第十六章 刘备大战吕布
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“刘备……”
范畴还没来得及惊讶，只听身后一声怒喝：“呔，大耳贼，你来的正好……”
一阵阴风霎时掠过范畴，吕布已经从屋中闯出，脸色铁青，无边的煞气顿时涌出，一把抓向那个一脸惊色的刘备，眼看着吕布就又要变身。更多小说ltxsba.com
“兄长，别来无恙……”刘备躬身施礼，却从吕布的腋下刺溜钻进了屋里，吕布一把抓了个空，扭头就追：“大耳贼休跑，与我拿命来……”
刘备直接冲进了厨房，吕布这一会已经变身了，看上去哪里还是吕布，就跟黑旋风李逵似的，浑身上下带着黑风煞气，随后也冲了进去。
范畴急道：“崔哥你倒是拦着点啊！”
崔命一摊手：“也不归我管，我就负责送人，其他的你自己搞定……”
范畴一跺脚，正要往屋里跑，就见一个盘子从厨房里飞了出来，啪的就摔碎了，盘子碎片伴着清脆的音效四溅飞射，刚好吕布跑过去，几块碎片竟然刺进了吕布的身体里。
吕布大叫一声，碎片顿时崩飞，但厨房里又开始不断的飞盘子，吕布被那盘子碎片扎到身上，竟从伤口呲呲的往外冒黑气，吕布哇哇大叫着开始躲避，一时间被阻在了冲向厨房的路上。
范畴跳脚喊：“我的盘子啊……”
这声哀嚎还没结束，他的碗又飞出来了，叮当稀里哗啦，刘备在厨房里大展身手，上演了一出锅碗瓢盆交响曲，而地上也很快满是碗盘碎片，把窦娥吓的躲在卧室里不敢出来了，泰山在天花板上眼睛四处乱瞟，看的这个热闹，崔命在旁边直鼓掌。
很快所有的碗和盘子都扔光了，连筷子都没了，吕布在枪林弹雨中也冲出了好几米，最后，范畴仅有的两个盆也飞了出去，正扣在吕布脑袋上。
吕布带个钢盔，就跟进击的巨人似的，突烟冒火的终于冲到了厨房门口，而这时厨房里的东西几乎已经让刘备扔光了，刘备也是急眼了，顺手抓起了范畴放在碗柜最里面那个黑色的小碗，也就是用来收鬼的法宝如意金钵，但刘备刚拿起那碗，浑身就一个哆嗦，如意金钵啪的掉在地上，滚到了吕布的脚下。
范畴再也忍不住了，冲了过去，一把抓起如意金钵，大叫道：“都给我住手，看法宝……”
白光一闪，两张引魂符立即在手，范畴一手持符，一手抓碗，作势欲扑……
“哎哎哎……范先生莫要动手……”崔命一见范畴要动真格的，这才慌了神，一个瞬移就出现在吕布和刘备中间，“你们俩差不多行了啊，别让范先生为难，否则本次假期取消，都回地狱啃泥去！”
“大耳贼，你害我之时忘了辕门射戟乎！我与你生不同寝…”吕布还叫唤。
刘备一缩脑袋：“死了我也不跟你同穴……”
范畴无语道：“吕哥，那叫不共戴天……都他妈一千多年了，你俩有完没完？吕哥，你说你心眼能不能大点，你让曹操勒死了能怪刘备吗，你以为刘备给你求情就能保命了？人家曹操压根就没想让你活着，只不过想把杀害天下第一猛将的罪名让刘备分担点，刘备只不过在那种时候不得不顺着曹操的心思说，再说了，你跟着谁混就把谁祸害死，哪个老大敢收留你啊？你说你死了怪谁，你只能怪你自己运气不好！”
范畴越说越激动，最后手指头差点杵到吕布鼻子上去了，当然，他现在最高也就能杵到吕布鼻子……
吕布脸上阴晴不定，却暴叫道：“丁原视我为家奴，连官职也无半点，况且其势弱小，如何建功立业？董卓虽残暴，却识我是天下英雄，只恨他自大狂傲，脾气暴躁，数次辱我，想我吕布岂能受其欺凌，杀了便是杀了，有甚背主之说，反复之言，他刘备小儿先投公孙瓒，依附陶谦，又降曹操，其后又投与我，在我之后，又投靠袁绍、刘表，天下奔走，如丧家之犬，如说我不忠不义，他刘备何尝配得忠义二字？他不肯屈居人下，我吕布堂堂大丈夫，难道就肯久居人下？”
吕布一番话，说得所有人都默默不语，刘备手里抓着最后一个饭勺，也叹了口气，说道：“兄长此言有理，杀丁原董卓，原也没什么大不了，天下分割，群雄逐鹿，本来就是谁的拳头大，谁就有理，只不过，你欠缺了一点技巧而已，还有，你败就败在被这天下第一的名头所累，你的欲望太多啊，总觉得自己天下无敌，你要是能谦恭一点，何至于此？”
范畴两边一摆手：“得得得，一千多年的官司没人跟你们打，我只希望你们能忘记过去，再说了，吕哥你现在翻旧账可没意思了，当年你在徐州辕门射戟是帮了刘哥的大忙，可是你那徐州本来就是抢刘哥的好不好？人家当初可是先收留了你，你却抢了人家地盘，好意思么？大家抢地盘就跟做游戏似的，输了就遵守规则出局，你倒好，输了还要冲上去挠人家脸，我都替你臊得慌啊……”
“你们谁要再闹，取消本次特殊假期，刑期加五百年，转到十八层地狱。”
崔命忽然来了这么一句，吕布瞟了他一眼，哼了一声，这才渐渐恢复了原样，坐在沙发上，喊道：“我不跟他一起看电视！”
“……好好好，咱们不许他看电视！”范畴哭笑不得的说。
“有劳崔使君劳心，备铭感五内。”刘备还在那装大尾巴狼呢，一副忠厚长者的风范，浑然忘记刚祸害了范畴家所有的锅碗瓢盆。
崔命没理他，拉过范畴问：“我这个捕鱼达人总抓不到大鱼是怎么回事？”
他把苹果手机掏出来，熟练的按出捕鱼游戏，对着一个大鱼打了几网，然后有些无奈的往范畴眼皮底下一递。
“可以啊崔哥，玩的够溜的，我看看……”
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