第十九章、黄巾渠帅
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是勋不禁一扬头，心说哎呦，又见一位名人嘿！
其实真要说起来，管亥不算太有名，《三国志》里就提了一笔——想想也知道，除非跟张燕似的后来洗白白了，否则统治阶级撰写的史书里，怎么可能为个农民反贼做传呢？
管亥在史书里露的一脸，就是率领青州黄巾打败了孔融，把孔融给围在都昌城里（这个地名，其实是勋没记住），然后太史慈请来了平原相刘备援救都昌，管亥明知不敌，就主动撤围退了，此后再无消息，下落不明。
《三国演义》里就根据这条线索来敷衍、加工，说管亥围住了孔融，孔融派部将宗宝迎敌，结果战不数合，被管亥一刀劈死。等到刘备领兵来救，管亥拦阻，关公出阵，“数十合之间，青龙刀起，劈管亥于马下”——能跟关老爷厮杀了好几十个回合，这武力值也不算低了。
当下管亥报了名，四周黄巾便一拥而上，各执利刃，就要报销这票公子哥儿们。是勋和郑益缄口不言，这回就连王忠和是峻也加入了告饶的行列。只见管亥轻轻摆手，命部下暂退，然后喝骂道：
“尔等这些狗才，就会在老百姓身上刮油水，还假模假样地自称圣人门徒，不把供你们吃穿的老百姓放在眼里！好啊，今天可以放过尔等，但尔等得先跟老子磕个头，喊三声：‘大贤良师万岁！汉朝皇帝去吃狗屎！我也一样吃狗屎！’——说吧。”
周边黄巾贼一起边笑边喊：“大贤良师万岁！汉朝皇帝去吃狗屎！你们也一样吃狗屎吧！”
那沈元还真是个没骨头的，当即跪倒在地，嗫嚅着把管亥要求的话复述了一遍。管亥偏过头来，手拢在耳旁：“大声儿点，老子听不见。听不见不作数！”沈元只好扯着嗓子喊：“大贤良师万岁！汉朝皇帝去吃狗屎！我也一样吃狗屎！饶命！大贤良师万岁！汉朝皇帝去吃狗屎！我也一样吃狗屎！饶命！大贤良师万岁！汉朝皇帝去吃狗屎！我也一样吃狗屎！——英雄～～饶命～～啊！”
管亥露出一脸不屑的表情，然后转头望向沈元身边的是勋：“狗才，轮到你了。”
生死关头，每个人的表现都不一样：有些人吓成了一摊泥，有些人还能活蹦乱跳；有些人脑袋彻底昏了，有些人还能分析事由、权衡得失；有些人听到个“死”字就斗志全消，有些人则想：“反正都要死了，老子还有啥不敢干的？！”
这时候是勋已经站起了身来，他就琢磨啊，自己要是喊了那要命的口号，这些黄巾贼真能放了自己吗？为了能活下去，别说喊“吃狗屎”了，就算真让吃狗屎，也只好捏着鼻子当是怪味巧克力啊。可要是喊了张角万岁、皇帝吃屎啥的，就算能活着回去，在士人当中还能混得下去吗？沈元好歹是县令的内侄，说不定还有机会蒙混过关，自己又算啥了？自己终究不是是仪的亲儿子，而只是一个数月前才初次见面的堂侄罢了……
死有什么可怕的？在这个动乱的年代，要是不能往上爬，活着也了无生趣吧。自己好不容易冒名顶替、李代桃僵，混进了士人的圈子，难道就此必须全都得放弃吗？难道还得过回到穷坳里那种今天不知明天死活的要命日子吗？贼老天哪，还真是不敢对你抱有任何奢望哪！
“刷刷刷”，那一瞬间，脑袋里冒出了无数的英雄人物来：黄继光、邱少云、董存瑞……思前想后，他一咬牙，一跺脚，终于下定了决心——他喵的好死不如赖活着，老子就喊了吧！
而且跟面前这些黄巾贼比起来，貌似自己才是腐朽阶级，是反动派哪，跟封建地主站在一起，顽固地抗拒农动……董存瑞会从坟里跳出来掐死自己吧……
决心已下，才待张嘴，突然间又一个念头瞬间闪过脑海——唉唉，老子应该还在装哑巴哪……究竟是喊是不喊呢？
就这么一犹豫，管亥的眼珠子就已经瞪起来了。是峻是个好样的，赶紧闪身挡在是勋身前：“某七兄因心伤家翁之逝，已难言语矣。”
管亥又歪过头去问：“这东西又在说啥？”旁边人再给解释：“他说他这个七哥因为老爹死了，哭哑了嗓子，说不了话了。”
“说不了话？”管亥“哈哈”大笑道，“有趣，有趣，只可惜老子不信。”说着“当啷”一声，从腰间拔出环首大刀来，高高举起：“老子就砍下你的狗头，看你说不说得出话！”大刀挟着一道寒光，就直奔是勋脖颈而来。
眼看脑袋就要掉了，不由得是勋不扯开嗓子，当场就打算激情昂扬地高呼口号：“大贤良师万岁！汉朝皇帝去吃狗屎！我也一样吃狗屎！”可是大概是装哑巴装得时间久了，他光出了口一个“大”字，喉咙就被一口气给塞住了，急得是一缩脖子，一闭眼睛。随即就觉得后脖子上一凉，心说完蛋，也不知怎么的就顺嘴而出：“大你妹啊！”
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