第二十七章、平原搬兵
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结果见了面一瞧，耶，这就是刘备？刘备竟然长这样！简单来说，刘备就一革命样板戏里高大全的男主角的外形，就有三分象朱时茂。他中等偏高身材，宽肩膀、粗胳膊——是不是能双手过膝，却没能目测出来——长着一张方方正正的国字脸，浓眉大眼、鼻直口方，光下巴，光在唇上留了两道翘须，又仿佛四条眉毛的陆小凤。
这说明“潞涿君”的故事确实是真的。
《三国志·蜀书》上说，当刘备进入西川去假模假式增援刘璋的时候，曾经跟刘璋的从事张裕在酒席宴间碰过面。这张裕是个大胡子，刘备就逗他说：“当年我居住在涿县，县里有好多姓毛的，东西南北到处都是，所以涿县县令就说：‘诸毛绕涿居乎。’”
“涿”在这儿是指代同音字“啄”，也就是嘴巴，刘备嘲笑张裕的嘴巴四周全是毛，所以“诸毛绕涿居”。可是张裕也不含糊，当场反唇相讥，说：“曾经有个人做过上党郡的潞县县长，后来调任涿县县令，辞职后回到家乡，跟人写信，想要署名潞县长吧，又丢了涿县，想要写涿县令吧，又丢了潞县，最后只好署名‘潞涿君’。”
“潞涿君”就是谐音“露啄君”，讽刺刘备没胡子，嘴巴全都露在外面——史书上说是“先主无须，故裕以此及之”。刘备为此就记恨上了张裕，后来竟然找个借口把他给弄死了。
所以虽然戏台上的老生刘备是长须飘飘，但是就有人根据这个故事，说刘备其实嘴上没毛，跟太监似的。但刘备要真是嘴上没毛，这相貌特征在当时的士人群里太过明显，史书上肯定要记上一笔，不会光说他“垂手下膝，顾自见其耳”云云了。所以又有人说，古人对胡子是分类很明确的，唇上为髭、颔下为须，耳旁为髯，所以刘备只是没须而已，不是完全没胡子。
今天是勋当面一瞧，证明这一判断是准确的，刘备不是嘴上嘴下全都光光，他还是有髭的嘛——虽然也很稀疏。那时代士人以须长为美，所以张裕才嘲笑刘备，也所以刘备才心里忌恨，可他终究并不是长得象太监，否则恐怕自卑心理会更严重。
刘备听说北海有使者过来，急忙召见。三人上得大堂的时候，就见他正襟危坐在几案后面，面沉似水，就好象要特意表现沉稳但演技还不够纯熟，有点儿过火。是勋记得史书上说过，关羽、张飞在早年间经常侍立在刘备身后，仿佛保镖一般，所以还刻意朝他身后瞄了几眼，果然见到一条大汉侍立，只可惜既非红脸，也非黑脸，肤色非常普通——难道是赵云？赵子龙这时候投了刘备了吗？
刘备一见面就问：“听闻黄巾贼东蹿去了北海，未知如何？”
太史慈朝他抱拳行礼，报名说：“下走东莱太史慈，奉北海孔府君之命，特来求救。”说着话，就把孔融的信给递了上去。
刘备打开木牍，先就一皱眉头。是勋知道他在想些啥，孔融这家伙不脱文人恶习，肯定这一封求救书信是骈四俪六，文辞艰涩，想那刘备从来不喜欢读书，虽然曾经在卢植门下当过旁听生，但这类文章能瞧懂几分，那还真不好说。打个比方，拿篇没注解的汉赋给个非古文献研究专业的文科大学生看，估计就这效果，字儿瞧着都认识，连起来是啥意思？不翻翻字典，再动动脑筋，还真他喵的搞你不懂唉。
好在还有太史慈帮忙解释。太史慈先把北海的形势大致解说了一遍，完了说：“慈乃东莱乡鄙之人，与孔北海非亲非故，亦非同乡，只因受其恩惠，为了报答，故而相助。如今孔北海被黄巾贼管亥所围，孤城无援，危在旦夕，特以府君素有仁义之名，能救人急难，故而北海派慈冲冒白刃，突破重围，前来求救，期盼府君能够应允。”
是勋心说，太史子义还挺能说话的嘛。刘备这会儿刚起家，连徐州都还没救过哪，这个在涿郡织席贩屦的家伙，只是因为跟公孙瓒是同学才得以专守一国，连名声值都几乎是零，还提什么“仁义之名”呢？
果然，刘备就最好名，太史慈这话正中马屁，他当场就微笑了起来。“想不到啊，竟然连孔北海也知道这世间还有我刘备哪！放心，邻郡……”想一想平原和北海并不挨着，于是赶紧改口，“同为青州所属，岂有不救之理？只是备之所部，分散各县，仓促难集，不知须多少兵马可救北海？”
原来这时候，公孙瓒跟袁绍闹崩了正打算见仗呢，所以刘备的大部分兵马全都调到西线去防堵袁绍跟他的小弟曹操了。
太史慈回答说：“黄巾虽众，却皆散漫，兵不须多，三五千足矣。”
“好，”刘备当即拍板，“那便发兵三千往救。”说着一回头，注目身后那条大汉：“云长，便劳烦贤弟跑这一趟了。”
是勋闻言大惊，耶，原来那个竟然真的、就是、关二爷？！
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说明一下，前面几章中，营陵是家的老大“是著”，名字莫名其妙地变成了“是着”（说不定这儿也会变，希望大家能看得懂我的意思），这不是我写错了，我硬盘上的DOC文档里明明好好的，从前上传也没问题，最近就老出错，修了也没用。估计这是属于汉字转换啥的系统问题了，我是搞不定的，编辑也不清楚。只好对读者朋友们说声抱歉，你们先这么凑合看吧。
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