第十一章 玩点新花样（中）
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老婆大人前两天回娘家，刚才刚刚回来。龙腾小说ltxsba.com
所以今天毛驴的任务是陪俺们家主子，只能更两章了。
都是男人，大家能理解吧？
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主子吃饭的时候打嗝放屁，这的确是宫里忌讳的大事，每年的侍膳宫女太监都要在这上面死几个。可这又是人自然的条件反射，改是改不过来的，所以宫里头有个不成文的规矩，侍膳之前大家先灌一肚子水饱（因为奴才是不能在主子膳前吃饭的）省得一不小心倒了霉。
萧然今天无疑就是那个倒霉蛋。早起到现在可说是米水未进，瞧着一大桌子香喷喷的饭菜，肚子能不叫唤吗？本来主子要是心情好，说不准格外开恩，装做没听见也是有的，偏这安德海又给扣了个冒犯之罪，按例要责八十杖。
萧然知道这事大了，稍一琢磨，跪下道：“回主子！奴才瞧主子一直没动筷，心里着急，这是想给主子您讲个笑话呐！主子一开心，兴许就能多用一点，做奴才的心里也高兴啊。”
“胡说！”没等懿妃发话，安德海抢在前面喝道，而且往前进了两步，咄咄逼人。“我朝祖制，主子用膳时奴才不得说话，你还敢讲什么笑话！分明是在狡辩！”
“所以嘛，奴才才故意肚子叫，给主子个提示，好等主子来问啊！”
侍膳不劝膳，这确实也是宫里的规矩，主要是防止有人在饭菜里下毒。所以皇宫里吃饭一点也不象后世电影里演的那么热闹，反而死气沉沉的，无趣之极。
安德海自以为击中了要害，没想到对方又给绕回去了，一时还没理清关系。萧然当然不能给他这个思考的时间，咣当一个响头磕了下去：“奴才冒死说一句：主子您的身子金贵，是断断饿不得的。奴才们的任务就是伺候好主子，主子要是吃不下饭，要我们这些奴才们有什么用？所以就算主子要砍奴才的脑袋，奴才也要想法子让主子进膳！”又转头瞧着安德海，嘿嘿一笑，“哪能眼睁睁的看着主子进不下膳，也不管不问的！安公公，你说呢？”
安德海汗珠子一下就冒出来了，赶紧跪下道：“奴才……奴才也是这么想的！”
懿妃是个聪明的主，当然知道萧然是在无理辩三分，但这几句马屁拍的还真是那么回事，很是受用。再瞧这小三子丰神俊美，嘴皮子又利索，能说会道的，心里反倒多了几分欢喜。于是微笑着道：“也是。皇上都说过，祖制呢也不是一成不变的。小三子忠心可嘉，好，就准你讲笑话。”说着眼珠一转，又娇声说道：“不过呢要有两个要求：一是要跟吃有关的，二是必须招笑。倘我笑不出来，那可要一并治罪！”
萧然心说：叉你妈的小贱人，故意考我呢么！本来他这时已经想好了一个笑话，但是一瞧见旁边跪着个眼眶子发青的安德海，忽然又改了主意。
“主子请听：说有一户人家很穷，过年了，家里也没什么吃的，就剩下一头猪和一头驴。”忽然转头瞧着安德海，“哎，安公公，你说这个时候应该是先杀猪呢，还是先杀驴？”
“那还用说？驴肉好吃，先杀驴呗。”
“恭喜你答对了。猪也是这么想的。”
哄的一下，屋子里顿时笑的人仰马翻。懿妃正品着茶呢，一口普洱全喷了出来。安德海登时涨红了脸：“不对不对，先杀猪，先杀猪！”
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