自序
最新网址:m.ltxsdz.com
修订版的封面是在北京第一场大雪的日子里定下。龙腾小说ltxsba.com这张照片,是拍下来的花布。诡异绮丽的花朵。上面有缝针的裂痕斜斜地划过。它是我经常穿的一件棉布衣服。那道痕迹,如果用银粉缀上,就很像一道伤。曾经为颜色而犹豫:蓝配绿,还是蓝配红。略微差异就带来截然不同的气质感受。最终选了前者。因为它使一本书,显示出某种缓慢坚定。
这是一本在出版四年之后,重新又制作的书。
这本书。《八月未央》。我的第二本书。
它在2001年的1月出版,到2004年12月止,再版近四十次。换过三次封面。感谢我的读者和编辑,使它至今为止,还未在书店里失踪。直到现在,它将推出一个全新的版本。
必须要承认,这些基本上是在1998年、1999年写出来的小短文,感觉已经非常遥远。重新回头去看,时常有惭愧出现。仿佛不能够承认它们是被我自己所写。甚至有想抛弃它们的欲望。就像面对自己的青春期,你常觉得百转千折,心有怅惘。任何人的青春期,都带着血腥的残酷意味。
《告别薇安》和《八月未央》,是两本比较特殊的书。它们是转折点上的一个标记。这两本书代表着我的写作青春期的结束。
此后我所感觉到的写作,叙述之中,有一个巨大的更接近虚无的疆域逐渐延展。看到的。想到的。很多意愿不再说出来。于是留下沉默和克制。而这是我所要的。仿佛繁花满枝桠的花树,起起落落地开与坠。但是有一种轮回中恒定的自知。它使一个人和心和文字,越往前走越寥落淡定。
曾经的那些文字,已经不属于现在的我,也不代表现在的我。但无可否认,曾经是我的组成部分。
如果没有必要,很少回头去看自己写作的旧书。我弃绝它们的速度过于迅疾,并且无情。这大概是一个作者在精神和文本之中的蜕变。也是时间蜕下来的空壳。印记是它的意义所在。
写作使人留下历史。那也是时间的历史。它们是过去。仿佛黯淡变旧的照片。仿佛曾经写给自己的信。仿佛在水中消失的眼泪。仿佛记忆中剧烈的芳香气味。仿佛闭起眼睛感受到的光。光在黑暗中得以映照。黑暗的是彼时的年少时光。在出发的最起初。
从设计室出来等着打到出租车回家。黄昏的街头,暮色深浓,灯光闪耀。因为搬家,鞋子都被打包装进了箱子,所以一直都只穿着一双单薄的脏的红色球鞋。走在冰雪的路面上。
北京的冬天,这样凛冽的寒冷,让人欢喜。球鞋是少女。我看到自己的青春,轰隆隆地倏忽掠过。留下一颗心依旧似蔷薇,还要浪迹天涯。
安妮宝贝北京
2004年12月
[记住网址龙腾小说ltxsba.com]
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