第59节
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我看到杂志上有个很性感的欧洲女人，于是站在床上学着她那撩人的动作模仿给小新看：＂小新，你说我性感还是那个大洋马性感？＂
小新托着下巴看我一会儿：＂恩...你要不穿你这件史努比的睡衣呢，可能能跟她打个平手.＂
＂切，那我换一件你的.＂
我翻下床，找一件小新的睡衣背着她换上，摆了个玛莉莲梦露的动作：＂这样性不性感？＂
没声音？我郁闷，小新那俩眼只在杂志上使劲压根儿没看我.让我浪费这么多表情，我冲小新怒吼：＂你知不知道这个动作有多累！快点给我看看！＂
小新吓了一跳：＂嚷嚷啥！吓死我了！＂
＂你快点儿看看哦，我性感还是梦露性感？＂
小新哈哈大笑：＂要是你不是一副被驴咬了一口的表情，可能你会有梦露十分之一的性感.＂
我很泄气，滚到床上摁住小新：＂你就不能给我点儿好话听啊！＂
小新翻身把我压住：＂你想诱惑我就直说嘛，干吗曲里拐弯儿的.＂
我哼一声：＂我才没想诱惑你.＂
小新添添我的唇：＂可我已经被你诱惑了哦.＂
第二天吃早饭的时候，小新说要见一个传说中异常挑剔并且脾气凶猛的客户，小新吃着饭就犹豫，不无哀怨地叹道：＂怎么老总非要我去见啊，真是，你说这个人吧，要是他讲道理的话还好办，要是蛮不讲理，可该怎么办啊，还真难办.＂
我故作深沉：“要真不讲理吧，我这儿倒有一条对策.＂
小新不信：＂就你接触的那点儿人都清纯的不得了的那种，你能有什么对策啊？＂
我嗤之以鼻：＂切，小看人了吧，你得知道，学校就是个小社会，我遇到的人可多了去了，这种人有的是，好多学生家长就是暴男型儿的，你爱听不听.＂
小新半信半疑：＂那你不妨说来听听.＂
我装腔作势：＂啧啧，我先给你分析分析，首先吧，你们老总要派个男的去，万一双方恼了，按照同性相斥的原理，那很有可能激化矛盾，所谓男女搭配干活不累就是这意思，这可是经验之谈.你们老总派你去，是很有远见地.＂
小新有点儿迫不急待：“你还背着琐呐坐飞机吹上天了！少扯没用的，你有什么好对策就赶紧讲.＂
我理解她，理解一个女人要见一个暴男时心里不踏实的感觉，以及迫切寻求避风港的原始心理.
我清清嗓子：＂那好吧，不过这东西说出来可就不灵了.＂
小新敲一下我的头：＂故弄玄虚！＂
我一本正经：＂什么叫故弄玄虚啊！这样吧，你知道啥叫锦囊妙计不？我把计策写在纸上折好，不到万不得以你不能拆开来看，否则失了效事小，后患无穷事大哦，要不到时候你来哭着找我说不管用那我可不负责.＂
我拿过纸笔遮遮掩掩的写好一张便条，仔细折叠好，又找了个挺秀气的巴掌大小的纸袋儿把它存放里面，然后递给小新.小新疑惑并小心翼翼地接过纸袋儿，又不可思议的看着我.
我干咳一声：＂你要是不相信，现在就还给我，当我什么也没说什么也没做好了，那个...这个可是对付暴男最好的决策，尤其是对付不讲理的人最管用，你爱信不信.＂
小新将纸袋收好：＂算了，姑且信你一回好了.＂
饭后，小新出去上班儿，我也出去上课，一天就在忙碌中度过.
下午下班回家，我先把粥熬上，再跑到客厅捣鼓那个因年代久远而死活不能出声儿的收音机，这收音机来头可不小，是我专门跑收废品的那儿给淘来的，虽说破了点儿，不过有纪念价值不是.
正捣鼓在兴头上，只觉得我那后脑勺儿被人猛击一掌，痛得我＂哎哟＂一声大叫.回头一瞧，小新正双手叉腰虎视眈眈地俯视我。更多小说ltxsba.com
我摸着后脑勺儿忍不住抱怨：＂你是青春期亢奋还是吃饱撑着了？要不就是被尿憋了？爱我就说出来也不用打这么狠那！＂
小新冰窖里嬉耍――冷笑一声，将纸袋儿拍在桌子上：＂关扬，这就是你的锦囊妙计？！＂
我一懵，见形式不对，不是别人把这袋子里的纸条给换了吧？小心的打开看看，没换啊，是我的字没错，我看着小新点头：＂没错啊，就是这啊.＂
小新把脸凑近我：＂你确定？就俩字？＂
我大言不惭：＂当然，言简意赅嘛，锦囊妙计的特点就是字儿少含义多.＂
小新眼都不眨的看着我：＂是哪俩字儿？＂
我指着纸条上的字：＂就这俩字儿嘛...＂
小新加重语气重复：＂是哪俩字儿？＂
我握收音机的双手隐约有些颤抖，说话也开始不顺畅：＂就...这，这俩...字儿嘛...＂
小新语气里有温柔的粗暴：＂行啊，那你念给我听听！＂
我把收音机放下，摸着脑袋一脸难为情的看着她.
小新怒吼：＂念啊！＂
我一哆嗦，在她的威逼胁迫下，我想我是别无选择的，那剥了皮儿的蛤蟆，临死还要跳三跳呢，我怕啥！抵不过小新那双正在放火的眼，我只能胆战心惊地念出了纸面上那俩潇洒的大字儿：＂蹿！跑！＂
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