第34章 锁情
最新网址:m.ltxsdz.com
前面就是倚红楼,月娘早就在大门前等,看到我们回来,松了口气,笑道:“姑娘路上受惊了。”
消息倒灵通。我淡淡地一笑,也不答她,径直走回房去。小红伺候我洗漱更衣,刚换好衣服,听到有人敲门,小红去开门,一会儿端了碗冒着热气儿的中药过来,低声道:“姑娘,月娘送来的冲喜汤,让你服。”
我看了那碗汤药一眼,不以为然地笑笑,对小红道:“倒掉。”上次登台后,月娘也让人送了一碗这个什么“冲喜汤”过来,据说是防止姑娘接客后怀孕的,也被我偷偷倒掉了,我都没有接客,哪里会大肚子?喝了这汤也不知道有没有什么负作用。
“姑娘……”小红迟疑道,“这不好吧,若是让月娘知道了……”
“寂将军今儿没要我服侍他。”我皱了皱眉,“快端走,我闻到这药味儿就不舒服。”打小我就怕吃药,别说中药了,就是一粒粒方便好吞的西药,我也要喝几次水才吞得下去,有时候仍是吞得反胃。
小红一听,赶紧端了那药走,一会儿进到内室来,手里已经空空,我笑问:“倒哪儿了?别让月妈妈看到了说你。”
“姑娘放心好了,我把它混在洗漱水里一齐倒掉了,月妈妈不会发现的。”小红伶俐地道,看我坐到梳妆台前,机灵地凑过来,“我来服侍姑娘梳头。”
手拿到我的头上,“咦”了一声,奇道:“我刚刚一直忘了问姑娘,姑娘的头发怎么绾起来了?”
我怔了怔,手抚上脑上的发髻,望着镜中的女子刹时苍白的脸,心中一痛。轻轻拔下头上的发簪,满头的青丝如瀑布垂泻而下。我拿起那支发簪,望着它怔怔出神。是一支桃木发簪,钗头雕着一朵盛开的玉兰,雕工算不上精细,简洁的线条古朴而粗犷,与玉兰花的细致温润的气质完全格格不入。
就是这样简单的一支簪,竟然破了我的金钟罩,让我意乱情迷、不能自己。是不是我已经寂寞得太久,孤单得太久,所以他一个无心的雕簪绾发的举动,却正好天时地利人和,让我圆了前生一直以来的梦想。在这个对其他人来说岁月静好、现世安稳的时空,对我却是危机四伏、步步惊心,可以使心灵安宁或者使肉体逃避的,除了醇酒,只剩爱情了吧?所以心动、情动,才来得这般迅猛这般狂热,所以不管是谁给我温暖的怀抱,我都眷念都贪慕。我的唇角泛起一丝苦笑,原来活了三十年,我竟然还是搞不懂爱情这东西。我是不是已经不适合去爱一个人,在尝试“执子之手”时,在学习“我心匪石”时,在经过“弱水三千”时,在感怀“冬雷震震夏雨雪”时,我,一直都找错了人。
这不是一个适宜我的爱情生长的年代,他不是那个我适合去爱的人。对他来说,我不过是他包下的一个青楼女子,一个逢场作戏的对象,妄想得容易,欢娱得容易,背叛得容易,忘却得容易,我有什么理由要求他同等对我,我凭什么要求他有所回报?我忘了自己的身份,忘了自己的处境,以为自己付出了便也要他同样付出,当真傻得可笑,因此才会落得个不欢而散、别扭收场。
罢了罢了,这以后,只当他是一个普通的恩客。人生不过梦一场。我来到这个时空,更如同在做一场梦,今日不知明日事,更应及时行乐,才不枉在这世上走了一遭。
簪还在,心却已历尽沧桑。宇,虽然我也知道什么是洁白和坚持,但你的游离你的迟疑,或者还有一丝懦弱一丝虚假,让我虚弱得不敢真实地去拥抱爱情。我举起那只簪,半眯起眼,轻笑出声:“呵呵,从今往后,让我们一起醉生梦死吧。”
愁眉只怨无同欢,画楼锁情关,忆昔风流年少,把酒不畏春寒。
三千娥眉,八百秦淮,谈笑等闲。谁知多少沧海,如今变了桑田。
拉开妆盒的底层,将那只簪轻轻放进去。锁心、锁情。宇,下次见我,我仍是倚红楼词曲无双、胆大包天、烟视媚行的艳妓卡门,那个曾经将心遗落在你身上的我,再也不会回来了。
——2006、9、15
[记住网址龙腾小说ltxsba.com]
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