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第八章

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人生的冰激与柔情,

我也曾尝味,我也曾容忍;

有时阶砌下蟋蟀的秋吟,

引起我心伤,逼迫我泪零。

我袒露我的坦白的胸襟,

献爱与一天的明星,

任凭人生是幻是真

地球在或是消派——

大空中永远有不昧的明星!

1作时间和发表报刊不详。手稿篇末注明:”二十六日,半夜”。与原稿有出入的是:第3行”晶莹”为”光明”;第4行为”我爱他们的恒心”;第6行”清晨”为”侵晨”;第9行”山涧边”为”涧边”;第13行”魂灵”为”心灵”;第17行”冰激”为”冷激”;第20行”心伤”为”伤心”。

《我有一个恋爱》中抒情主人公的恋爱对象是”天上的明星。”明星闪烁于天穹,照耀着地球,但并不带感情色彩。把”天上的明星”作为恋爱对象,这本身就表明,明星所指的不是常人眼中的自然现象,对明星的描写不只是纯客观的描摹。这明星是诗人眼中人格化的明星,带有强烈的主观色彩。”明星”这一艺术形象具有自然和情感双重属性。

有的人仰望满天繁星,寄托内心的乡愁;有的人描写依着祖母的怀抱数星星,忆起童年的天真。徐志摩描写的则是在”暮冬的黄昏”,在”灰色的清晨”,在”荒野的枯草间”,明星闪烁的晶莹。这是诗人对自然景物的审美摹仿,是”这一个”诗人独特的摹仿。诗人接受了西方自由、民主的思想,但这种思想的觉醒只令他对现实更为不满,当时国家”混乱的局面使他感到他是度着灰色的人生”(蒲风语),个人爱情的挫折尤使他痛苦,国事、家事,”人生的冰激与柔情”,把他那颗充满浪漫梦幻的诗心折磨成”破碎的魂灵”。但是,象许多浪漫主义者一样,理想屡屡受挫但仍追求不会,他是永远不甘平庸的,他要在灰色的人生里”唱一支野蛮的大胆的骇人的新歌”(《灰色的人生》)。与他同期的诗作《灰色的人生》相比,同是写灰色人生,但《灰色的人生》重于现实的暴露与反抗,激愤粗犷,格调沉重凝滞,果然有”野蛮”、”大胆”、”骇人”之气。而《我有一个恋爱》里明星晶莹闪烁,创造了一个轻盈、空灵而又宁静、神圣的意境,与诗人灰暗、沉闷的人生感受侧面相比衬,这种反差也正是两者的契合点。

在晶莹的星光里诗人看见了自己人生的追求,得到了”知心”、”欢欣”、”灯亮与南针”,这一光明慰藉了现实人生的抑郁苦闷,理想的歌颂重于现实的暴露。在这首诗里,诗人对明星的审美摹仿勿宁说是对自己的理想、自己的思想感情的审美观照,他造出了一个独立的纯美的艺术境界与现实人生相抗衡,并以此作为坚定的信仰慰藉与激励自己人生的追求。诗之末了,诗人高歌:”任凭人生是幻是真,/地球存在或是消泯——/大空中永远有不昧的明星。”这是一曲人生理想之歌,在这里,诗人的人生追求与晶莹的星光互为溶合,表达出诗人执著的爱恋与坚定的信仰。

这首诗在艺术上比较集中地体现了徐志摩诗歌的特点。形式上或追求变幻的自由,或力求单纯和统一,前者更适宜表达激荡的心灵,所以这首诗前三节句式整饬、节奏单纯,及至诉说衷心,便改用错综交替、自由变幻的句子。但都工而有变,散而有序,错落有致。这首诗在爱的感激昂奋中每每略带抑郁,表现了诗人感受人世沧桑的心怀。这种矛盾的情绪以对比手法表现得尤为突出:如二、三、四节各以现实人生与天上明星作视觉、与触觉上、心灵感受上的对比,现实人生越灰暗,明星越显得光明美好;明星越亮,现实越灰暗。

诗人便忧郁人生,更深深爱恋明星。

徐志摩是个浪漫主义诗人,他以”爱、美、自由”为人生信仰,对爱情、人生、社会都抱着美好的理想,希望这三者能在同一人生里得到实现。正如梁实秋所说:”志摩的单纯的信仰,换个说法,即是-浪漫的爱-……这爱永远处于可望不可及的地步,永远存在于追求的状态中,永远被视为一种极圣洁高贵极虚无缥缈的东西。”诗中”我爱天上的明星”便是这么一种爱,把它理解为对具体人物的爱也好,理解为人生的理想也好,这都是一种神圣、热忱的爱。

(涂秀虹)

[记住网址龙腾小说ltxsba.com]

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