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这使我感觉空虚。

有时候我觉得自己是个离死亡很近的人。

在大学里读的是物理。下铺的男孩来自广东,黝黑而健壮,名字似乎是叫陈。

陈在校队踢足球的时候,常常有女孩坐在操场上期待他活力充沛的射门。但是在大一快结束的时候,陈突然割脉自杀。

早上发现他的死亡,拉开被子,里面是凝固成硬块的血,坚硬得黏稠。

很多人疑惑,因为他们觉得喜欢运动的人都应该单纯而健康。但是我知道事实并非如此。常常在凌晨的时候,我会无端地惊醒,然后听到陈的哭泣。

他把自己裹在被子里,哭声听上去短促碎裂。这种原因暧昧的哭泣,让我感觉非常恐惧。那是一种气息。

我想也许我能够闻到死亡的气息。

大学毕业以后,我抛弃专业,选择做人寿保险。

多年的工作似乎已能够麻木我的恐惧。也让我领悟,人的不可承受的脆弱。

恐惧太重的东西渐渐会失去分量。就像陈苍白的手臂上,那一道腐烂的伤口。是没有时间可以愈合的。当我的手指抚摸在丧失水分的皮肤上,心里平静如水。

生命是一座恢宏华丽的城堡。轻轻一触,如灰尘般溃散。

5

joe和我的第一次约会。我们约定的地点是外滩,我公司的附近。

下班以后,我走出阴暗的门廊,感觉到天空中冰冷的雨滴,暮色中车流和人群拥挤不堪,喧嚣的城市是落幕前的戏院,在感觉中有空彻的预想中的寂静。

她站在路口。高大建筑之间的狭窄通道,呼啸着冷风。周围是优雅而颓败的欧式旧楼,时光一去不复返,只留下满目荒凉。

她站在楼群之间的阴影里,像一只鸟,微微颤抖着,被逼仄的寒冷所淹没。

那是我看到她的第一眼印象。

她很寒冷。

她和在酒会上的装束一样。脏的仔裤,羽绒外套。空荡荡的毛衣,从松垮的领口里能看到脖子的皮肤。脸上似笑非笑的表情。

有时候明亮的眼睛会细细地眯起来,那应该是她真正在微笑的时候。

她看上去落拓和纯真。在她模糊不清的笑容里面。

而我发现自己,有想用手撕下这一层笑容的欲望。

冷吗?我说。

不冷。她说。她问我借烟和打火机。

烟瘾重的人常常会忘记带烟。

就好像自认为游泳不错的人常会淹死。她抽烟的样子,随便地吐着烟圈,神态轻松。

但她对烟的依赖应该是无可救药的程度。

[记住网址龙腾小说ltxsba.com]

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