第六十九章 位极人臣
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后来我也忘了问了,这一天是怎么算的,因为你要一根筋跑直线连不成圆的话那就只能得到一条线段,你说我要条线干什么呢,难道去草原上跟牧民收过路费去?
这会我们所有人地目光都集中在赵匡胤身上,不管是不是玩笑吧,反正人家那几位都送了礼物了,都是当皇帝的,在这可没有自重身份这一说。
赵匡胤挠了挠头道:“他们封你的都是文官吧?去我那当个将军怎么样?”
我忙道:“好啊好啊。”
说实话我对宰相啊太师啊什么的根本没有兴趣,高中毕业都是找地人当啥太师啊?将军就好听多了,虽然不能印在名片上,不过以后接待各朝客户的时候不也是个话头
可是我就见朱元璋看着我俩嘿嘿坏笑,赵匡胤道:“朕就封你个安国公,总督天下兵马。”说着举起酒杯道,“来,喝了这杯酒,你就正式走马上任了。”大家都看出来了,赵匡胤有点敷衍人的意思,我虽然啥也不懂却也知道这什么什么公只是一个爵位,要总督天下兵马,至少还得封个什么什么元帅吧?
跟赵匡胤喝酒心里怎么这么不塌实呢?我看看坏笑的朱元璋,猛地反应过来了:这不是要杯酒释兵权吗?
话说赵匡胤时逢乱世又手握重兵,见时机已经成熟,便在陈桥驿发动了兵变,当然,还有一种说法是说这是赵匡胤的部下们主谋的,而且赵匡胤是喝多了地情况下醉醺醺地穿上了皇袍,反正我是不信——皇袍哪来地?事实上是:赵匡胤每天发症一样喃喃自语:直接称帝还是先造反,这是一个问题……
赵匡胤得了天下以后,手下地开国功臣里多的是手掌兵权地老搭档,这让他心神不宁,于是就在皇宫里摆了一桌,席间老赵自言自语说:“你们都是我的好兄弟,假如你们要是造我的反,你们说我是杀不杀你们呢?”
老部下们自然是大惊失色,一起说:“老大,我们怎么可能造反呢?”赵匡胤就说:“别扯淡了兄弟们,我这皇帝怎么来的你们还不知道吗?”众人都想:是呀,我们老大当皇帝那会自然也跟他的老大这么说……一时间都惊恐起来,不知道赵匡胤要干什么。
赵匡胤见该说的都说了,就提点这些人说:“要我说你们都是功臣,我能亏待你们吗?只要你们不带兵,我保你们和你们的子孙后代都有饭吃有妞泡。”
他手下的大将们这才恍然,于是这个站起来说自己这几天头发疼,那个说自己指甲疼,还有一个说自己的眼睛已经不大能听见声音了,反正是找借口纷纷辞去军职改换文职,赵同学满意地点点头,这才端起酒杯,说了一句刚才和我说过的话:“喝了这杯酒,你们这就走马上任吧。”是为历史上有名的杯酒释兵权。
我捂着酒碗假装踉跄道:“皇上,我实在是不能再喝了。”跟他碰了这碗酒不定什么难听话就来了,难不成我这安国公才当几分钟就得还回去,蚊子虽小也是肉,我傻啊?有这碗酒的量我还不如去成吉思汗那换点地皮呢。
敲诈4老大,我把刘老六拉在一边道:“快点,我的工资呢?”我倒也不是真用得着,就是特好奇这回又有什么希奇古怪的东西。
刘老六一指桌上4,小声说:“他们就是你这几个月的工资。”
我愣在当地好半天,随即道:“别开玩笑,快点拿出来。”说着在刘老六身上的各个口袋里来回乱摸。
刘老六被我胳肢得嘿嘿直乐,一边躲闪着我的骚扰,道:“别闹,没跟你开玩笑。”
当我摸出刘老六的口袋连饼干口香糖这种小东西也没装后,不禁勃然道:“你说什么?”
刘老六哄我说:“又是太师又是安国公,你还有什么不满意的?位极人臣这就是说你呢。”
也是,我实在是想不出历史上还有谁比我牛b了,跨着代的位极人臣啊,又是王又是公的,我媳妇包子还是秦朝的郑王兼大司马呢。可这有用吗?就算尧舜跑到我面前争着要禅位给我我真能捞着好处吗?
我扯着刘老六道:“少废话,位极人臣人家那是一人之下万人之上,现在万人之上我是没见着,我现在才反应过来,他妈好好的校长当着我突然就好些人之下了——你再不把工资我把你扔到同志酒吧去,让你也尝尝好些人之下的滋味。”
最让我生气的就是工资不给也就算了,还要把我干的活算成奖励,这就像一个售票员,月末不给发工资不说,还得掏30天的车负人了!
刘老六拨拉着我的手,叫道:“你迟早会明白我的苦心的。”
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