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八月未央(1)

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1

我叫未央。龙腾小说ltxsba.com

我一直在南方城市长大,17岁以前,在南方沿海;17岁以后,来到上海。这是一个阳光充沛,人潮涌动的城市,空气常年污浊,高楼之间寂静的天空却有清澈的颜色。一到晚上,外滩就散发出颓靡的气味,物质的颓靡的气味。时光和破碎的梦想,被埋葬在—起不停地发酵,无法停止。

还有每年一季的台风,在8月的时候。

25岁的时候,我告诉自己,要去北方生活。不知道北方会不会有台风,我喜欢它们呼啸而过的时候,带来死亡的窒息。无法预料,自由自在,充满幻觉。在陕西路的天桥上,我常常做的一个游戏是,把背靠在栅栏上,慢慢地仰下去仰下去。我的头发在风中飘飞,我的眼睛开始晕眩,我看到天空中的云朵以优美的姿势大片大片地蔓延过城市。我开始了解,当一个女子在看天空的时候,她并不想寻找什么。她只是寂寞。

在一家网络公司上班,刚刚离职。我独身。

我曾对乔说,我很清楚自己要什么样的男人。我的判断只需要10分钟。10分钟。会知道我的一生是否会和他有关系。

如果他能给我带来爱情,那么我的痛苦会受他控制。所以,生命中会邂逅一段一段的10分钟,随时都会有遭受意外之前的预感。所以我相信,每一个有直觉的人,都放不掉他的惶恐。

2

乔是一个女子。我们在夜校的英语课上相遇。

她穿灰绿色的纯棉布绣花上衣,那种绿,像潮湿的没有见过阳光的苔藓,寄生在幽凉的墙脚里。墙脚是能带来安全感的地方,所以我选择坐在她的身边。我们把书本竖起来,埋下头看彼此的手相,恍若回到少年的校园时光。我喜欢她的头发轻轻拂在我的脸上。

你的手心上没有任何多余的纹路。乔说,你是个可怕的人。

为什么?

因为上面写着一些夭折和意外。

很可怕吗?

也许。她的脸上有震慑。

我淡淡一笑,反捏住她的手指。女人的皮肤柔软清香。就像花瓣。上完课,我们去酒吧喝酒,或者只是站在小店铺旁边,买上一杯加冰的可乐。她在一家广告公司工作,有一个做软件的男友,她叫他朝颜。

我们认识10年了。她说,睡觉的时候我要抓着他的手才可以。

你要嫁给他吗?

是。我要嫁给他。肯定。我想给他生10个孩子。她笑。天真无邪地把她的脸贴在我的肩上。

我淡淡地抽着烟,不说话。

小时候我是个沉默的孩子。一个沉默无语的孩子会带来恐惧。如果她在该笑的时候没有快乐,该哭泣的时候没有眼泪,该相信的时候没有诺言。她有残疾的嫌疑。

我喜欢花朵,喜欢把它们的花瓣一片片撕扯下来,留下指甲的掐痕,或把它们揉成汁水。我不明白它们为什么会没有血液。这是不知道疼痛的生命,让人陡生恨意。

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