第19章
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信太妃独自一人坐在露台上喝酒，我心不在焉地打了声招呼，匆匆进了房间，呆呆地坐了一个时辰。龙腾小说ltxsba.com他说他不介意自己是蝴蝶，而花……花是我吗？不敢置信。心仿佛要跳出来叫嚣一番，天色已经全然暗了下来也不自觉。直到信太妃端烛推门而入，房间一下子亮了起来。
她走到跟前，按了按我的手，点上灯在凳子坐了下来，柔声询道：“有什么要同我说的吗？”
我急急抓住她的手，千言万语，却无从说起。
她笑了：“你今天回来的时候，只见一张小脸半喜半忧，怎么，遇到他了？”
“谁？”我像被踩着了尾巴的猫，跳起来问。
“还有谁，当然是踏着五彩祥云的那个人了。”她好笑道。
我脸一红，这不是不打自招了吗，想了想，问道：“你当初遇到先帝爷，是个怎样的情形？”
“他当时用一种很奇怪，仿佛知己般的眼神盯着我瞧，那一刹那，我知道我完了。”她微笑着陷入回忆。
“你后悔吗？和他这般不计名分地在一起。”
“爱，就是不问值得不值得。”
我笑了：“原来我的穿越先锋婆婆也是张爱玲的读者。”
“可是这么多年过去了，我时时忆起当初的情形，知道他不是不爱我，只是上位的人，总有他的难处。但是我又忍不住恨他，不恨他，我就没有目标活下来。”
呵，上位的人总有他的难处。我若有所思地想着心事，从回忆中醒了过来的信太妃讪笑道：“让你看笑话了，我是过来人，说句实在话，其实人哪，找谁都好，就是不要找上位的，高处不胜寒……”
“唉，这缘分到了的时候，容不得你不找……”我喟然而叹。
她一愣，声音冷了几分：“你看上嘉靖了还是嘉靖看上你了？”
我敛笑：“你不同意？”
“你这么快便知道他倾心于你？我是看着他长大的，他比他老子还绝情，千年的冰块，哪是那么容易动情之人？”她声音清冷，轻而淡，却带着一丝威严的询问。
是啊，虽我与他正面交情不多，但看他平日里处理国事、对待不友爱兄弟的那般魄力与决绝，哪有半分和我在一起的放松样子？他和我在一块时，到底是他的真面目还是装出来的亲切和善？
“我，我不知道。”我缓缓答道。
她一叹：“有希望自然是好的，但是往往事不如人意！皇家的人，都孤情薄义惯了的。”
就在那一刻，我忽然清醒了，所有的一切，从始至终忽都看透了！一时的轻言暖语就让我大失分寸，谁知他是有心或无意？对于他来说，我或许是新奇的，久了便会觉得无趣，他仍可从从容容地回去当他的千古圣君，而我……我万劫不复。
“我知道该怎么办了，谢谢你！”我紧紧握住她的手。
她的微笑带着点苍凉的意味：“伶雪，告诉你，做人，最要紧的是爱自己，无论何人都得排在第二位。”
我苦笑道：“急病会死人，死了也就算了，但失恋又不致死，活生生地受煎熬，且又不会免疫，一次又一次地痛苦下去，没完没了，人的本性又贱，居然渴望爱情来临，真是！”
她大惊：“你看得透？”
无奈地一笑，我说：“说比做容易，这是亦舒哲言。”
“别怕，你都说失恋反正都不会死人了，咱们还有东山再起的机会。”她劝慰道。
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