第八十章 内心的独白【求收藏】
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陈家祠堂里，灵位和族谱已经全部被转移走的空祠堂。这些天陈鸣常到这里。大战来临了，他的心却有些平静不下。
不是因为土门集那些无辜死难的百姓，也不是因为即将在战争中消亡的人命，虽然自己挑起的‘战争’会让千千万万本可以活下去的生命死亡，但自己为的是中国更美好的将来。那历史上的百年耻辱，中国又失去了多少条人命？
陈鸣问心无愧，他才不会因之而愧疚。
陈鸣是为将来的‘无保障’感到不安宁。陈家如果打赢了眼前这一战，那肯定的是要上达天听了。乾隆如果调兵镇压，就豫西这块地盘周边的清军不要太多。伏牛山究竟能不能挡住铺天盖地而来的清军呢？
陈鸣知道乾隆时期的大小金川之战，满清前后动用了五六十万人马，死了多个总督、大将，耗费了几千万两白银和前后几十年时间，伏牛山能顶得上大小金川吗？
要知道鲁山是平原、山区的交界处，并不是真正意义的大山之中。它的周边除了各南阳镇，西面的汉中镇，南面的郧阳镇，还有西南的兴安镇总兵，也就是说打南阳镇的背后——郧阳镇、兴安镇、汉中镇三镇人马是一字排开的。
所以千万不能以为河南绿营兵少，就真的把这里当做满清兵力空虚之地了。只要清政府意识到不对，湖广甘陕四川的人马立刻就能平压过来。清军在河南人少，却把握住了南阳盆地这个出入中原与湖广的交通要点。
陈鸣隐隐畏惧的就是清军的后劲，源源不断地后劲。万一败了，伏牛山里的老老少少还能活命吗？
陈鸣不怕死多少战兵，却怕死的是伏牛山里的妇孺老小，那就太悲惨了。更何况，就他这样的军事水平，对付过眼下这场大战后，要真带着部队杀出鲁山去了，究竟能掀起多大的风浪呢？他自己心里都没谱啊。
眼下的时节，满清国势正盛，大多数老百姓还有一口吃的，还有一条活路，他就是想打土豪分田地，估计都掀动不起来群众。
时间一步步向着春光明媚走过，就有越来越多杂七杂八的念头涌上陈鸣的心头，甚至这些念头有些根本就是相反的。陈鸣自己的内心也很古怪，他可以认同战兵在战场上成百上千的死去，却很怕山里的妇孺老弱有个好歹，这思维他有时候自己想来也觉得很奇葩。
所以他来到这个空祠堂。或许是祠堂本身所具有的一种力量，在这里陈鸣脑子里乱七八糟的杂乱念头会平静下来，让他能更好的捋清自己脑子里的诸多念头，也能让他更清醒的展望未来。
既然已经决心颠覆天下，重塑中国；既然已经决心让中国不再重复历史上的老路，那就应该有牺牲一切的决心，也应该有可以牺牲一切的意念。陈鸣明显没有这些，或是说他没有为了天下把老娘老婆孩子都牺牲掉的决意。
在时代大潮面前，这就是他的软弱。他的软弱在这一段时间里为他引来了千千万万个杂乱思绪。这就像他当初准备劫牢破狱时候的心理一样。
这是一个凡人面对时代大潮的正常反应，但陈鸣不是凡人，他是穿越者。
——他不但要让陈家军的实力强大起来，更要让自己的内心强大！
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