第二十章、作死节奏
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就在他的冥思苦想当中，一行人从梁甫县北折而向西，渡过汶水，经过巨平县，离开泰山郡，进入了济北国，直指蛇丘县。当晚宿在蛇丘县东的一座亭中，前程还有约摸三十里地，估计明天一早启程，朝食前便可见到县城——况且，说不定还没见到县城，先就撞到了曹兵呢，只要把曹嵩的字号一亮，还不立刻就护卫重重，就此稳若泰山了吗？
老天爷啊，拜托你别再出妖蛾子了，就让我们平平安安地抵达曹营去吧。
是勋所以会在心里打哆嗦，是因为这一路行来，表面上貌似太平，其实隐藏着种种的危机，他全都瞧在眼里，惊在心中。既然不进县城，那么大部分时间都只好露宿在荒郊野外，偶尔几天可以寄宿传舍或者亭中。传舍和亭自然不必说了，曹家父子、祖孙住进去，是勋仗着士的身份也能混进去，士兵们在外面扎营，这是情理中事，谁都说不出个“不”字来——国家制度，非官员就不得居传、居亭，更何况那些大头兵呢？
可是倘若在野外露宿，曹家就会搭起个超级豪华的大帐篷来，金顶绸缦，内分好几个隔间，就比一般将领的主帐还要惹眼，士兵们瞧着不眼热是不可能的。当然啦，这帐篷再大，几百个兵想挤也挤不进去，也就光眼热罢了。可是曹老爷子一天两顿的钟鸣鼎食，吃着上等的梁稻，还有酒有肉有菜有热汤，是勋肯定是座上客啦，张闿偶尔也能跑来蹭一顿，就连曹家的仆役、丁壮跟着沾光，吃得也不错，你说这让那些整天啃干粮喝白水的士兵们情何以堪？
是勋就本能地察觉到有不少士兵瞧着曹家大帐和在帐外起火做饭的曹家仆役，眼神儿就不善，充满着羡慕嫉妒恨，还隐约透出一两丝凶光。这些负面情绪要是日积月累下去，难保不会闹出什么事儿来啊——终究张闿并不是他们真正的长官，只是临时管理这小三百号人而已。
所以是勋奉劝曹德，拿出点儿粟米和腌菜甚至腌肉来分给士卒，尽量控制住他们的不稳情绪。按照他的本意，最好每人再给发点儿钱，然后许诺到了地头还有双倍犒赏，然而放点儿粮食也就罢了，一提到分钱，曹嵩老头是撒泼打滚儿地不乐意啊，哪怕曹德磨破了嘴皮子，也没能从老爹手里抠出一个子儿来。
真是舍命不舍财的老东西啊，你这是作死的节奏啊！是勋有时候就恨恨地想，最好一把你送到曹操手中，卸下了老子跟徐州的负担，你就立刻被士兵哗变了乱刀砍死！
所以他日盼夜盼地赶紧到地方，赶紧把老头子交出去。然而，有句俗话说“心诚则灵”，是勋本身不信老天爷，所以老天爷也肯定不会给他好过……
就在抵达蛇丘县的前一天傍晚，扎下营来，是勋又赴了曹家的宴，吃了个肚圆，然后就觉得肠胃不适，被迫离开营地，跑到路旁一片灌木丛后面去解手。本来不必要跑得太远的，经常有士兵就在营地旁边撇条，可是一方面是勋不习惯当人面蹲坑儿，另方面终究士的脸面还要维持，所以稍稍走远了一些。
他靠着一丛灌木，撩起衣襟，解开裤带，蹲了下来。这年月士人因为穿着长袍，所着的裤基本上就是两条裤腿连根绳儿，是没有裆的，只有那穿短衣的穷汉子，为了某些特殊目的——比方说骑马，比方说爬高——才着连裆裤，所以也叫“穷裤”。可是是勋是从未来过来的人，就不习惯两腿当间漏风，再加上他这一路上也需要骑马，所以一直穿着穷裤呢。
便意这东西，有时候挺奇怪的，就跟运气或者说泡妞的机会一样，总在不期然间毫无征兆地汹涌而至，而当你做好了万全的准备，它却又如同黄鹤杳杳，飘忽而不知所踪了。是勋蹲在那儿，努了半天力气，偏偏就是撇不下来，正在心里默念“此意已随黄鹤去，此地空余……”呢，突然听到不远处传来轻微的人声。
难道是别的什么人也跑这儿来大小便了吗？不意穿回古代，还能遇见并坑之谊哪。他一边胡思乱想，一边竖起耳朵来听，就听一个声音道：“防卫颇为严密，奈何？”另一个声音喝斥他：“低声！倘为曹贼侦知，便再难动手了。”
我靠不要吧老天爷，我这又不是保护唐僧去西天取经，不必要一步一妖，经历九九八十一难吧！再说了，那老家伙就是一猪八戒成精，他哪点儿象白白净净好吃看得见的唐三藏啦！是勋这一惊非同小可，本能地手提着裤子站了起来，就听脚下“喀拉”一声，貌似是踩断了一根树枝。
这一下是勋彻底的慌了，连裤子也来不及提好，转过身来是落荒而逃！
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