第四百四十九章 诡异早朝(下)
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一副虚心求教即将效法的样子令殿内许多老臣面现怒色。
秦堪不急不徐地开始编瞎话了:“是这样的,锦衣卫里有个百户不争气,偷了西厂一位掌班的老婆,二人多次行云雨苟且之事,非常的伤风败俗,毫无道德底线……”
噗——
殿内顿时无数大臣忍不住喷笑出声,然后强自忍住,同时也有许多老臣神情愤怒,毕竟朝堂是庄严的地方,金殿之内说这种话题委实不妥。
刘瑾的老脸却渐渐变绿了。
朱厚照咧了咧嘴,无视老臣们的愤怒之色,反而兴致勃勃道:“然后呢?然后呢?”
“然后……咳,刘公公,然后呢?”秦堪非常缺德地将话题扔给刘瑾。
刘瑾脸上顿时罩上一层黑雾,中毒了似的。
“然后……然后……”刘瑾目光既怨且毒地扫了秦堪一眼,他恨自己,为什么这么贱,今日要跑来这金殿当值……
“然后……”刘瑾眼一闭,心一横,干脆今日把自己当成屁篓子,姓秦的放什么屁杂家都接着!
于是刘瑾不得不接道:“然后,那个锦衣卫百户和西厂掌班老婆的奸情被西厂一位大档头无意中撞破了,大档头大怒,这个锦衣卫百户简直是大明的败类呀,也不知上官怎么教的,分明上梁不正下梁歪,于是大档头叫齐人马,将那位百户狠狠揍了一顿……”
尽管被迫配合秦堪,刘瑾还是不阴不阳暗损了他一番。
下面的大臣简直快憋出内伤了,李东阳和杨廷和站在班首,原以为今日朝会上秦堪会和刘瑾掐起来,从而逼得秦堪不得不搅入这纷乱繁杂的朝局,却没想到竟是这般结果,二人愕然对视一眼,然后苦笑摇头。
朱厚照听故事的兴趣越来越浓厚,一迭声道:“然后呢?然后呢?”
刘瑾很仗义地将话题原封扔回去,眼里闪烁着怨毒的光芒,冷笑道:“秦侯爷,然后呢?后面的事儿杂家不大记得了……”
秦堪不慌不忙接道:“然后,挨了打的锦衣卫百户奸夫也怒了,点齐人马又打了回去,结果事情越闹越大,恰好昨晚臣回京,一进城便听说锦衣卫和西厂私斗,居然还闹出了人命,锦衣卫吃了大亏,臣是锦衣卫指挥使,臣为人最大的毛病就是有些护短,见卫中弟兄吃了亏,臣不得不为他们出头,于是愤怒之下失了理智,调了三个千户对西厂大开杀戒,臣……有罪!”
下面的大臣越听越不对劲了,这不对呀!两个从来不对付的家伙今日怎么一搭一唱配合如此默契?不但没有当殿对掐,反而处处给彼此打掩护,原本打算趁火打劫参劾二人的几位御史权衡许久,终究没敢迈出朝班。
今日早朝太诡异了,事出反常必有妖,大明朝堂从不缺正义之辈,但也绝没有一个缺心眼儿之辈,今日情况如此复杂难辨,谁站出去谁就是傻子。
殿内一片沉默中,朱厚照拧眉道:“不对呀,你们说是误会,可明明是那个锦衣卫百户理亏,说来说去,是锦衣卫不对,何来误会可言?”
秦堪急忙道:“陛下,后来臣仔细打听过,此事另有内因……”
“有何内因?”
“锦衣卫百户偷人家老婆却是受人之托,原来西厂那位掌班不能人事,又想要个儿子承继香火,于是花费重金请锦衣卫百户帮其生子,此本为礼法不容,百户百般推脱,无奈掌班太有诚意,频频热情相邀,百户只好不得已而答应,谁知被西厂大档头无意撞破,将事情闹大,陛下,此事误会因此而生。”
殿内朝班中又传来“噗”地几声闷笑。
这话可恶毒了,分明是讽刺西厂上下继承了公公们的光荣传统和生理特征……
刘瑾头顶简直冒黑烟了,脱口怒道:“你放……”
极怒中刘瑾与秦堪的目光接触,却见秦堪脸上笑容温和,眼中分明却带了几分凶狠阴森之色。
刘瑾浑身一颤,即将脱口而出的叱喝竟生生忍住了。
还是那句话,刘瑾不敢赌,他赌不起。
“刘公公,本侯所言不知对否?若然不对,还请刘公公为陛下补充。”秦堪皮笑肉不笑道。
刘瑾脸颊狠狠一抽,无限屈辱道:“……侯爷所言正是!”
包括朱厚照在内,殿内许多大臣的肩膀微微放松,不自觉地轻呼出一口气。
大明两大权臣就这样在金殿内合作完成了一个精彩的故事接龙。
.!q-
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