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第十四章 找马

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二胖是吕布?我从小跟吕布掐架掐大的?我是不是也挺者换一个说法:吕布就这德行?

毫不吹牛地说,虽然小时候我打不过他,可上了初二以后我尽揍他了,二胖在学校里其实还算好学生,他无心江湖以后正好赶上我的颠峰期,而且二胖他爸管他特别严,只要知道他在外面打架回去非拿裤带抽他不可——你说他爸会不会是董卓?

虽然知道这都是真的,我还是忍不住挖苦他:“你哪长得像吕布?”我捏了捏他肚子上的赘肉,“吕布就这?”

二胖使劲往回吸肚皮,低着头说:“上辈子不是这样。龙腾小说网ltxsba.com”

我随口道:“你要是吕布我就是……”可是想了半天也说不出个所以然来,三国里吕布好象是当之无愧的翘楚,说谁也白搭,俗语道人中的吕布马中的赤兔,我总不能说我是赤兔吧?

我斜眼看着他说:“何天窦让你来的吧?”

“你都知道啦?”

“废话!你找关二哥干什么?”

二胖摊了摊肩膀:“你说呢,反正不是和他叙旧,他哪去了?”

我说:“昨天来没一会就走了,去外地了。”

二胖道:“真的?”

“那你以为关二爷会怕你吗,他要在这早扑出来了。”我纳闷道:“再说你虽然跟二爷干过仗,可你们之间好象也没多大仇吧?你要找也应该找曹操啊,找刘备也说的过去,你找二爷不是驴唇不对马嘴吗?”

二胖道:“你就告诉过我他什么时候能回来吧?”

我一瞪眼:“说不听了还,你非找不自在?”

二胖嘿嘿一笑:“别吓我。现在我让你条胳膊你也白给。”

……还真是,就算他不是吕布,就凭这块头我也打不过他了,这小子这几年没见愈发养得膘肥体壮的。

我往沙发里一仰,一副死猪不怕开水烫的样子说:“反正关二爷不在了,我也联系不上他,你爱怎么地就怎么的吧。”

二胖错愕道:“这么多年没见,你小子怎么还这样啊?”他掏出手机。“那我给我老板打个电话,问问他是什么意思。”

不一会电话通了,二胖说了几句忽然把电话递过来:“他要跟你说。”

我接过电话哼哼着说:“喂,老何啊?”

何天窦嘿然:“关羽呢?”

我说:“你不是会算吗,你算呀。”

“我这可不是算的,昨天你们两个人在大富贵挑趴下50号人,现在早已经传得沸沸扬扬,除了关云长。谁有这本事?”

我说:“有本事的人多了去了,你怎么知道一定是他?”

“嘿嘿,别以为我不知道你那这段时间里尽来了些什么人,能顶着这么大压力下来的武将。也就只有关羽了。”

“嗬,福尔摩斯没少看啊,那你再推理推理二爷去哪了,正好我还有点想他了。”

“……”何天窦顿了顿说:“他不在也好,其实我挺佩服云长为人的,也不愿意让他难堪,这样吧,关羽不在项羽不是在吗?”

我叫道:“你有准谱没准谱啊,他们俩有什么仇?”

何天窦道:“那我不管。反正我好不容易找着吕布了,你总得让我赢一场,再说项羽那小子闯到我家里砸我暗室的仇我还没报呢。”

我狠狠骂道:“有种你出来,咱们王牌对王牌,我非拿板砖掀你前脸儿!”

何天窦笑道:“你算个屁王牌,王牌有使板砖的吗?不跟你说了。你把电话给吕布。”

我只得把电话还给二胖,他又跟何天窦嘀咕了一会才收了线,问我:“项羽在吗?”

“出去还没回来。”

二胖坐在沙发角上说:“那我等等他。”

我无语,这情形有点像被人逼债上门,跑也跑不了,赶也赶不走,我和二胖大眼瞪小眼,气氛再次陷入尴尬,本来是发小相见,把手言欢。可说没两句却发现彼此属于敌对阵营,很戏剧化,很桥段,很绝代双娇。

最后,终于还是我忍不住问:“你现在在哪混呢?”毕竟眼前是一个从小长大、还扎着鳄鱼皮带拿着手机地活生生的胖子,我潜意识里总是很难把他跟吕布联系起来。

“……我开了个摩托修理铺。”二胖好象一时无法适应这样的谈话。

“你不是……”

二胖好象知道我要问什么,难为情地说:“高考压力太大没考上,后来也就这样了。”确实我挺难理解,二胖学习成绩一直不错的。听他说完我心情也比较复杂,怎么说也是勇冠三军的人物,在应试教育的摧残下也愣是被挤下了独木桥,三国那会要是也考数理化,吕布说不定也只能给人钉马掌去了呢——相当于现在的摩托修理。

我凑到他跟前,神秘地说:“哎,问你个事。”

“怎么?”

“貂禅真的漂亮吗?”虽然面前是从小跟我掐到大地胖子,但他毕竟是吕布,机会难得,该打听的八卦绝不能放过。

“呃……漂亮。”二胖已经有点失语了。

我忽然退后一截盯着他说:“我靠,那姓何的不会是拿貂禅要挟你找我打仗的吧?我说你小子上辈子吃那小娘们地亏还没吃够啊?”

二胖哭笑不得道:“别说这个了,我去年已经结婚了,让我那口子听见还不得跟我打架?”

我失笑道:“吕布也怕老婆?你打不过她?”

二胖淡然道:“孩子都两岁了还打什么打?”

“……你不是说你去年才结婚吗?哪来个两岁的孩子?”

“第一胎要不打都三岁了。”

我再次无语,索性问:“你为什么帮那姓何的?”

二胖摆了摆手:“这个你就别问了。”

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