第一章
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我在长江之南的某个小平原上抖抖索索地划拉着一盒火柴，但总是因无力而过度用力，结果不仅弄断了火柴梗子，还让满盒的火柴干戈寥落撒了半地。更多小说ltxsba.com我只好又从脚下去捡那一地的火柴梗。
我——孟烦了，二十四岁，今国军某支所谓新编师之一员，中尉副连长。
我无力又猛力地划着火柴，这次我让整个空火柴盒从手上弹出去了。于是我再用抢命般的速度抢回地上那个火柴盒。
“烦啦你个驴日的！连根火柴也日不着啊？！”
我想起了我屡被冒犯的官威。我一手火柴，一手火柴盒，愠怒地盯着那个发话的对象——二排四班马驴儿，河北乡下佬，怒目金刚，倒抡着他那条离腰折已经差不远的汉阳造，我现在不想说他要砸谁。
“我是你们连长！”我维护我随着火柴梗子掉了一地的官威。
这种抗议有点儿文不对题，并且立刻被反驳回来，“副的！正的正烧着呢！”
我是文化人，我认为这种辩论有点儿无聊，于是我决定专心划火柴。我经常认为别人很无聊，而我自己更无聊——我又开始跟火柴较劲。
马驴儿在不管我之前又嚷嚷了一句：“你不会跟连长借个火啊？——哇呀呀，驴日的！”
后边那一句是对他要砸的对象喊的，很京剧腔。喊过去之后，马驴儿就抡圆了他那条打光子弹当锹抡的汉阳造扑过去了，现在我可以说他要砸什么啦，哈哈——一辆日本九七式中型坦克，辗转着，原地转向着，咆哮着，炮塔转动着，与主炮同轴的同步机枪轰鸣着，像是冲进蚂蚁群中的庞大甲虫。如其说它是困兽犹斗不如说是在玩耍，因为像蚂蚁一样附着在它身上的中国兵实在是太不得要领，拿铲子砍的、拿锹棍撬的、拿手榴弹敲打舱盖以为里边会打开的、对着装甲开枪崩到自己的、跳脚大骂的。我单膝跪在这团乱糟之外，连长在我身边燃烧。除了活人之外的整个连在他们马虎潦草抵挡，所以已经被日军炮兵化为焦土的阵地上燃烧着。我跪在火海和坦克之间，身边放着一个土造的燃烧瓶。我拿着火柴和火柴盒，似乎要划火柴，又似乎是在思考，而实际上只是最简单的三个字：吓傻了。
马驴儿成功地用枪托在装甲车体上制造出一声巨大的响动，代价是枪托不知道飞到哪里去了。这是个锲而不舍的人，他发现车头有个缝隙，于是猫了腰低了头去看，其情状酷似从门缝里窥视。
那是航向机枪的射击孔。在突发的轰鸣声中他安静而飘逸地飞出去了。
这实在是让我看得发怔，但我身上有这种素质——即使在上吊的时候也不忘打击一下别人，我扯嗓子为他送行，“白痴！最后一次！”
但我还记得马驴儿的提示，我看手上的火柴盒，扔了它，看手上的火柴，扔了它，我抓起燃烧瓶，爬向离我最近也烧得最炽烈的那个——实际上它已经完完全全是一团火焰。真是的，我为什么要跟一盒发了潮的火柴较劲？
“连长，借个火。”
连长没发表意见，我借火，借火的时候肚子里发出饥肠辘辘的轰鸣，我吸了吸鼻子，因我在焦香中所起的生理反应而觉得罪过。此时我听见来自身后的机枪连射，夹着主炮发射的轰鸣，这与方才日军坦克的点射迥异，我拿着已经燃点的燃烧瓶回身。
坦克上已经没有附着的人类了，它在尸骸中进行一个小半径的转向，刚发射过的主炮炮塔转向我。不知属于谁的半截枪杆自半空落下，砸掉了我的茫然。三八式的子弹自侧后方射来，我看了一下，那个好容易被我们和坦克分隔开的日军小队正拉了个散兵线，慢慢往这边近来。
我拉开了架势，扬起燃烧瓶，开始冲刺，那辆近在咫尺的九七坦克现在看起来真是庞大无比，它的炮口正对着我，像只毒眼。三八式步枪又响了一次，是个排枪，燃烧瓶从我手上落下，我摔倒。
坦克以一种人散步时的速度漫不经心地离开，日军小队虽仍拉着散兵线，却也和散步一样漫不经心，其中一个经过我身边时，用刺刀捅进我的大腿，绞动了一下。
我死了，我就不动。
他们走了，消失于焦炽的地平线上——既然这边焦土上已经没有站立的中国人。
整个阵地都在烧着，白磷和汽油在燃烧，武器和弹药在燃烧，尸体在燃烧，连泥土和弹坑都在燃烧，而我睁开眼时，只是看着在我身边燃烧的那个燃烧瓶。它已经碎了，燃液在土地上流淌，流过我身边，把我没能划燃的火柴一根根点燃。
我呆呆看着那些在火海中依次蓬然亮起的小小火光，它们不属于我，从来就没属于过。
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