四十八、完美诠释了什么叫做变态
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衣锦还乡?衣锦个屁,说白了就是高调装逼呗!这事不要太好办好吗,中央特勤可是国级单位,下地方那都是钦差大臣级的,别说去乡镇级了,就算省级单位都得全程绿灯。龙腾小说网ltxs520.com
“了解,我会做好安排的。”
猴爷听完眉头一挑,从口袋里拿出一个皱巴巴的烟盒,拆开并在上头大笔一挥“这人我罩的——吕梵磊”。
“揣好,保你一命。”
黑衣人眨了眨眼睛,猴爷的行为让他尴尬症都犯了好吗……这一张破纸有屁用啊,而且这根本就是个烟盒吧。
不过因为不敢忤逆他的原因,他还是老老实实的揣进了口袋:“您放心,我一定会帮你解决问题。”
猴爷点点头,背着手回到了人群中。而回去之后,他手一指建刚:“未来七天,你都是那家伙的女朋友。”
正在看电视剧的建刚懵逼的抬头:“你他妈说啥?”
“我从没见过你这么粗俗的孙贼,把耳机给老子摘了!”
建刚不情不愿的摘下耳机:“有屁放。”
猴爷回头指着张群:“未来七天,你都是他女朋友,这是命令。你给我贤良淑德!听见没有?如果捣乱,别怪我不客气。”
建刚撇撇嘴刚要骂人,但抬头就看到了猴爷的眼神——卧槽,这孙子玩真的……
“知道了知道了,不用陪睡吧?陪睡老子不干。”
“放心,不会让你陪睡的。我知道你就愿意陪我睡。”
“放你奶奶的罗圈屁。”
安排好一切之后,猴爷自顾自的上了一辆路虎,不过他不会开车……
没错,大猴爷不会开车,建刚也不会……唯独有驾照的只有叶菲一人而已。于是叶菲这个大美妞就成了专职司机,开着霸道拉风的大型suv在盘山路上风驰电掣的。
“卧槽卧槽……你慢点。”坐在后头猴爷双手死死拽住扶手:“我要吐了。”
叶菲回头狞笑道:“叫我藤原拓美。”
“等等,藤原拓美什么梗?”猴爷一愣:“几个意思?”
“藤原拓海的妹妹啊。”
“哦……这样啊,那你继续。”
“好哒!看我排水沟过弯道!”
然后……就没然后了,叶菲把车开翻了。在时隔半小时之后,他们又这样守着一辆翻了的车蹲在路边等那些黑衣人。
“吕先生……我们经费也挺紧张的。”黑衣人的眼泪都快下来了:“这辆车是租的。”
“这样啊……哈哈……哈哈……哈哈哈。”猴爷多少也有些不好意思:“那我赔吧。”
说着,猴爷掏出身上全部的三十块钱递给他:“拿着拿着,别客气。”
黑衣人捧着三十块钱,欲哭无泪的回到了仅剩的三辆车上了,原本五辆车现在翻了一辆有一辆被再次征用,三辆车坐五辆车的人,想想看得有多挤,但怎么办?难道现在上去拿枪指着鱼龙让他滚下来?那才叫耗子舔猫逼,没事找刺激好吧。
“我都给你赔钱了,你别再给老子开翻了!”
“知道了知道了。”叶菲灰头土脸的,再也不说自己是什么藤原拓美了,专心致志的开着车,连回头说话的精力都没有:“可是你哪来的钱,你的钱都是我管着的啊。”
“昨天你不是给了我五十块钱买烟嘛,我买了包黄鹤楼,剩下的都给他们了。”
“你就赔三十啊……”
“不然要多少!”
“好吧好吧……”
在路上的时候,他把自己那个衣锦还乡计划原原本本都说了出来,张群听完久久不语,但蒙着眼的红布却已经湿了一大块……
“妈的,你快瘪哭了,红布啊哥。湿了就他妈跟侧漏一样。”猴爷抽空吼了一嗓子:“你的能力绝对是可控的,我会想办法让你恢复正常人的生活。”
“如果是那样,你即使让我去死我都愿意……呜呜呜呜呜……”
“六神合体的雷霆王,呜呜呜呜。”建刚在旁边没心没肺的哼着歌,丝毫不在乎她“男朋友”的撕心裂肺。
“建刚!”猴爷声调突然提高:“怎么能这样!”
“哪样?”建刚再次满脸迷茫:“我干什么了?”
“是六神合体的雷霆王,呜呜呜呜呜。五个!你唱了四个!”
“你脑壳坏老……”
张群家在莆田一带,是真正的农村,因为是山区的关系,所以相比福州、泉州这些地方要落后许多。当四辆硕大的陆虎开进村子的时候,还真不少小孩出来观望,其中就包括张群的小侄子。
“小舅舅!”
不过当张群下车之后,那些看热闹的家伙一哄而散,哪怕是有几个不懂事的小孩还想再看一会却也会被大人拎着耳朵拉回家,门窗紧闭,就跟看见了瘟神似的。而唯一留在这里的只有一个叫张群小舅舅的小屁孩。
“团团。”
在叫这名字的时候,猴爷居然从张群的脸上看到了笑容,他甚至主动抱起了那个小孩,然而却没有什么意外发生。
“小红,开始采集数据。”
“明白,已经打开书记采集器。”
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