘要开印了。言过是件俱依，这回略梗我令，先请一百竹片！”成珪道：“院君又来取笑！好好的又惊吓我！”都氏道：“谁来取笑？昨日说得俱依，今日却又忘了？”成珪道：“不敢有忘，但凭施设。”都氏左手捏匣印色，右手提个印儿道：“我也不打你，我也不骂你，只从今日为始，每日起床，请你令尊出来，头上给一颗印，到晚要原封缴还。日间任你各处闲走，只要印儿无损。如有些儿擦落，以吏胥洗补重大文书论，杖一百，律徒三年；全失者，以铺兵失去紧急公文，及旗牌官失去所赍虎符论，随所失之轻重治罪，轻则边远充军，重则辕门枭示；若曾于所在地方有司，呈明致失之由，罪亦减等。若不遵明旨，擅自私刻者，以假刻符玺论，罪诛不赦！”成珪道：“院君出得题目，便是难做，倘裤裆里擦去些，难道也打一百？”都氏道：“这也凭你遮护，亏那考武生封臂的，怎么过了日子？”
成珪不敢回对，只得把那尘柄少少取出。都氏道：“怕什么羞哩！”把只嫩松的手儿，竟向裤里和根拽将出来。成珪又笑又怕，不觉老骚性发，那话儿已自勃然大举。都氏也不管三七廿一，竟向龟头上打一颗印子。成珪惟恐擦坏，只得另寻个绢帕儿包裹上截，方敢行动。
都氏以此法既行，以为得计，竟也不像旧时提防，任他游走。这日晚上归来缴印，灯光之下，免不得法令之初，将印儿一比，不知怎地小了一半。都氏放下脸道：“老杀才，恁般欺我，开封发市，便雕了假印来！”成珪道：“院君严命，谁敢玩法？屈死我也！”都氏道：“我只不管。原说过的，擦坏计责一百，假刻死罪不赦。言犹在耳，决不宽宥，死罪可恕，活罪难饶，今日让个初犯，减等也该二百竹片。”
成珪再三苦苦哀求，只得受了一百下，次早仍复关领收缴，已是半个来月，俱无异说。不想那日晚间，又该缴印，不觉印子又大了若干，都氏又变了脸道：“老杀才，又讨死也！前番私刻，小了一晕，已吃下一百竹片，想是打得少了，今日又去私雕，你看又大了一晕，该得何罪？”成珪实是不曾雕刻，前番已是屈打一顿，十分痛苦，今番又说要打，你道岂不惊骇？那件家伙，早缩做蜒蝤虫一般。成珪对着自己尘柄叹息道：“只为你身上，不知累我受下多少苦也！”言未已，只见龟头印儿已如旧了。都氏正要打，成珪道：“院君不要造次，只求复试一番，再打未迟。”都氏仔细又是一看，果然一毫不差，这晚活活饶了一顿毒打。
看官们，你道印儿大小原有分寸，成珪既不私刻，为何能大能小，赚出许多唇舌？原来那日成珪初领印儿，与院君夺手夺脚，未免说些趣话，骚兴一动，老做老也会举了起来，硬时印去，到晚软时来缴，怪不得小了一晕，这顿打也免不过的，后来这日印时却是软的，到晚也因此高兴，硬了头皮去缴，岂不又大了一晕，若不是仍旧惊软，这场打可又不是难逃也！
不知这法儿，毕竟行得通否，且听下回分解。
【总评】：
印龟一段，令人口笑而不能合。或谓教主又添妒妇一法门矣。余曰：不然，是正为限时刻者行方便耳。
【附录】：
予舍亲张大娘子，居西湖之滨，有才有貌，无匹无俦，合卺三载而愁病剧，既登鬼录，因作是诗。己卯花朝。
山水钟灵秀，西湖继若那。
俊庞西子侣，薄命小青家。
有德重堪挹，无媒转足嗟。
鸱袅啄嫩蕊，牛马啮萌芽。
肠逐啼猿断，魂随望帝赊。
十年愁绪结，一旦彩云斜。
白骨沦荒草，红颜覆浅沙。
风流今已尽，湖景又何夸。
[记住网址龙腾小说ltxs520.com]
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